Help Medication robbed me of my feelings.

[Anhaedra]

Hello, not sure which section I should post this thread to but this is where most of the people are.

Lets start with my history with medications. Ive been on and off ssri's and antipsychotics since 2017 up to the start of 2024. Typically, I'd take meds for few weeks before I quit them (I know its not the best way to get off meds but I really got sick of them). The reason why I got off meds so often is because it robbed me of my energy, focus, thoughts, and feelings. Since last May, I returned again to taking meds, but this time I didnt quit them. And I've been taking them ever since due to my suicidal tendencies and ideation.

Normally I wouldn't care about any of this as long as I can work and have a normal life. However I really love writing poems and stories. And the lack of all that makes me so apathetic to characters relations, romance, and much more. My sentences are so flat and lack emotions. My descriptions are so weak and boring. I compared my writing now to when I was off meds and the difference is really showing. I know my english isnt perfect, but I used to make do with what words and verbs I know. Right now, I cant recall the words I need and I keep repeating words and verbs all over again making my writing boring and repetitive.

So last week, I stopped writing completely, as I dont see the reason why I'd keep writing so badly. I really wish I could return to when I was off meds, but I dont think I could function normally. Sometimes I think its not the meds that's doing so but the depression and anhedonia. I cant really tell but I think its a mix of both things.

Did anyone have similar experience? And what did you do to combat it?

 

[azad]

I'm severely lobotomized by anti psychotics. I can't use my short term memory. I can't think or feel anything. Every normal functioning is gone. Death is the only option but I'm too lobotomized to even ctb.

 

[Anhaedra]

I'm severely lobotomized by anti psychotics. I can't use my short term memory. I can't think or feel anything. Every normal functioning is gone. Death is the only option but I'm too lobotomized to even ctb.

Im so sorry to hear youre suffering, azad. Its horrible how being on meds for a long time can do. Have you tried getting off them?

 

[azad]

Im so sorry to hear youre suffering, azad. Its horrible how being on meds for a long time can do. Have you tried getting off them?

My parents won't let me stop meds. I'm in their control. I can't do anything on my own

 

[blackbeauty]

Hello, not sure which section I should post this thread to but this is where most of the people are.

Lets start with my history with medications. Ive been on and off ssri's and antipsychotics since 2017 up to the start of 2024. Typically, I'd take meds for few weeks before I quit them (I know its not the best way to get off meds but I really got sick of them). The reason why I got off meds so often is because it robbed me of my energy, focus, thoughts, and feelings. Since last May, I returned again to taking meds, but this time I didnt quit them. And I've been taking them ever since due to my suicidal tendencies and ideation.

Normally I wouldn't care about any of this as long as I can work and have a normal life. However I really love writing poems and stories. And the lack of all that makes me so apathetic to characters relations, romance, and much more. My sentences are so flat and lack emotions. My descriptions are so weak and boring. I compared my writing now to when I was off meds and the difference is really showing. I know my english isnt perfect, but I used to make do with what words and verbs I know. Right now, I cant recall the words I need and I keep repeating words and verbs all over again making my writing boring and repetitive.

So last week, I stopped writing completely, as I dont see the reason why I'd keep writing so badly. I really wish I could return to when I was off meds, but I dont think I could function normally. Sometimes I think its not the meds that's doing so but the depression and anhedonia. I cant really tell but I think its a mix of both things.

Did anyone have similar experience? And what did you do to combat it?

I understand this so much! I remember looking back at some of my old poems and thinking they were so much better because they were written with emotions pouring into them. I think the same as you that depression can take the colour out of your writing and it can feel grey.

When I feel like this, I read short stories or poems by writers I admire to inspire me again and maybe try to imitate their work so it can get me back into the groove of things.

I hope you don't stop writing forever, it sucks to leave something you love. Wishing you the best!

 

[broken_stoic]

Never had to deal with anti-psychotics, but ssris, snris, tons of other things . . . and yeah it's a real thing. I get terrible, terrible side effects from even a low amount of anything, but some have been slightly less bad than others. Do you have a good psychiatrist? Can you try some alternatives? Modern psychiatric meds are shit, basically a guessing game working on mechanisms we barely understand, so often you have to try alot of things before you find something you can cope with.

 

[eepymumu8]

I've also taken antidepressants and antipsychotics for a year. During the day, I feel a bit sleepy and my mind feels foggy.
But my doctor said it's better to 'feel nothing' than to 'feel depressed'... I'm not sure.
I just took a break during that time. I reduced my work and didn't do my hobbies if they were causing me distress.
Still, I think it's better for you to keep taking them. Stopping in the middle can be dangerous.

 

[UnnervedCompany]

Your story is the reason why I refuse to take meds whenever I feel depressed. I am afraid it will just make it worse in the long run