Looking for my boyfriend

[Chelsea]

I don't know where to start.
I've struggled with mental illness since I was about ten. I've been suicidal for years now, too many years.
I met a guy when I was 22 that was amazing. But just like some relationships, it just didn't work out. We always kept in touch and we were always there for each other.
I didn't know he suffered from mental illness until recently, and it was too late.
He committed suicide the weekend of June 16.
We had gotten into an argument. And that's the last I spoke to him.
Now all I can think about is all I would change if I had another chance with him. Which leads me deeper into my suicidal thoughts. I just want to see him again. I honestly thought he was my soulmate.
Im just trying to gather up the pieces or clues he left behind. I want to know what was going through this head when he did it.
He left me a note, but it only told me to live a happy life, something he couldn't do.
But how can I without him.

He hung himself and now I'm thinking of doing it too.

 

[ForestDuck]

I'd like to give my two cents to this post, I feel like you still have a chance, I know it's hard losing someone to suicide, it's happend to a close family relative on mine. He was in the same state of mind, and then went on to seek councilling which helped him, I mean you could always try to do this for yourself and if it helps then all good, if not atleast you can say you tried?

Again, you can take this with a pinch of salt, I hope you all the best.

 

[Threads]

Sorry for your loss.

I've lost 2/3 maternal cousins to suicide. I see the face of my uncle and how the death of his (even nine years later) has completely made him into a shell of what he truly is. So I can only imagine the pain your going through.

My only suggestion is that before you take your life, give yourself the time to grieve for your loss. The end process of mourning has a lot to do with your own intrapersonal relationship, and through my own grieving processes of one of my cousins I found some personal peace and solace with my own situation.

 

[transgenderfailure]

I hate getting all technical in such difficult periods but know that there might be something you could cling onto and that is, the 5 stages of grief, the loss is unbearable right now, I understand, but you can survive and live. I believe in you.

Read this:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

 

[Sternum]

Im so sorry for this situation happening to you. Please receive my hug through the internet. People who live through the suicide of a close one almost always wish they could have done something differently. Of course I don't know, but it may be that your boyfriend received his relief. Speaking as someone that has majorly struggled with sad emotions, this may have been better for him. Can you wait a little before doing something, to see if you start feeling any better?

 

[Hanger]

That´s a real sad story. It´s hard to loose someone this way, I lost my only girlfriend the same way, it was 12 years ago and no it never got better...

 

[dsbm]

I am going to ctb very soon, maybe within the next month. the only thing holding me back currently is leaving my boyfriend to suffer in the same way... I don't want to hurt anyone else but I know the longer I live the more people will be hurt when I finally go.

 

[Chelsea]

I'd like to give my two cents to this post, I feel like you still have a chance, I know it's hard losing someone to suicide, it's happend to a close family relative on mine. He was in the same state of mind, and then went on to seek councilling which helped him, I mean you could always try to do this for yourself and if it helps then all good, if not atleast you can say you tried?

Again, you can take this with a pinch of salt, I hope you all the best.

I made an appointment for therapy but I never went. I just couldn't find it in myself to go.
I'll grieve and see how I feel.

I've gone through a pretty hard existence, and I guess this is just the straw that broke the camels back, you know.

 

[Chelsea]

Sorry for your loss.

I've lost 2/3 maternal cousins to suicide. I see the face of my uncle and how the death of his (even nine years later) has completely made him into a shell of what he truly is. So I can only imagine the pain your going through.

My only suggestion is that before you take your life, give yourself the time to grieve for your loss. The end process of mourning has a lot to do with your own intrapersonal relationship, and through my own grieving processes of one of my cousins I found some personal peace and solace with my own situation.

I will try to go through the process of grieving. I'm giving myself time. I definitely feel this has completely changed me.

 

[Chelsea]

That´s a real sad story. It´s hard to loose someone this way, I lost my only girlfriend the same way, it was 12 years ago and no it never got better...

Im sorry for your loss.
That's what I feel. It's been a month and it hurts as much as the day I found out. It doesn't get any better. I doubt it ever will.

 

[Chelsea]

I am going to ctb very soon, maybe within the next month. the only thing holding me back currently is leaving my boyfriend to suffer in the same way... I don't want to hurt anyone else but I know the longer I live the more people will be hurt when I finally go.

Is he a reason you want to kill yourself or is he a reason you'd want to stay?

 

[Karlala]

Is he a reason you want to kill yourself or is he a reason you'd want to stay?

I'd like to ask you a question , my fiance left me and took our daughter with her not to long ago I have been devastated ever since and now I'm here planning my final exit I love them both with all I have and it hurts to be without them now I feel o cant fo forward I've lost everything and cant see the family i love with someone else. It would just kill me an i wrong to just end my life

 

[dsbm]

Is he a reason you want to kill yourself or is he a reason you'd want to stay?

He's the only reason I'd stay.