Venting Lots of problems

[drinkingintohell]

I feel like I've hit rock bottom again in life. Currently failing the school I am in, I have no friends irl, no girlfriend, no job. I'm a loser who's autistic as shit. I've been depressed for my whole life due to abuse, but now that I'm not being abused on the daily I feel so lost. Im just insanely lonely and have no purpose. I don't believe I've ever felt as alone as I've had in these past 2 years. I don't know *how* to make friends and even if I did I don't have the guts to try. I sit in my room all day watching tik tok and YouTube, sometimes eating nothing the whole day. I'm a lazy piece of shit and I know it. The only thing I've got going for me is being skinny atp, and I'm still not attractive anyway. I smoke a lot and drink sodas to fill any cravings for real food. I have so many pains, just last night I woke up to my ribs hurting. I feel like I'm 80 when I'm less than half the age. I don't know what to do with life or where I'm going with it. If my mother was not still alive I'd have taken the chance to kill myself so long ago. It feels bad that I sometimes just wish she'd be gone so I then could die guilt free. But even then I think I'd still feel guilty.

 

[ylenol]

Cheer up King, you're skinny, very hot, there's a way out.

 

[drinkingintohell]

Cheer up King, you're skinny, very hot, there's a way out.

Thanks, appreciate it.

 

[pointblank]

I feel like I've hit rock bottom again in life. Currently failing the school I am in, I have no friends irl, no girlfriend, no job. I'm a loser who's autistic as shit. I've been depressed for my whole life due to abuse, but now that I'm not being abused on the daily I feel so lost. Im just insanely lonely and have no purpose. I don't believe I've ever felt as alone as I've had in these past 2 years. I don't know *how* to make friends and even if I did I don't have the guts to try. I sit in my room all day watching tik tok and YouTube, sometimes eating nothing the whole day. I'm a lazy piece of shit and I know it. The only thing I've got going for me is being skinny atp, and I'm still not attractive anyway. I smoke a lot and drink sodas to fill any cravings for real food. I have so many pains, just last night I woke up to my ribs hurting. I feel like I'm 80 when I'm less than half the age. I don't know what to do with life or where I'm going with it. If my mother was not still alive I'd have taken the chance to kill myself so long ago. It feels bad that I sometimes just wish she'd be gone so I then could die guilt free. But even then I think I'd still feel guilty.

Can relate so much on that last bit. In hindsight though I should've went for it back then.

I have a question for you though. Are you philosophically done with life or are you still seeking to live it up?

 

[drinkingintohell]

Can relate so much on that last bit. In hindsight though I should've went for it back then.

I have a question for you though. Are you philosophically done with life or are you still seeking to live it up?

Honestly I feel done. Life hasn't given me any joy or a chance for it. I was born unlucky and miserable. I can remember praying for death when I was much younger being abused by family. Life sucks and isn't worth it imo. I welcome death with open arms. But like I said in my post, I feel a bit guilty for not appreciating this life like others think I should.