Discussion Lone wolves. Alone but not lonely.

[Forever Sleep]

I see a lot of posts on here about loneliness and, I obviously feel really bad for those who are suffering.

I am very isolated. Live alone, work alone, don't socialise. Yet, I'm lucky enough not to be troubled much by loneliness. In fact, I tend to crave alone time if I'm in a situation where I'm around people more. I guess I fear I may one day start to feel lonely but, it's hard to judge whether I will.

It's not that I don't need any social interaction of course. I really value this place, family and the few remaining friends I loosely keep in touch with.

I was just wondering whether there were more people on here like this. What do you think made you like this? I'm an only child and wasn't massively socialised young. So, there's that. I had a few initial years practice of being alone. I guess my later experience of family life was bad so, I couldn't wait to get away from that. Plus, other social experiences have been very mixed. So, being around others is not something I necessarily think of as being appealing.

I suppose also, I'm very well practised at it. I've lived alone for around 23+ years. I also don't have too much contrast. Because I haven't really had a consistantly good experience of living or being with others, there's nothing to miss. Or even envy if I'm honest. I look at quite a few couples and think- I'm glad that's not me!

What are your experiences though? If you are ok alone, why do you think that is? In that- it maybe isn't natural as a species to want to isolate! Is it mainly out of bad experiences with others or, just a natural self sufficiency?

 

[Pluto]

 

[missedmybus]

I think I am in a bit of a similar situation.

I am also an only child. I have always been a bit alone. I have had friends and friend circles, but I've always felt like the odd duck out, even though other people don't seem to think so.

I dropped out of school when I was 15ish and have been living alone since I was 16. I've had a period of semi-homelessness in my early 20s.

I have lived with people, but it is too much. I have a lot of acquaintances through my volunteering/work/etc. And I have one or two people I would consider actual friends, even though we see each other only a few times/year at times.

At the moment I work as a freelance web developer, so I don't interact with many people there, but I am also going to college, so I have to interact with a lot of people there. I also volunteer at concert venues, so I have contact with fellow volunteers/local bands there.

Most of those interactions are very surface level/practical type stuff.

I have a history of addiction and I have hurt a lot of people in my life. So I tend to not let people get close to me out of fear of repeating these things.

I am okay with being alone, but sometimes I do need somebody to bounce my thoughts/feelings off. Right now that role is mostly filled by my therapist and one close friend from my drug past.

It is a tricky balancing act of not letting people get too close, and not pushing people away with my thoughts and actions.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think I am in a bit of a similar situation.

I am also an only child. I have always been a bit alone. I have had friends and friend circles, but I've always felt like the odd duck out, even though other people don't seem to think so.

I dropped out of school when I was 15ish and have been living alone since I was 16. I've had a period of semi-homelessness in my early 20s.

I have lived with people, but it is too much. I have a lot of acquaintances through my volunteering/work/etc. And I have one or two people I would consider actual friends, even though we see each other only a few times/year at times.

At the moment I work as a freelance web developer, so I don't interact with many people there, but I am also going to college, so I have to interact with a lot of people there. I also volunteer at concert venues, so I have contact with fellow volunteers/local bands there.

Most of those interactions are very surface level/practical type stuff.

I have a history of addiction and I have hurt a lot of people in my life. So I tend to not let people get close to me out of fear of repeating these things.

I am okay with being alone, but sometimes I do need somebody to bounce my thoughts/feelings off. Right now that role is mostly filled by my therapist and one close friend from my drug past.

It is a tricky balancing act of not letting people get too close, and not pushing peope away with my thoughts and actions.

You've had a really tough time of it, it sounds. 16 is so young to be living alone. I was 18 when I left home but via the much more supported route of uni.

I'm sorry you've felt the need to isolate- it sounds like. Despite what you might have done to possibly hurt people, it's obvious that you do care about them. So much so that you'll deny yourself their company/ support.

I suppose I do also have that at the back of my mind. That suicide seems like a very real probability for me. So, I feel like keeping people distant might make it easier on them. Part of it though, is a genuine desire to avoid people in my case though! Even friends.

 

[quietism]

Haven't had a family, got bullied very badly in school and no one helped me out, almost no physical touch in my life. I'm pretty confident if that were different I wouldn't have such an intense desire for friendship due to the intense pain of loneliness. According to FOI records I've been suicidal since I was six and I think a lot of people back then just viewed me as a hot potato to pass around. I've lived alone all of my adult life despite wanting to live with others. There was one time I ran away from foster care to a kind family I met at a local queer group in high school and that was one of the best periods of my life, but it only lasted a few days before police pulled me out.

I've never taken alcohol or other drugs, and I find that's a big factor too. Where I live it's near impossible to make friends in person unless you're willing to damage your body and mentally impair yourself in the process. In this respect I consider most of my problems to be just traits of modern society and nothing to do with me.

I feel like I've honestly tried everything - my being alone is not through lack of trying. I'm really tired of trying to go to events and getting ignored, harassed or attacked for something out of my control. And I'm very confident it would suck a lot less if I had even one or two close friends to confide in struggles with and debrief tough moments.

So I just spend a lot of time self teaching as much information I can find, but I never seem to get a chance to share that knowledge very often. I wish I had that chance.

..that being said, I have had a very good career record and I've not had much practical trouble in living alone. The past couple years though it's really reached a tipping point where the lack of social connection makes me want to throw that career away.