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qualityOV3Rquantity

qualityOV3Rquantity

Student
Jul 27, 2024
180
What the fuck? I was depressed, to various degrees, between the ages of 16 and 24. Every therapist, every doctor, my parents, any youtube video said some variation of "it can get better, it will get better, you won't feel this way forever." Shortly after turning 24 I developed a chronic physical illness, and now all the resources are saying the fucking opposite; "accept that it won't get better, this is your life now, don't try to fight against it." And yet, I'm supposed to somehow find happiness now?? I was depressed for 8 years while being totally physically healthy, I very much doubt that now that I'm in pain almost every hour of the day, that I'll somehow be happy. I fucking hate being alive so much. I will not accept being sick and in pain all the time, I deserve to have peace. And if I can't have it in life, I'm not going to live this bullshit life.
 
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TheHolySword

TheHolySword

empty heart
Nov 22, 2024
455
My therapists have told me from a young age that my depression will never go away, it'll always be a part of me. No professional ever told me that it will or does get better, but that it can. I've had to accept that my mental illness will not go away and will not get better. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to have to come to terms with this on top of everything else. I'm so sorry that you are suffering and that life has decided to play some cruel joke. I hope that you are able to find your peace
 
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easypeasy

easypeasy

Member
Jul 1, 2024
67
I can feel the pain in your words. I am older than you but also have a physical condition as a result of medical negligence which is worsening with time. I just want to thank you for posting. It made me feel understood.
 
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KuriGohan&Kamehameha

KuriGohan&Kamehameha

想死不能 - 想活不能
Nov 23, 2020
1,744
We have a very similar background, I experienced a pretty abusive childhood and had PTSD from an early age. In my adolescence I was told countless times that things would get easier as I got older, and some of the pain would fade with time. It never did, then in my late teens I got physically ill as well and have been suffering for nearly a decade at this point with various ailments. So I also feel very understood by your post.

Radical acceptance is such a crazy concept when it comes to illness and pain. I understand the philosophy behind it and what proponents of this stoic belief system think it will accomplish, but pain is a signal to the body that something is wrong, by design it is uncomfortable and difficult to tune out. It can only be ignored to a certain degree as everyone's tolerance for pain is different, plus it becomes a whole different ballgame when the pain is persistent rather than fleeting.

Sometimes I wonder what the end goal of it all is. As a chronically ill person, I am so tired and beat down by life that it is hard for me to muster any energy or put on a mask of happiness. Yet, this state of feeling so bad all the time, so exhausted, and my body being so weak, yet not having any support, and wondering how I'm meant to "accept that."

Having chronic illness at a young age is the worst, I'm so sorry you have to go through this too.
 
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Leiot

Leiot

Coming back as a cat
Oct 2, 2024
343
I don't think either one will go away for me. The pain killers and the mood swings give me a little break from time to time though.
 
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PhDone

Experienced
Jul 29, 2024
226
Whats interesting for me about the concept of radical acceptance is you still need some way to functionally survive. If you are chronically ill and have no family that can or will house you, have no way to earn, or look after yourself etc etc, how the f are you to sit there in any shape or form?
 
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isolatedl111

isolatedl111

Experienced
Nov 25, 2024
206
I am diagnosed with unsocialized conduct disorder, they said I most likely have ASPD. It's a chronic mental illness, I think I really am beyond repair
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
39,130
I also hate suffering in this existence, I just wish for some peace as well, it's so cruel and horrible to me how there's all this suffering in existing with no limit as to how much one can suffer.
 
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PhDone

Experienced
Jul 29, 2024
226
I also hate suffering in this existence, I just wish for some peace as well, it's so cruel and horrible to me how there's all this suffering in existing with no limit as to how much one can suffer.
Thats right, its not enough to have a big challenge to deal with, you gotta then have more and more thrown on. It seems barbaric tbh.
 
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J

J&L383

Wizard
Jul 18, 2023
640
My therapists have told me from a young age that my depression will never go away, it'll always be a part of me. No professional ever told me that it will or does get better, but that it can. I've had to accept that my mental illness will not go away and will not get better. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to have to come to terms with this on top of everything else. I'm so sorry that you are suffering and that life has decided to play some cruel joke. I hope that you are able to find your peace
It's good that your therapists were realistic. I suppose for some it can nearly go away but that's just not the most likely scenario.
I can feel the pain in your words. I am older than you but also have a physical condition as a result of medical negligence which is worsening with time. I just want to thank you for posting. It made me feel understood.
I am older, also, but totally understand the relationship between medical/physical suffering and how it affects mental health and well-being. Also, arguments could be made for me in terms of medical malfeasance. Which is hard to rectify since everybody (doctors/parents) claims to have been doing the right thing. And so it seems I can only blame myself, or god. (God, you suck!)
 
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ItsyBitsyWeetard

ItsyBitsyWeetard

Member
Jun 1, 2024
68
What the fuck? I was depressed, to various degrees, between the ages of 16 and 24. Every therapist, every doctor, my parents, any youtube video said some variation of "it can get better, it will get better, you won't feel this way forever." Shortly after turning 24 I developed a chronic physical illness, and now all the resources are saying the fucking opposite; "accept that it won't get better, this is your life now, don't try to fight against it." And yet, I'm supposed to somehow find happiness now?? I was depressed for 8 years while being totally physically healthy, I very much doubt that now that I'm in pain almost every hour of the day, that I'll somehow be happy. I fucking hate being alive so much. I will not accept being sick and in pain all the time, I deserve to have peace. And if I can't have it in life, I'm not going to live this bullshit life.
i know what u mean dude i had a similar experience i have a bunch of chronic illnesses and mental illnesses too theres no quality of life its just not worth living anymore
 
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lapislazu

Member
Nov 21, 2024
12
Wow, I resonate with this so much. I'm in your same position except I'm 23, suddenly faced with a debilitating physical condition. Considering we probably have so many other problems that made us depressed, with this piled on, it makes life seem utterly worthless.

Especially at our age, it's incredibly isolating and everything I see reminds me of my injury and makes me feel bitter. For some reason, the mental illness for years was easier to stomach, I guess because it ebbs every so often. But this is constant misery. I hope something changes for the better for us, idk how, but I just wish things were different.
 
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darkenmydoorstep

darkenmydoorstep

Not Waving But Browned Off….
Sep 27, 2023
556
What the fuck? I was depressed, to various degrees, between the ages of 16 and 24. Every therapist, every doctor, my parents, any youtube video said some variation of "it can get better, it will get better, you won't feel this way forever." Shortly after turning 24 I developed a chronic physical illness, and now all the resources are saying the fucking opposite; "accept that it won't get better, this is your life now, don't try to fight against it." And yet, I'm supposed to somehow find happiness now?? I was depressed for 8 years while being totally physically healthy, I very much doubt that now that I'm in pain almost every hour of the day, that I'll somehow be happy. I fucking hate being alive so much. I will not accept being sick and in pain all the time, I deserve to have peace. And if I can't have it in life, I'm not going to live this bullshit life.
Relate
Just one version of the hypocrisy we endure every day.
 

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