Help Loneliness and Uni

[Average Enthusiast]

To anyone who's in university or has attended before, is it normal to feel lonely as hell. Like, even the first day of uni, people already had friend groups and cliques, and despite going against my instincts and putting myself out there to meet people, I always end up like an outsider. I'm also quite far away from my family now so besides the occasional calls from my parents, I literally have no one else. I thought uni was supposed to be this "eye opening" experience where you truly discover your true self, but it feels like mentally, I've gone backwards. I am grateful to have this opportunity, obviously, and the course I'm doing is something I actually enjoy studying (Creative Writing) but It's been over a month now since the start and it has not improved whatsoever. Is this normal or am I cooked? Cuz from what I've heard from many others, they're having the times of their lives. The only time I've been genuinely happy here was when I got high, but if I need a drug to make me feel positive, then somethings wrong there.

 

[alienfreak]

Experiences vary a lot. It depends on country and institution since there are different cultures. It also depends on your age, what you want out of studying, and where you live. Many factors.

Some people put their heart and soul into what they are studying to become professionally successful and that's all they care about during that period of their lives. Some people have the time of their lives partying and socialising. Some people fall apart and drop out because it isnt right for them at that time (easily over 20% of students). There's a full spectrum and i think all of it should be seen as normal.

One month isnt long and i'm certain that it is common for people to take longer than that to find their footing and make friends etc.

 

[star.trip]

Social norms are different in each country, so it will depend on the location. Why not look for a group that suits your interests. For example, if you like soccer, join a team. That way you might be able to find a friend. Just because it's likely doesn't mean it's a sure thing. If you have trouble socializing, you can look for one where you have to talk to people and socialize. Everything in life has a price, even learning.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I've done my Bachelors in a European country and, in my opinion, the university experience I grew up seeing in American movies is far from a reality.

It felt much more like regular school tbh, just paid for and with some low quality classes, in the case of my course.

I was the only woman in the classroom. I made 1 friend because one day I got there, didn't know where my next class was and a guy saw me confused and came to talk to me. He was also from my class. I didn't know anyone else so when group projects came along I asked if he would do the project with me and that's how things progressed.

During the whole course I made 2 friends, that guy and another guy that became my boyfriend. All the other guys we would chat while waiting for classes and I played a videogame with them once but not much else. They were more like acquaintances.

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely, it is a daunting experience to go to university... Give it some time, keep putting yourself out there, hopefully someone nice will come along. Make good use of the group projects as they are good facilitators for this sort of thing.

 

[jenny6391bubbles]

for me, the part that makes me feel lonely as hell is that you can't really make close friends in my uni if you don't have a club or organization. and even if you're part of one, it doesn't guarantee you friends. i hate how we just accept friends drifting apart is super common and you can't do anything about it. i'm okay being alone, but even then, i do want friends to talk to and hang out with in real life...

i hope you get to have a set of close friends eventually, though!

 

[Nlis2244]

I'm in class right now, and my whole row of chairs is empty besides me. That's a good visualization of my whole experience. I had the chance to make friends right in the first few weeks, before all the groups of friends were formed, but I didn't, so I'm now alone, in year 2. I deserve that, because I didn't put much effort in socializing, but it still hurts. At least I go to uni in my own city, so I live with my parents so I'm not completely alone, but maybe it wouldve been better to rent a room with someone and maybe have a chance to make friends idk. I hope things get better for you at least.

 

[N7_Alliance_Marine]

Fuck college. Too much pre-marital sex, too many abortions, and too many retards. I'd rather NEET playing video games.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Fuck college. Too much pre-marital sex, too many abortions, and too many retards. I'd rather NEET playing video games.

I can't tell if this is meant to be a joke or not...


Edit: That post is so fucking unhinged and uncalled for that I decided to do some digging on you and it turns out that you probably aren't joking.

 

[N7_Alliance_Marine]

I can't tell if this is meant to be a joke or not...

It isn't.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

It isn't.

Yeah, after finding the other shit you've posted before I came to that conclusion.

