Help Line Between Caring and Being Nosey

[15dec]

Does anyone else have the problem where they try to show they care about someone and make sure they're alright, but just comes off as being nosey and trying to get in everyone else's business?

Obviously I don't want people to tell me things they don't want to and I don't care very much for other people's drama (I do tend to ask if they're okay or what's happened, not to get involved or escalate things but from a place of genuine concern for if they're alright, that I'm there if they need anything, etc). All it seems to do is make things worse and push people away.

I would just stop bothering but then I feel bad myself if I see someone important to me upset and just ignore them. I tend to operate on a basis of doing things for other people that I'd like them to do to me. Like, if I was upset I'd be grateful if someone came to check in on me, so that's what I tend to do for others. I wish I could figure out what the line is between caring and just getting in the way, it'd probably make my life so much easier...

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I think it's almost always positive and altruistic to show an interest, especially in today's world where people seem to pride themselves on being as stand-offish as possible. The only exception is when I know for sure someone is digging for dirt, so I guess being low key and genuine is important when it comes to offering support. As long as you're not a well-established blabbermouth or a social media gossip girl you should be fine.

 

[15dec]

I think it's almost always positive and altruistic to show an interest, especially in today's world where people seem to pride themselves on being as stand-offish as possible. The only exception is when I know for sure someone is digging for dirt, so I guess being low key and genuine is important when it comes to offering support. As long as you're not a well-established blabbermouth or a social media gossip girl you should be fine.

Yeah, I was thinking along the same lines about it being nice for me to ask if people were alright when they seemed down or had been in arguments. I wouldn't have thought I came across as gossipy especially when it comes down to someone's feelings or personal lives since I'm pretty quiet but from recent events I've definitely gone wrong a lot.

 

[Buddyluv19]

I think it's almost always positive and altruistic to show an interest, especially in today's world where people seem to pride themselves on being as stand-offish as possible. The only exception is when I know for sure someone is digging for dirt, so I guess being low key and genuine is important when it comes to offering support. As long as you're not a well-established blabbermouth or a social media gossip girl you should be fine.

It is really unfortunate, IMO, that one should have to worry about showing concern. I guess, to some degree, there have always been gossips 'digging for dirt', but this post makes me think about the sharing of gossip and how social media plays a part in that.

@15dec - the only thing I can suggest is to hold onto the part of you that is genuinely caring. Don't let it go due to fear. However, it seems that proper boundaries are more important than ever nowadays. If you show concern and someone appears to feel you are nosey, it's just their boundary. It's not a reflection on you if you're truly being sincere.

I hope this helps.

 

[ctrl_alt_delete]

I think it's perfectly lovely to care how others feel, and it shows a deep compassion to worry whether showing such care is intrusive or not. It shows that your kindness towards others is 'them' centered, not 'you' centered.

I'm sure we have all at some point experienced That Guy who, in the guise of 'caring', tells us everything that they think is wrong with us and gives us a list of things we need to get our act together and do, in order to to sort it out. That isn't caring. That is All And Only About That Guy.

That Guy never wonders if their help might be unwelcome and intrusive. So long as you do wonder about these things, then you aren't being That Guy, and your kindness and compassion are real and centered upon the person themselves.

Maybe asking a person if they would be okay with you asking how they are doing could be a good step? If they agree to that, then I believe it would then, maybe, perhaps, be ethically acceptable to signal an availability to listen, if that person ever wished to talk about anything.

 

[15dec]

I think it's perfectly lovely to care how others feel, and it shows a deep compassion to worry whether showing such care is intrusive or not. It shows that your kindness towards others is 'them' centered, not 'you' centered.

I'm sure we have all at some point experienced That Guy who, in the guise of 'caring', tells us everything that they think is wrong with us and gives us a list of things we need to get our act together and do, in order to to sort it out. That isn't caring. That is All And Only About That Guy.

That Guy never wonders if their help might be unwelcome and intrusive. So long as you do wonder about these things, then you aren't being That Guy, and your kindness and compassion are real and centered upon the person themselves.

Maybe asking a person if they would be okay with you asking how they are doing could be a good step? If they agree to that, then I believe it would then, maybe, perhaps, be ethically acceptable to signal an availability to listen, if that person ever wished to talk about anything.

Thanks for your advice, I'll try and start doing that from now on ♡

 

[ctrl_alt_delete]

Thanks for your advice, I'll try and start doing that from now on ♡

Of course, let's not forget that I've just, erm... told you what to do... ergo, just been That Guy... oops! <3

Still, as my old dad used to say, hypocrisy is only bad when other people do it.

 

[15dec]

Of course, let's not forget that I've just, erm... told you what to do... ergo, just been That Guy... oops! <3

Still, as my old dad used to say, hypocrisy is only bad when other people do it.

If the advice is welcomed it's okay to be that guy :)

 

[ctrl_alt_delete]

If the advice is welcomed it's okay to be that guy :)

aww, fanx :)

 

[ctrl_alt_delete]

P.S. this picture of QUITE DANGEROUS LEVELS of cuteness is for you @15dec , but only if want to open the spoiler.

Spoiler

 

[15dec]

P.S. this picture of QUITE DANGEROUS LEVELS of cuteness is for you @15dec , but only if want to open the spoiler.

Spoiler

Oh my gosh! I love it ♡

 

[ctrl_alt_delete]

Oh my gosh! I love it ♡

That makes me happy! <3