Venting Lone rant (Idk i'm too tired to write a proper title

[GeneralPanda199]

I've been wanting to have someone that i could just get this off my chest, since i kinda feel stupid doing rants on forums, but since i can't seem to talk to anyone irl without getting brain farts every 10 seconds during my conversation, and that i've not really have any proper online friends to talk to for a while, i might as well do it here.

Ever since i finished high school a couple of years ago i feel like i've been wasting my fucking time, sure i was able to do work here and there, do some training classes to get more diplomas, but i never managed to get myself committed to anything, it's like one day i'm completely fine and the next i just feel like bang my head unconscious.

After going around a couple of jobs now i can't even get anything. I try applying to any job i can find, grocery stores, fast food, literally anything that doesn't need experience to get some kind of income and feel like i'm doing something, but now i can't even get that! I apply to job after job, and from the last month alone out of like 15-20 job applications i applied to (probably more i don't remember) i only heard back from one of them for an interview, and even after that i just ended up being Ghosted, like what the fuck! I thought there were supposed to be labor shortages all over the US and the European countries, how the hell are they able to be so picky about who they hire!?

My parents also insist on me to keep going to apply for more jobs but honestly i barely have any energy to get out of bed, let alone go on my computer look for them.

I can't even manage to get any decent sleep, i'm writting this at like 4AM because i just ended up waking out of nowhere. This happens everytime i try going to sleep at a proper time like 10 11PM... It's like i'm being actively punished for even trying to form better habits.

I don't know why i even bother, i'm lonely yet i'm too fucking nervous to meet other people, i'm tired, yet i can never get a proper sleep. All i have is cuddle Dakimakura that i can't even enjoy properly because i just keep throwing myself from side to side on the bed...


Anyways tho, sorry if what i wrote sounded messy, i just wanted to get this out of my chest before trying to go to sleep again.i don't know how much longer i can live like this. Too bad i'm too much of a pussy to actually consider killing myself. I think about it a lot when i'm most down, but i don't know if i'd ever have the guts to actually form a plan to do it, maybe in the future, who knows

Sorry again if i wrote this badly, i just wanted to get it over with. I'm not used to writing rant monologues on forums so might as well try ig

 

[Regen]

I read your text. I also know feeling lonely and struggling to sleep. Unfortunately, this is a bad cycle, because bad sleep puts you in a very bad mood.

I am increasingly noticing that when it comes to depression and sleep disorders, it is never checked whether there is simply a simple deficiency. I recently read about a doctor who treated a young patient after a suicide attempt. The patient had been in the psychiatric ward for a long time and was given lots of antidepressants. The outpatient doctor then checked her blood and found that the young woman had significant deficiencies. This was never checked during the entire period of inpatient therapy. That means that this woman almost died because no one had the idea to simply check her blood values. The young woman then received vitamin D, iron, magnesium and something else and she suddenly felt fantastic again. This is certainly an extreme example and, of course, things go so well for few people. But the fact is that vitamins, minerals and the thyroid (and also the birth control pill) have a major influence.

I hope I haven't bothered you too much with this topic! It's not my intention to force anything on you and of course I don't know if that's even right for you! But I think it's important to check it routinely and the doctors never say that.

 

[GeneralPanda199]

I read your text. I also know feeling lonely and struggling to sleep. Unfortunately, this is a bad cycle, because bad sleep puts you in a very bad mood.

I am increasingly noticing that when it comes to depression and sleep disorders, it is never checked whether there is simply a simple deficiency. I recently read about a doctor who treated a young patient after a suicide attempt. The patient had been in the psychiatric ward for a long time and was given lots of antidepressants. The outpatient doctor then checked her blood and found that the young woman had significant deficiencies. This was never checked during the entire period of inpatient therapy. That means that this woman almost died because no one had the idea to simply check her blood values. The young woman then received vitamin D, iron, magnesium and something else and she suddenly felt fantastic again. This is certainly an extreme example and, of course, things go so well for few people. But the fact is that vitamins, minerals and the thyroid (and also the birth control pill) have a major influence.

I hope I haven't bothered you too much with this topic! It's not my intention to force anything on you and of course I don't know if that's even right for you! But I think it's important to check it routinely and the doctors never say that.