 

[N7_Alliance_Marine]

Yeah, after finding the other shit you've posted before I came to that conclusion.

Then why ask the question in the first place?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Then why ask the question in the first place?

Hey, notice that weird thing in my original reply? You know, where I typed out this weird word known as "edit" before then further explaining that I look into your past posts?

 

[N7_Alliance_Marine]

You know, where I typed out this weird word known as "edit" before then further explaining that I look into your past posts?

Well why bother editing that when you could've just deleted the comment?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Well why bother editing that when you could've just deleted the comment?

I don't know. Why bother commenting under a thread about university and loneliness if all you are going to do is rant about premarital sex and abortions?

Spoiler: TW RACISM

 

[N7_Alliance_Marine]

To anyone who's in university or has attended before, is it normal to feel lonely as hell.

Fuck college. Too much pre-marital sex, too many abortions, and too many retards.

Why bother commenting under a thread about university and loneliness if all you are going to do is rant about premarital sex and abortions?

This is why I felt alone, because they have a completely different thought process than me.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

This is why I felt alone, because they have a completely different though process than me.

Yeah, that post has nothing to with that

 

[motheaten]

To anyone who's in university or has attended before, is it normal to feel lonely as hell. Like, even the first day of uni, people already had friend groups and cliques, and despite going against my instincts and putting myself out there to meet people, I always end up like an outsider. I'm also quite far away from my family now so besides the occasional calls from my parents, I literally have no one else. I thought uni was supposed to be this "eye opening" experience where you truly discover your true self, but it feels like mentally, I've gone backwards. I am grateful to have this opportunity, obviously, and the course I'm doing is something I actually enjoy studying (Creative Writing) but It's been over a month now since the start and it has not improved whatsoever. Is this normal or am I cooked? Cuz from what I've heard from many others, they're having the times of their lives. The only time I've been genuinely happy here was when I got high, but if I need a drug to make me feel positive, then somethings wrong there.

It's totally okay, I've just started my second year and I'm only now starting to make friends. It takes time but you'll find people eventually. Try join clubs and go to events and don't feel discouraged!

 

[EternalShore]

This is why I felt alone, because they have a completely different though process than me.

Agreeable tbh~ Childhood purity is gone and replaced by poisoning~ It's hard to trust anyone to actually be your friend either~ I can talk to people all the time about their interests~ but well... doesn't mean they won't just leave me anyways or leave the second I talk about mine! >_< plus, all everyone cares about is like sports or especially, around Halloween, horror~ :/

I'm in class right now, and my whole row of chairs is empty besides me. That's a good visualization of my whole experience. I had the chance to make friends right in the first few weeks, before all the groups of friends were formed, but I didn't, so I'm now alone, in year 2. I deserve that, because I didn't put much effort in socializing, but it still hurts. At least I go to uni in my own city, so I live with my parents so I'm not completely alone, but maybe it wouldve been better to rent a room with someone and maybe have a chance to make friends idk. I hope things get better for you at least.

I was the only person in my dorm who didn't come a week early, so I was already starting late~ I did make friends in the first couple weeks, but something happened (idk what), and my memory restarts only like 4 months later only knowing that I was in the hospital for a while and had dated someone in the interrim~ Not to mention, 2 of my friends dropped out, I developed a hatred for the 3rd, and the 4th still exists, but I talk to her rarely~ Lesson being that well, I did do that and put effort into socializing, but I'm still just as lonely as you are today~ :( Perhaps it wouldn't have been different ig~ :( and I live with my parents too! ^_^ ofc, they suck, and I hate them tho! :/ I hope things get better for you and everyone else in this thread! ^_^ Perhaps we can get lucky! :)

 

[N7_Alliance_Marine]

Yeah, that post has nothing to with that

It clearly does. Most college students are left-leaning which means they're more likely to support pre-marital sex and abortion. I do not like to be around people who think those things are ok. It makes me feel alone since no one else is in the same boat as me.

doesn't mean they won't just leave me anyways or leave the second I talk about mine

Yeah, lol. This happens to me all the time. I listen to someone's interests, ask lots of questions, do everything I can to show I'm interested into what their interested in, then they basically abandon me once I talk about my interests.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

It clearly does. Most college students are left-leaning which means they're more likely to support pre-marital sex and abortion. I do not like to be around people who think those things are ok. It makes me feel alone since no one else is in the same boat as me.

