Losing yourself to a relationship

[Metavoid]

Who else has been in an extremely deep romantic relationship that essentially stole your entire identity? It's hard to let go of one like that because you would be lost. The thought of being alone or worse, being and having sex with someone else makes you feel physically sick. Attempting to look at other men/women and thinking "man everyone is so freaking unattractive. I could never be intimate with anyone else". Anyone else going through or been through this?

 

[Lizzie S.]

Yeppp it sucks :(

 

[Willdieby30]

i have been for 10 months. i met this amazing girl and my life is nothing without her, or someone like her. needless to say, i am not still seeing or communicating with her, so it isn't a close relationship, or a two sided normal one, but i think of her everyday.

 

[Schopenhauer]

I definitely understand the part about finding everyone else unattractive. Ever since my relationship with a certain girl, I compare everyone else to her, and they all lose badly...

 

[Sayo]

Yes. To be honest, these kinds of relationships are often co-dependent, but everything about them represents the totality of what I find worthwhile about consciousness. My whole life I have craved an all-encompassing, soul-morphing love; I am fascinated by what happens when people's minds can interact and grow together, but relatively uninterested in the imposition of the broader community, so the intimacy of two is perfect for me.

I definitely over-idealise it, maybe because I would want to die anyway and I have no interest in people sexually (outside the context of a relationship) anyway. Perhaps what I have to offer is diminished by the fact the stakes are so low for someone like me.

I don't enjoy being physically connected to my own body, and the thought of looking at anybody else in that way repulses me. Still, being in this relationship definitely heightened the repulsion towards being sexual with others, while lessening my fear of the flesh.

The problem is that I am suicidal and mentally ill anyway, so I really regret it, because maybe my partner would have been never the wiser and never suffered like you. I made a really earnest effort to get better, but it seems it will not work out, so... honestly it's very hard for me to grieve anything else, I feel despair often when I think about cutting the moments that we are together short, but everything else, especially myself, can end (great case study in not fixing yourself first).

 

[lost illusions]

I probably would have lost myself in a relationship if I ever had one, not enough to lose I guess

 

[lost illusions]

I probably would have lost myself in a relationship if I ever had one, not enough to lose I guess

I truely believed if I would have had someone I could have learned from or even just a positive influence from somebody I could trust, my life would have meant something

 

[Metavoid]

I truely believed if I would have had someone I could have learned from or even just a positive influence from somebody I could trust, my life would have meant something

Relationships destroyed me and my life. Love is a blessing and a curse.

 

[worldexploder]

My love life was pathetic.

I dated a girl when I was 16 for one month.

Then didn't date again till I was 23. that was for 3 months and she broke my heart. Wrote me an email that said "Found someone else last night. I never cared about you anyway". We never had an argument or anything and that came just a week after I worked so very hard to move her in her house.

The next relationship when I was 24 was far worse. That lasted for a couple months. Long story short, I dated a psychopath who did nothing but play mind games with me. I was a victim of emotional abuse.

The only person I was with who really gave a damn was my ex wife but we all know that didn't work out.

So fuck relationships. I got my mind in a mode were I don't even want them anymore. Plus nobody would truly love a guy like me anyway.

 

[lost illusions]

Relationships destroyed me and my life. Love is a blessing and a curse.

Atleast you got to try

 

[Metavoid]

My love life was pathetic.

I dated a girl when I was 16 for one month.

Then didn't date again till I was 23. that was for 3 months and she broke my heart. Wrote me an email that said "Found someone else last night. I never cared about you anyway". We never had an argument or anything and that came just a week after I worked so very hard to move her in her house.

The next relationship when I was 24 was far worse. That lasted for a couple months. Long story short, I dated a psychopath who did nothing but play mind games with me. I was a victim of emotional abuse.

The only person I was with who really gave a damn was my ex wife but we all know that didn't work out.

So fuck relationships. I got my mind in a mode were I don't even want them anymore. Plus nobody would truly love a guy like me anyway.

Hey how about we try? Then if it doesn't work we can off ourselves.

 

[worldexploder]

Hey how about we try? Then if it doesn't work we can off ourselves.

I'm done trying and fixing on dying. All I wanted was love. In return I got rejection and pain.

 

[Metavoid]

I'm done trying and fixing on dying. All I wanted was love. In return I got rejection and pain.

