Lost Job ™️

[Sleeper System]

I don't have much in this life to live for and it's been that way for almost a decade now. One of the only things keeping my head above water was my job. That's not to say it was anything great but it kept me motivated enough to suppress the ideation and prolong my life if only a little longer.

Well, I think that all came to an end today. I was held accountable for an action that I took under the direction of someone above me and it turns out that it was against policy.
Did I know? No. Did I tell them the situation? Yes. Did they care? Not to my knowledge. The action was taken under my personal ID so im responsible regardless because despite who is really to blame, the action caused an issue. Their words.

I was suspended and sent home. I instantly contemplated ctb'ing. Like... instantly. Like some automatic response as if it were the normal conclusion.

Now I'm sitting here having to wait for a meeting that usually takes about 2 weeks. It's all just a formality. I know they're going to let me go. Wait for the finality is torture. I just don't have it in me to start somewhere else from zero again. I just can't. I'm so tired. So tired. I think this is the end for me.

A normal person would start brushing up their resume and getting ahead of things or being optimistic about the outcome but not me. I'm thinking how I dont have much money saved to be jobless for more than a month. How I'm going to tell my family what happened and vaguely insinuate to them that I'm checking out for good.

I want to divide what little I have up and leave enough for me to fly to Thailand and have a week of enjoyment before finding a gun and just flipping that switch off finally.

I hate feeling like this. It hurts and it's a feeling I've felt many times before and you never get use to it. But still... I have to wait. Wait and sit while my brain tortures me with scenerio after scenerio of whatever horrible fate might await me.
I tried to make this life pay off but it looks like a failed.
I'll provide an update if it's awaited.

 

[The_Hunter]

I am very sorry to hear that. I can certainly relate to you of having a thought of ideation in such stress; and the feeling of "this is automatic to me... but others would just move on. what's wrong with me?"

I understand that you feel very tired right now, and that your job was one of the things keeping your head above water. Have there been any other things in your life that have assisted you in this regard as well? Just for the sake of hearing more about how you feel.

Sometimes we feel very tired, and perhaps in those moments it's good to take a break and allow ourselves to process what the hell just happened. Feel free to talk more about how you felt about your job and how it helped you as well. But if you happen to feel a wish for employment again, I wish you best of luck in finding a position that suits you.

This is a very rough event indeed, and I wish that you're able to feel pockets of comfort and ease in this very hard spot of yours. If there is anything adjacent to this occurrence--maybe how you've felt about work and other things in the past and how they've affected your life as well--feel most free to share that as well, or anything, really. My regards.

 

[needthebus]

I don't have much in this life to live for and it's been that way for almost a decade now. One of the only things keeping my head above water was my job. That's not to say it was anything great but it kept me motivated enough to suppress the ideation and prolong my life if only a little longer.

Well, I think that all came to an end today. I was held accountable for an action that I took under the direction of someone above me and it turns out that it was against policy.
Did I know? No. Did I tell them the situation? Yes. Did they care? Not to my knowledge. The action was taken under my personal ID so im responsible regardless because despite who is really to blame, the action caused an issue. Their words.

I was suspended and sent home. I instantly contemplated ctb'ing. Like... instantly. Like some automatic response as if it were the normal conclusion.

Now I'm sitting here having to wait for a meeting that usually takes about 2 weeks. It's all just a formality. I know they're going to let me go. Wait for the finality is torture. I just don't have it in me to start somewhere else from zero again. I just can't. I'm so tired. So tired. I think this is the end for me.

A normal person would start brushing up their resume and getting ahead of things or being optimistic about the outcome but not me. I'm thinking how I dont have much money saved to be jobless for more than a month. How I'm going to tell my family what happened and vaguely insinuate to them that I'm checking out for good.

I want to divide what little I have up and leave enough for me to fly to Thailand and have a week of enjoyment before finding a gun and just flipping that switch off finally.

I hate feeling like this. It hurts and it's a feeling I've felt many times before and you never get use to it. But still... I have to wait. Wait and sit while my brain tortures me with scenerio after scenerio of whatever horrible fate might await me.
I tried to make this life pay off but it looks like a failed.
I'll provide an update if it's awaited.

how r u today?

 

[futurecorpse]

I instantly contemplated ctb'ing. Like... instantly. Like some automatic response as if it were the normal conclusion.

That was also my automatic response after losing my job - my career - the same day I was discharged from the hospital

I just don't have it in me to start somewhere else from zero again. I just can't. I'm so tired. So tired. I think this is the end for me.

A normal person would start brushing up their resume and getting ahead of things or being optimistic about the outcome but not me.

During the two weeks after losing my job, I was mostly lying in bed feeling depressed and mentally exhausted. I didn't want to try finding another job after my previous one was ripped away from me during a difficult time. When I was feeling okay, I reached out to 8 different places and emailed my updated resume only to be told no or no response.

I understand where you're coming from. It fcking HURTS to have something taken away from you. Something that keeps you going even if it's for a little while. I think this is it for me too. I really do. Sending you hugs and comfort during this difficult time Take the time to do some self care

 

[Sleeper System]

That was also my automatic response after losing my job - my career - the same day I was discharged from the hospital

During the two weeks after losing my job, I was mostly lying in bed feeling depressed and mentally exhausted. I didn't want to try finding another job after my previous one was ripped away from me during a difficult time. When I was feeling okay, I reached out to 8 different places and emailed my updated resume only to be told no or no response.

I understand where you're coming from. It fcking HURTS to have something taken away from you. Something that keeps you going even if it's for a little while. I think this is it for me too. I really do. Sending you hugs and comfort during this difficult time Take the time to do some self care

Thank you so much for this. I'm going through the same thing right now. I don't want to get out of bed or do anything. I've lost my appetite as expected any time something like this happens to me. I feel really lost. I find out officially tomorrow. The pit in my stomach is only getting worse.

I will have to do the same with my resume. I dread having to go through all that again. If I do get a job, it will be low paying and at the bottom. I think I will do like you and give myself 2 weeks to try and recover but honestly I don't know.

how r u today?

I'm just trying to get through the week. I find out tomorrow. I feel so sick and exhausted. I will post provably as soon as I get home from the meeting. Thank you for asking.

 

[futurecorpse]

Thank you so much for this. I'm going through the same thing right now. I don't want to get out of bed or do anything. I've lost my appetite as expected any time something like this happens to me. I feel really lost. I find out officially tomorrow. The pit in my stomach is only getting worse.

I will have to do the same with my resume. I dread having to go through all that again. If I do get a job, it will be low paying and at the bottom. I think I will do like you and give myself 2 weeks to try and recover but honestly I don't know.

We are here for you. It's a grieving process in itself. If you're comfortable with it, you can let us know what the outcome is. I hope it's a quick meeting. Maybe the outcome you're expecting will be the opposite, and I truly hope it is. Please take care of yourself and give yourself time to recuperate. Find yourself and a new path. I know it's easier said than done, but it's possible

 

[danny10]

I also wanna CTB because I lost my job. They fired me when I was in the hospital with treatment resistant depression.

 

[Raven2]

I hope this ends in a good outcome for you. I made an error a work today and had to report it to my manager and I was worrying about but it was my own error and not someone elses. Let us know how it goes if you feel up to it.