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Lavínia

Lavínia

plalace
Feb 19, 2024
108
My mind has been stable lately. I'm on vacation, so I've been spending more time at home.
My neighborhood is more dangerous than I remembered, and a feeling of insecurity and paranoia has started to creep up on me. My mother had surgery, so I haven't been sleeping very well, and I'm dedicating my entire day to her.
Because of the paranoia, when I close the front door, I grip the key tightly. I feel like I can't turn it for a few seconds, then I try to open it. I confirm that I've locked it, open it, and close it again. I repeat like five times, maintaining pressure once the key has been turned to imprint the sensation on my hand and be certain.
I'm having flashes of fear, when I'm in a situation and the worst-case scenario happens. I help my mother get up, and the still-healing cut on her stomach opens, and her insides spill out. While I'm sleeping, they climb over the wall and break in, and I can't defend myself, even with a knife near the bed. Listening to a story about my grandmother, someone cuts off her head while I can't move. I'm stabbed in the street. The pressure cooker with the vegetables explodes and burns my body. My nose starts bleeding; I didn't know I had a brain tumor. I drown myself in water and writhe on the floor. In my sleep, I say things I shouldn't, I expose secrets and insecurities; I have no secrets anymore.
I've had these flashes a lot, without forcing my imagination like I usually do; it's like a reminder. I don't feel sad or unmotivated; it's as if some strings I was holding on to lose their strength, and so I keep looking at them, but it's different than pulling again.
I feel like it's a problem, but overall I'm fine. I think I can go back to work on Monday and push myself. I smile, but I can push harder.
 
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Linda

Linda

Member
Jul 30, 2020
2,148
In real life, the worst-case scenario rarely happens. If you want to wory about things, then think about things that are more likely to happen. And think about how you would deal with them if they did happen. (That's a good thing to do. It's called planning.)
 
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