I hear you. Fuck people and fuck life. Fuck it all.
I'm dumping my bf tomorrow. I have no time to be fucking around in a long distance relationship. I have needs. I want to have sex before i kill myself. Who cares if I deeply love him. If he's too busy to even visit me, then fuck him. Been hanging on waiting for him for fucking years.

 

[Help_Me]

Relationships destroyed my mind and my life, this is the primary reason i want to ctb of... I made a mistake, i truly wanted to live like normal person and have family.. this is the exact decision why i am here on this suicidal forum.

 

[worldexploder]

I hear you. Fuck people and fuck life. Fuck it all.
I'm dumping my bf tomorrow. I have no time to be fucking around in a long distance relationship. I have needs. I want to have sex before i kill myself. Who cares if I deeply love him. If he's too busy to even visit me, then fuck him. Been hanging on waiting for him for fucking years.

I'm sorry to here that. How long has it been?

 

[Metavoid]

Relationships destroyed my mind and my life, this is the primary reason i want to ctb of... I made a mistake, i truly wanted to live like normal person and have family.. this is the exact decision why i am here on this suicidal forum.

SAME. Fucking sick of it. All I wanted was a home and a baby. If he can't provide me with the most basic of needs then I'm done. Fuck it.

 

[Metavoid]

I'm sorry to here that. How long has it been?

Over two years now, we keep making plans to fix things and get a house but he's never fucking sorted his shit and he keeps saying soon and soon and fucking soon. I see him twice a year at fucking most. Sick to death of this crap. But he's a big dreamy handsome biker and I love him so I'm hanging on to hope but I'm fucking done. Maybe I should just block him and leave him hanging. I don't care anymore. I'm sick of waiting. A basic fucking thing a man should be able to provide is a fucking home and baby but no. Fucking sick of it

 

[Help_Me]

I hear you. Fuck people and fuck life. Fuck it all.
I'm dumping my bf tomorrow. I have no time to be fucking around in a long distance relationship. I have needs. I want to have sex before i kill myself. Who cares if I deeply love him. If he's too busy to even visit me, then fuck him. Been hanging on waiting for him for fucking years.

You seems to be a normal person, not joking. Now imagine my situation : we both live in the same city, and she does not even want that (30 years old and never cared about close... let's say "love affair" between us). And we're like 5 or 6 years in relationships. My life trully sucks... As for you, i hope you'll find enough strenght to survive parting with your bf. Also, take care of yourself.

 

[Metavoid]

You seems to be a normal person, not joking. Now imagine my situation : we both live in the same city, and she does not even want that (30 years old and never cared about close... let's say "love affair" between us). And we're like 5 or 6 years in relationships. My life trully sucks... As for you, i hope you'll find enough strenght to survive parting with your bf. Also, take care of yourself.

Thank you *hugs*

 

[worldexploder]

Over two years now, we keep making plans to fix things and get a house but he's never fucking sorted his shit and he keeps saying soon and soon and fucking soon. I see him twice a year at fucking most. Sick to death of this crap. But he's a big dreamy handsome biker and I love him so I'm hanging on to hope but I'm fucking done. Maybe I should just block him and leave him hanging. I don't care anymore. I'm sick of waiting. A basic fucking thing a man should be able to provide is a fucking home and baby but no. Fucking sick of it

Dang....twice a year would be tough. I can understand why your frustrated.

 

[worldexploder]

The thought of someone genuinely loving me is just hilarious! Wtf would have to be wrong with someone to actually give a damn about a meatsuit like me! The thought is just absurd

 

[Metavoid]

Dang....twice a year would be tough. I can understand why your frustrated.

Yeah. Like, I saw him a couple months ago. He said when I left he should be sorted with the contract in mid September. Well that never came. And he gets pissed at me and calls me a lunatic if I tell him I'm getting frustrated. He just says it's not his fault and he's going as fast as he can and I need to sit tight and shut the fuck up and let him get on. I'm fucking done I need to have sex I don't give a shit anymore I waited this long for a normal life and I can't have that so I'm fucking done

 

[Sharethepain]

Yeah, honestly I'm in the exact same boat. I never knew how much love could mean to me before I met her, and frankly, it meant everything to me. We have been together for over 3 years with one breakup, the last one being the second, and final. It has been 158 days since.

I still keep writing her poems when I can't sleep, and sadly, she'll never read them.