Again, this has nothing to do with the thread. The thread is about loneliness while in uni, not about you and regressive views or whatever. If you want to start a separate thread where you whine about abortions while using the n-word with an r then go ahead. I don't get why you feel the need to bring up this shit, especially when you aren't even in uni.

 

[deadzombie6]

Ikr being lonely in university is the worst thing ever and it seems like everyone already have their own friend group . As a socially awkward individual it's hard to fit in /:

 

[Apathy79]

The good thing about Uni is the group is constantly changing, especially if you're like me and take classes in funky orders so you're doing classes with 1st year students in 3rd year and things like that. If I look at the best friends I made in Uni, I didn't meet or at least properly get to know a single one of them in my first year. Most of them I met in my 2nd year, and a couple even after that.

You meet people in random group assignments and small group tutorials along the way. Through sports and interest groups. Even through online discussions about classes through the Uni portal.

It probably helps to realise many, even most, students are insecure about the same thing, particularly early on. As an introvert I struggled (still do) with just talking to people randomly unless they're clearly alone, bored and obviously open to it. But I think most people appreciate when you're friendly with them, even when it appears they're already in a group. It's rarely a long term friendship group - usually just people trying to fit in and be comfortable socially, like you.

 

[shinigami_1992]

To anyone who's in university or has attended before, is it normal to feel lonely as hell. Like, even the first day of uni, people already had friend groups and cliques, and despite going against my instincts and putting myself out there to meet people, I always end up like an outsider. I'm also quite far away from my family now so besides the occasional calls from my parents, I literally have no one else. I thought uni was supposed to be this "eye opening" experience where you truly discover your true self, but it feels like mentally, I've gone backwards. I am grateful to have this opportunity, obviously, and the course I'm doing is something I actually enjoy studying (Creative Writing) but It's been over a month now since the start and it has not improved whatsoever. Is this normal or am I cooked? Cuz from what I've heard from many others, they're having the times of their lives. The only time I've been genuinely happy here was when I got high, but if I need a drug to make me feel positive, then somethings wrong there.

Where ARE YOU?

If in the UK, don't expect too much. Universities here are political, biased mafia. If you outsider seeking degree X new friends, you will not find self out in pre existing groups that follow from eg. Schools.

Also various ppl come with various wallet X resources, different mindset. Like how do you guess who is who? You can't

Like you get super well of Chinese students who worry only degree. Various UK ppl with various wallet-majority on loans but back up varies as some live at home, some at campus, some pay private rooms.

You get ppl who only do degree, some mix degree X work. Some succeed, some fail but what I realised, NOBODY is entirely honest. Staff mostly doesn't care and generalize things out of habit.

Like, if you hear ppl have time of their life, think twice and what it means X social existence. Some will splash out all and be later crying. Some live off parents. Some find the peer praise X friends bcuz of spending etc and maintaining status. Do NOT get fooled.

I'd just focus on own business. Own study X job X future. Confidence X self worth comes from inside. Nobody will make you feel valued or loved unless you self respect self. Like just Do NOT CARE about other ppl.

 

[N7_Alliance_Marine]

If you want to start a separate thread where you whine about abortions while using the n-word with an r then go ahead.

The thread is about loneliness while in uni, not about you and regressive views or whatever

Most college students are left-leaning which means they're more likely to support pre-marital sex and abortion. I do not like to be around people who think those things are ok.

This is why I felt alone, because they have a completely different thought process than me.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

View attachment 152812

Interesting how the only way you can you think of justifying randomly bringing up your views on premarital sex and abortions in a thread about loneliness in relation to university is by claiming that by holding these regressive views that somehow that makes you feel lonely. You do realize that the thread is specifically about loneliness being felt in university, right? Not just about loneliness in of itself. Also, let's face it, plenty of people hold regressive views like yours and don't feel lonely so I have doubts about your supposed reasoning.

