Discussion Mental illness and identity

[Nuclear Gandhi]

Today I had a therapy session and we discussed my pattern of thoughts during depressive episodes. One of the conclusions of what stops me from actively making changes (even small) is fear of losing depression as part of my identity. It sounds ridiculous, really, but when I thought about it more, I understood that I allowed mental illness to define my self-image. Recovering seems very hard because it's a road to unknown, as opposed to known patterns of anxiety and depression, as opposed to familiar avoidance behaviour.
On the other hand, accepting mental disorder and not having shame about it is an important part of recovery. There is, of course, a difference, but sometimes a line gets blurry for me, and by accepting I automatically assume depressive state as constant.

It's a very frustrating topic for me, since I always struggled with sense of identity. So any input would be greatly appreciated :)

 

[Wallace]

This is absolutely true. Going against an ingrained or core belief about ourselves is very difficult, and our minds tend to fall into familiar patterns. If you find something that works, I'd sure like to know about it myself.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Why not try other things to describe your identity or, rather, don't go for an identity at all and just exist as whomever you are. The focus on defining ourselves to create an identity screws us over in the long run.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It's a tough one. Rhetorical question: do you define depression as a mental illness one suffers from or is depression a way to describe and define who you are?
Or is it both at the same time?

 

[Nuclear Gandhi]

This is absolutely true. Going against an ingrained or core belief about ourselves is very difficult, and our minds tend to fall into familiar patterns. If you find something that works, I'd sure like to know about it myself.

If I will ever be able to rewrite this patterns, I will definitely update. Thank you for your reply!

Why not try other things to describe your identity or, rather, don't go for an identity at all and just exist as whomever you are. The focus on defining ourselves to create an identity screws us over in the long run.

I do agree in a way that focusing too much on your ego creates difficulties. However, living as I am is not an option for me, unfortunately. Just existing, keeping afloat - I've done it for 4 years now and it is very empty life. I am at that point when I am either making changes in myself or... well, catching the bus.
Anyway, thank you for your perfective!

It's a tough one. Rhetorical question: do you define depression as a mental illness one suffers from or is depression a way to describe and define who you are?
Or is it both at the same time?

You formulated precisely conflict I am experiencing. It's frustrating. I hope I will find the answer or make peace with not being able to answer it.

 

[SleeplessSoul]

I don't have much advice but this is a similar thing to what I've been dealing with. Speaking to my psychologist I've realised that one of the biggest things making it difficult is that I don't know who I am when I'm not depressed. I've been trying to think about what things I enjoy and how other people see me

 

[Nuclear Gandhi]

I don't have much advice but this is a similar thing to what I've been dealing with. Speaking to my psychologist I've realised that one of the biggest things making it difficult is that I don't know who I am when I'm not depressed. I've been trying to think about what things I enjoy and how other people see me

I am sorry you are going through similar experience. Depression became such a big part of my life at some point, that it's hard to build new boundaries and changing perspective. I hope you and me will be able to find ourselves and be at peace.