• Hey Guest,

    An update on the OFCOM situation: As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. OFCOM, the UK’s communications regulator, has singled out our community, demanding compliance with their Online Safety Act despite our minimal UK presence. This is a blatant overreach, and they have been sending letters pressuring us to comply with their censorship agenda.

    Our platform is already blocked by many UK ISPs, yet they continue their attempts to stifle free speech. Standing up to this kind of regulatory overreach requires lots of resources to maintain our infrastructure and fight back against these unjust demands. If you value our community and want to support us during this time, we would greatly appreciate any and all donations.

    Read more about the situation here: Click to View Post

    Donate via cryptocurrency:

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sadlyexisting

sadlyexisting

I don't know who I am anymore.
Jun 26, 2023
110
I really don't know what to do anymore. 2024 actually started off quite well, I had people to talk to, my friends still invited me out and my grades were going up, even my parents were in a relatively okay mood. Of course, there were some bad days here and there, but I was enjoying myself at least. It even stayed alright towards the middle of the year, I met my partner in that time, which made me very happy.

But my in real life friends basically started abandoning me there, they started ignoring me and ended up not even inviting me to a party they threw on my birthday. And also I was still in contact with a fucker that basically made my life a living hell, but I survived it thanks to my partner and the hope I felt in my life.

Moving to November this year, I basically talked to no one except my partner anymore, he was the only person that helped me gain some type of comfort during that time. But then suddenly he started being dry and cold, he didn't want to call anymore and sometimes took hours to reply even though he was online. It really broke me, a lot.

When I suggested separating at the start of December, he was very cold about it, seemingly having no emotion at all. He coldly told me that he just didn't love me anymore, and somehow I couldn't believe it, I still can't. I can't believe all of that time was just fake, but maybe it is really true. Either way, after that I basically had a complete mental breakdown, my grades declined, I lost interest in everything.

Over that time I feel like I lost my complete personality, like genuinely. I don't want anything anymore, and I am not interested in anything at all. I am just simply sitting here in my bed, listening to music all day. I don't feel any feelings or emotions anymore, I simply am a walking shell without goals, passions, wants or anything I care about.

I want everything but nothing at the same time. You could ask me any question about what I would rather want and no matter what it is about, I could never answer. I don't even have a favorite color or animal anymore, I lost everything that once defined my personality. But at the same time I hate everything I am now, and also everything I was in the past as well. I can seemingly never be satisfied with myself.

I am not even sure if I want to die anymore as well, I just can't decide what would be better for me. Dying probably, but there's still that small spark of something keeping me alive, what that is, I don't know. I just wish I had people to talk to, people I could go out with to maybe find myself again, but it'll seemingly never happen due to my severe social anxiety.

I just want to die, I am not even human anymore.
 
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Reactions: particularrodent, johnthefishermann, GlassMoon and 3 others
kenma0

kenma0

𝔪𝔦𝔰𝔰𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔱𝔬 𝔡𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥
Dec 22, 2024
39
this is how i feel. someone i thought loved and cared for me used me for all of 2024 for "fun" as he states it... and now hes dating the girl he cheated on me with. i feel like just nothing. i dont want to die but i dont want to live. i wish i was in a coma. not feeling a single thing. im glad youre enjoying music. i cant listen to music anymore. i cant do anything. my grades in college are only afloat due to me looking up the answers. i retain no knowledge.

i know i have people but they dont make me as happy as my ex. i wish that wasnt true, because i love all my friends till the end of the earth, but without my best friend, my everything, im quite literally nothing...

im a shell of who i once was, and i seem contempt in it. i have no real motivation to find myself again. i just want to be nothing, because i feel like i deserve nothing. and i wonder if dying is just relief from that?
 
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Reactions: sadlyexisting and wondering&wandering
idhayam

idhayam

not my world ❦
Sep 23, 2023
44
I don't know who I am.
 
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Reactions: sizzle440 and particularrodent

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