If anything, I'd say that most of deplorable and racist bs you spewed on this thread probably explains why no one wants to hang around you.

 

[N7_Alliance_Marine]

Interesting how the only way you can you think of justifying randomly bringing up your views on premarital sex and abortions in a thread about loneliness in relation to university is by claiming that by holding these regressive views that somehow that makes you feel lonely. You do realize that the thread is specifically about loneliness being felt in university, right? Not just about loneliness in of itself. Also, let's face it, plenty of people hold regressive views like yours and don't feel lonely so I have doubts about your supposed reasoning.

If anything, I'd say that most of deplorable and racist bs you spewed on this thread probably explains why no one wants to hang around you.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

View attachment 152856

First off, that wasn't even a long post. Secondly, just fucking leave this thread already if all you are going to do is act like this in response to being called out for using this thread as an excuse to rant about unrelated shit you don't like.

 

[N7_Alliance_Marine]

First off, that wasn't even a long post. Secondly, just fucking leave this thread already if all you are going to do is act like this in response to being called out for using this thread as an excuse to rant about unrelated shit you don't like.

dnr.

 

[Average Enthusiast]

Where ARE YOU?

If in the UK, don't expect too much. Universities here are political, biased mafia. If you outsider seeking degree X new friends, you will not find self out in pre existing groups that follow from eg. Schools.

Also various ppl come with various wallet X resources, different mindset. Like how do you guess who is who? You can't

Like you get super well of Chinese students who worry only degree. Various UK ppl with various wallet-majority on loans but back up varies as some live at home, some at campus, some pay private rooms.

You get ppl who only do degree, some mix degree X work. Some succeed, some fail but what I realised, NOBODY is entirely honest. Staff mostly doesn't care and generalize things out of habit.

Like, if you hear ppl have time of their life, think twice and what it means X social existence. Some will splash out all and be later crying. Some live off parents. Some find the peer praise X friends bcuz of spending etc and maintaining status. Do NOT get fooled.

I'd just focus on own business. Own study X job X future. Confidence X self worth comes from inside. Nobody will make you feel valued or loved unless you self respect self. Like just Do NOT CARE about other ppl.

Hi sorry for the late response. I'm from Ireland, so would be quite similar to the UK. Yea I've kinda learned to just focus on my own shit for now. I've noticed a lot of people who are completely different with some compared to others. Like they're almost switching identities all the time. I don't understand why someone would do that, surely it's demoralising to have to been someone else to have so many friends. Is that a sign of insecurity?

 

[Aglossa]

To anyone who's in university or has attended before, is it normal to feel lonely as hell. Like, even the first day of uni, people already had friend groups and cliques, and despite going against my instincts and putting myself out there to meet people, I always end up like an outsider. I'm also quite far away from my family now so besides the occasional calls from my parents, I literally have no one else. I thought uni was supposed to be this "eye opening" experience where you truly discover your true self, but it feels like mentally, I've gone backwards. I am grateful to have this opportunity, obviously, and the course I'm doing is something I actually enjoy studying (Creative Writing) but It's been over a month now since the start and it has not improved whatsoever. Is this normal or am I cooked? Cuz from what I've heard from many others, they're having the times of their lives. The only time I've been genuinely happy here was when I got high, but if I need a drug to make me feel positive, then somethings wrong there.

Several years into uni here. You will absolutely gain many opportunities to meet new people, even after years of attending. You have to actively seek it out though, it is easy to isolate yourself. About half a year ago I was feeling kind of hopeless and stifled so I purposely joined a exercise class with people I did not know. I was put in a group with 3 others who I had to work together with and we are friends now. However, even if I make friends and attend social events I still feel so horribly lonely... The others at my uni are nice people but I just cannot connect at all somehow. I absolutely hope you will be able to meet some amazing people who will fill that void in you