deathplease
waiting to die
- Feb 16, 2019
- 124
Hello all,
I am new to this website, although I've been reading threads for some time. I'm looking for some help with my method, and finding the courage to do it.
I've been actively planning to ctb for about 3 months now, but I've been unfortunately lacking the courage to do so. My survival instinct always gets in the way and I end up putting off. I know I just want to be dead and end my suffering. My two chosen methods are either hanging (full suspension), or jumping from an escarpment in my city. I have a rope I got from a hardware store that holds about 300 pounds I believe, which would definitely hold me since I'm only about 130 pounds. I live alone and would definitely have enough private time for me to complete the hanging, but when I tried recently my SI got in the way. I couldn't get myself to kick the chair and end it. I tied a slipknot, put the rope on the top of the door frame and shut the door enough that the rope couldn't be moved, and also tied the rope around the door knob on the other side for extra insurance. I want to do full suspension so I can't turn back but I need the courage to do it. If I were to jump, I would be jumping from about 100m. I know 3 people who have ctb from jumping that height so I think that would work, but I'm really worried about getting rescued. I also need confirmation that an 100m jump would kill me. I would try to do it in the middle of the night but again my SI gets in the way and I'm also terrified of heights. Something about either of these methods comforts me knowing it would be fast and they are usually successful.
The point I'm getting to here is, can someone help me figure out which method is better (fastest/least painful death and success rate), and how to get the courage to do it? Can someone also tell me if there are any faults in either of my plans? I'm so concerned about getting rescued with either one and getting brain damage. I also would appreciate some tips for hanging and jumping to make sure they would work..anything helps. I know I need to just end it. I've suffered through a lot of trauma and mental illness for as long as I remember. I really just want to be at peace. Thank you so much.
I am new to this website, although I've been reading threads for some time. I'm looking for some help with my method, and finding the courage to do it.
I've been actively planning to ctb for about 3 months now, but I've been unfortunately lacking the courage to do so. My survival instinct always gets in the way and I end up putting off. I know I just want to be dead and end my suffering. My two chosen methods are either hanging (full suspension), or jumping from an escarpment in my city. I have a rope I got from a hardware store that holds about 300 pounds I believe, which would definitely hold me since I'm only about 130 pounds. I live alone and would definitely have enough private time for me to complete the hanging, but when I tried recently my SI got in the way. I couldn't get myself to kick the chair and end it. I tied a slipknot, put the rope on the top of the door frame and shut the door enough that the rope couldn't be moved, and also tied the rope around the door knob on the other side for extra insurance. I want to do full suspension so I can't turn back but I need the courage to do it. If I were to jump, I would be jumping from about 100m. I know 3 people who have ctb from jumping that height so I think that would work, but I'm really worried about getting rescued. I also need confirmation that an 100m jump would kill me. I would try to do it in the middle of the night but again my SI gets in the way and I'm also terrified of heights. Something about either of these methods comforts me knowing it would be fast and they are usually successful.
The point I'm getting to here is, can someone help me figure out which method is better (fastest/least painful death and success rate), and how to get the courage to do it? Can someone also tell me if there are any faults in either of my plans? I'm so concerned about getting rescued with either one and getting brain damage. I also would appreciate some tips for hanging and jumping to make sure they would work..anything helps. I know I need to just end it. I've suffered through a lot of trauma and mental illness for as long as I remember. I really just want to be at peace. Thank you so much.