Midterms causing increasing suicidal ideation

[ThatStateOfMind]

I feel like it's been forever since I've posted. I took some time away from the site largely, aside from occasional visits and comments. Not because I was happy, but because I just have felt down and didn't have the energy to visit and post.

I know this is probably such a first world problem to have, but college in general, midterms specifically (as of recent) have caused an increase in thoughts of self harm and suicidal ideation. I think I'm totally going to flunk one midterm. I am shitty in the class and haven't done as well as I could, had I paid more attention. I think if I flunk the midterm, that there's also a good chance I'll flunk the class. That'll lead to a snowball effect. I will have to delay my graduation, my gpa will drop, if that drops below a 3, I lose a large portion of financial aid. Less financial aid means possibly can't afford college, and that means dropping out. I'm spiraling tbh.


Idk. If I could have the courage, I would probably just do it right now. My affairs are far from in order, my gf would be lost without me, I haven't written any notes for my loved ones. If I do it, I need to plan first. I just hate feeling this way, trapped, stressed, like I possibly have wasted this much time if I actually do fail and lose financial aid.

I just needed to get this off of my chest. I'll have to study a shit ton tomorrow. I also have work and classes. So much to juggle and the midterm is Tuesday, so I feel extremely cooked. I feel there's not enough I can do tonight + tomorrow to prepare.

 

[otoyikim]

Yeah.

I used to be great, had a 3,31 GPA and now it has fallen to 2,76.

If i could i'd try to get a medical leave.

While i did end up, somehow, finishing the midterms, i remember flunking a third of them because i confused the time when they began.

This year has been traumatising for me on a truly extraordinary scale.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Hang in there. Panic and catastrophizing won't accomplish anything. You just need to pass, not to ace the test. I know there are a lot of computer science students/graduates here that I know you're familiar with so if there is an area you need particular help and no one IRL is available maybe you could ask them for some help.

 

[azo]

I'd just been wondering how you were doing. I'm sorry to hear it's not great. As someone who does their fair share of last-minute work/studying, at this point I think the most important thing is not letting the stress paralyse you. If one thing's certain it's that that won't help. You need to be in damage control mode and that means focusing on the present and what you can do right now (because there is still time) instead of expending energy on what might happen in the future—actively suppressing or pausing those fears for now.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I hope everything went okay.

 

[passivethought121]

Same here. With work and school and everybody being too busy or apathetic to care, who knows if it'll be the semester or ourselves ending in a couple months.

 

[Black_Knight]

I'm feeling this. I'm late on so much stuff. I don't know why I'm like this.

 

[The_screaming_dawn]

I feel like it's been forever since I've posted. I took some time away from the site largely, aside from occasional visits and comments. Not because I was happy, but because I just have felt down and didn't have the energy to visit and post.

I know this is probably such a first world problem to have, but college in general, midterms specifically (as of recent) have caused an increase in thoughts of self harm and suicidal ideation. I think I'm totally going to flunk one midterm. I am shitty in the class and haven't done as well as I could, had I paid more attention. I think if I flunk the midterm, that there's also a good chance I'll flunk the class. That'll lead to a snowball effect. I will have to delay my graduation, my gpa will drop, if that drops below a 3, I lose a large portion of financial aid. Less financial aid means possibly can't afford college, and that means dropping out. I'm spiraling tbh.


Idk. If I could have the courage, I would probably just do it right now. My affairs are far from in order, my gf would be lost without me, I haven't written any notes for my loved ones. If I do it, I need to plan first. I just hate feeling this way, trapped, stressed, like I possibly have wasted this much time if I actually do fail and lose financial aid.

I just needed to get this off of my chest. I'll have to study a shit ton tomorrow. I also have work and classes. So much to juggle and the midterm is Tuesday, so I feel extremely cooked. I feel there's not enough I can do tonight + tomorrow to prepare.

Feeling the same in a way. I've been doing better but alas I am here on the site as Midterms approach so perhaps im not doing as well as I would've liked. I lost my financial aid last semester but it isnt affecting me too badly yet. I wish luck for you on your exams.

 

[kazatte]

me too. i feel so trapped and terrified and i don't know what to do with myself anymore. it was like this last year and i somehow managed to survive, but i'm afraid that i'm going to end up feeling the exact same way and this time i won't. please know that you are not alone right now

 

[Asahina]

Maaaaan I have this one fucking class where the teacher keeps forcing people to talk in groups about random shit irrelevant to me, and often encourages and lets other students interrupt the lecture to go on some other long tangent, all while I'm massively struggling to learn the extrememly important knowlegde I need to survive my increasingly dim future (music business). Fucking torture for an introvert, just let me do homework, put my head down and study.

All this is going on while I haven't seen a single worksheet or practice question that would have actually helped for the midterm, which I was told would be multiple choice, yet had long answer questions tacked on at the end......

On top of that, I need to do a group project on all this material that I barely learned and the partners I was assigned barely attend class... and then I had to give my number to them for communication, I hate giving people I don't know my number, please respect my goddamn boundaries.....

Is an actual, normal class too much to ask for? Is this normal for a business class? My grades are one of the few things I am proud of in life and if THIS is the class that tanks it, I fear for my mental state. Idk if I can drop or audit at this point...

 

[BRAINWORMS]

I'm feeling the same way. Balancing grad school and work should be easy (especially since work is a part-time job), but I just don't have the energy to focus and do well on everything. I shut down and feel like if I can't do well on everything, I might as well not do anything at all. I'm paralyzed with anxiety. It's a vicious cycle. I'm so sorry you're experiencing something similar. We (everyone in this thread) are trying to better our lives and it's really, really hard.