No worries, i appreciate the advice you've given. I was just feeling desperate to get my frustrations out of my chest, even tough i'm not used to writing these kinds of posts on forums, or honestly any kinda of social media to be honest, i usually only have accounts on any kind of social media to look at other people's posts like reddit and Instagram, or on Facebook where my parents and others in my family share stuff on my facebook.

Honestly when it comes to getting Vitamin D it's not really that much of a problem for me, cause i do tend to try on taking walks everyday whenever i can. Thankfully tho i seem to be way better on that department, cause i remember some months ago either going to bed early in the morning at like 7/8AM and sleep all the way to nightime, or even at certain times my plan that i had to try and fix my sleep schedule would be to try do an all nighter and then stay awake until the next night afterwards in hopes that i was so tired that i was able to sleep at a better time, and hopefully wake up in the morning, but it just ended with me falling asleep in the middle of the afternoon and the results would be basically the same as the former.


When it comes to sleep itself for me, my main issue is besides what i said before about struggling to fall asleep and wake up randomly in the middle of the night, i also had this issue for a while, where during my time trying to sleep where i would have these heart burn issues no matter what. I don't remember when it happened but i believe it was when i was about before i ended my first year of high school, so like a few years ago. For some reason i never ended about it since whenever i said about it to my parents they just said i needed to eat less (Which is true that i did eat a lot during diner but that ended up not being it), eventually i ended up going to my family doctor by myself last year, which was actually my first time going to a doctor's appointment by myself, since i would usually go with one of my parents since i feared that i would struggle to say what was wrong with me to them, but i just decided to do it myself after training what i'd say. Initially she prescribed me a proton inhibitor (Omeprazole) to treat GERD and take it for a couple of weeks, but since the problems came back after i stopped taking, i ended up going to do an exam called an Endoscopy (Which honestly i wish i hadn't had done that since it was really uncomfortable since i chosed to do it without anesthesia, since even tho i didn't had to pay for the exam since it was already covered by the national healthcare system, i still had to pay around 70 euros for the anesthesia. They still use this mouth spray that basically works as a local anesthesia to not hurt, it was still very umcofortable. I don't know if i should go into details about how the procedure goes but basically they have this tube with a camera that goes down your esophagus that can go as far down as to your stomach, and it basically records for any anomalies, and also collects a tissue piece for analysis).

Long story short, turns out that i had a bacterial issue called H. pylori that basically messed up with my tummy to the point to the point of developing more complicated issues, mainly what they said was called cronic esophagitis, which i can't explain but it's what was doing all the heartburns issues, and also at times cause me to feel nausea to the point that it felt like i was going to throw up, but never did. I still have the heartburn issues but the bacteria is gone so my doctor says that as long as i take some more proton inhibitors and avoid eating certain stuff like spicy food, it should be gone.

Sadly tho i believe that my fear of going to bed from back then has never really disappeared, but thankfully i still try to get some proper sleep, even if that means having someone force me awake so that i'm able to be awake in the morning.

Anyways tho, this was probably a lot of TMI, but i felt like i needed to give some context about my sleep problem (Or what i think it is, cause i'm not sure if this whole heartburn issue is part of the problem, but i feel like it is).

Oh yeah one last thing, i actually never took antidepressants in my life (Mostly because despite seeing a psychiatrist from every few months ever since i was 5, i never really told him about this issue but i digress). But i did often used to take anti-psychotics until a few years ago due to how often i used to get agressive, which i still get those issues of anger from time to time when in stress but not nearly as much as before. I took different medications but my last one was called Invega (The brand name), and also ADHD medication, right now i take one with the brand name of Elvanse. I started taking Elvanse a few years ago and i remember my Doctor warning me about certain side effects like hallucinations since it was still new to the market back then. I heard the medication also had the possibility of affecting with my mood, but i'm not sure if it's any related to the mood swings i seem to have. I might talk to my psychiatrist about it, but sadly my appointment that was supposed to be in December was delayed to March, so it will take a while before i can do that.

Anyways tho, sorry about the wrong reply, but i felt like i should specify certain things i didn't do it before in my original post. If you have any more advice to give about the topic please be free to write it. I know that when people rant it usually feels like whenever you reply with advice instead of your standard comforting words it tends to be somewhat annoying to the OP, but i appreciate your intention.