I could not begin to describe with words what her existence in my world meant to me, I lived every day for her, I did all the little things to make her smile, she gave me motivation and hope in this dreadful world. With her by my side I really wanted to do something with myself, to build a future for her. She was the sole person to made me genuinely smile in this world, and by being with her, and making her happy, I sometimes felt like being born wasn't so meaningless after all. Seeing her smile or hearing her laugh was enough to make my day so much brighter.

Not all fairy tales have a happy ending though, I still struggled with depression and being suicidal sometimes, I must have made her so worried and sad, I keep regretting it every waking moment of every day. I cannot possibly live with losing such a treasure.
No offense meant to anyone, but in my eyes she was the best girl in every aspect, everyone simply pales in comparison, she had a certain vibe that I've never seen in anyone before. I do not really bother to look at anyone else, and never did. All I could ever see was her. Simply put, I just can't go on, or rather don't want to, without her. Sorry for the rather long post.

 

[Metavoid]

Yeah, honestly I'm in the exact same boat. I never knew how much love could mean to me before I met her, and frankly, it meant everything to me. We have been together for over 3 years with one breakup, the last one being the second, and final. It has been 158 days since.

I still keep writing her poems when I can't sleep, and sadly, she'll never read them.

I could not begin to describe with words what her existence in my world meant to me, I lived every day for her, I did all the little things to make her smile, she gave me motivation and hope in this dreadful world. With her by my side I really wanted to do something with myself, to build a future for her. She was the sole person to made me genuinely smile in this world, and by being with her, and making her happy, I sometimes felt like being born wasn't so meaningless after all. Seeing her smile or hearing her laugh was enough to make my day so much brighter.

Not all fairy tales have a happy ending though, I still struggled with with depression and being suicidal sometimes, I must have made her so worried and sad, I keep regretting it every waking moment of every day. I cannot possibly live with losing such a treasure.
No offense meant to anyone, but in my eyes she was the best girl in every aspect, everyone simply pales in comparison, she had a certain vibe that I've never seen in anyone before. I do not really bother to look at anyone else, and never did. All I could ever see was her. Simply put, I just can't go on, or rather don't want to, without her. Sorry for the rather long post.

Your post made me cry :(

 

[Sharethepain]

Your post made me cry :(

Yeah sorry, I kind of started crying as well. All we ever wanted was love, and yet this world keeps taking everything from us.

 

[Help_Me]

I did all the little things to make her smile, she gave me motivation and hope in this dreadful world. With her by my side I really wanted to do something with myself, to build a future for her. She was the sole person to made me genuinely smile in this world, and by being with her, and making her happy, I sometimes felt like being born wasn't so meaningless after all. Seeing her smile or hearing her laugh was enough to make my day so much brighter.

I'm in the same situation. The only positive emotions i ever had were connected with her. I just love making a gifts and small surprises just to see her smiling..

 

[Metavoid]

Yeah sorry, I kind of started crying as well. All we ever wanted was love, and yet this world keeps taking everything from us.

Well put. I know I'd have the perfect relationship if my fucking bf just stopped working away out the damn country. It's just out of fuckimg reach. I don't know what's worse, being with someone who would be perfect if they were physically close to you or being physically close to someone but the relationship isn't working anyway.

 

[lost illusions]

After reading all this, I think I should have been a whoe haha

 

[Sharethepain]

Well put. I know I'd have the perfect relationship if my fucking bf just stopped working away out the damn country. It's just out of fuckimg reach. I don't know what's worse, being with someone who would be perfect if they were physically close to you or being physically close to someone but the relationship isn't working anyway.

I'd say get rid of things that make you unhappy, even though sometimes it requires you to be kind of mean. I feel like life is too short to be chained down by things that keep hurting us. At least I feel like that is what she taught me. It hurts to see both sides of the coin sometimes.

You should instead focus on the things that can make you happy, if you still have some of them. Ditch the useless and get the useful. Life is not a difficult thing, its our minds that make it so.

 

[Metavoid]

I'd say get rid of things that make you unhappy, even though sometimes it requires you to be kind of mean. I feel like life is too short to be chained down by things that keep hurting us. At least I feel like that is what she taught me. It hurts to see both sides of the coin sometimes.

You should instead focus on the things that can make you happy, if you still have some of them. Ditch the useless and get the useful. Life is not a difficult thing, its our minds that make it so.

Things that make me happy: being with him. Holding hands, cuddling, fucking. Nothing else makes me happy.