"Might be a personality disorder"

[Felodese]

Being told I might have a personality disorder feels like being told that it's not just that you have a mental illness (depression), it's your whole personality and everything that you are that's fucked up.
Then there's no point in even trying.
You can't fix depression and you sure as fuck can't fix a personality disorder. There's nothing to do.
I wake up every day wishing I didn't, I constantly think about ctb but I can't manage to acctually go through with it.
I can't fucking stand this. I don't know what to do.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Personality disorders are just a method of oppression. They label anyone that they either don't like or don't understand with one, most often women. I firmly believe that they arouse because the understanding of traumatization has historically been practically non-existant and it's still pretty bad. Every, single "symptom" is a psychological defense mechanism that your psyche has developed for a reason. There is no such thing as a disordered personality.

 

[laetitia7]

hi. i don't suffer from a personality disorder, but i'm very very very close to two borderline friends.
sometimes i can't draw a line that separates their personality traits from the disorder symptoms. that is, unfortunately, true.
but after they started therapy (specifically CBT and/or DBT) their symptoms started to vanish.

having a personality disorder isn't about your entire personality being fucked up. is about having a disorder that can mess up with your personality traits. CBT and DBT are ASTONISHING EFFICIENT on trating personality disorder patients (DBT is perfect for borderline). patients can literally get into a remission point that they literally don't fit the diagnostic criteria anymore.

examples of what CBT/DBT can do for you:
you'll learn to recognize dysfunctional thoughts, automatic thoughts, cognitive dysfunctions, ex: "everything or nothing, when you assume two different categories for people and situations", or maybe "i'm worthless" "i'm useless" "there is no solution to my problem" etc

you'll learn emotional regulation methods and alternative answers to these cognitive dysfunctions, like "finding the middle point and identifying the disregarded possibilities"

you'll learn to recognize the categories of each dysfunctional thought, like "mind reading, when you assume what other people think without having any proof that this is true". you'll learn to question these dysfunctional thoughts. you'll learn to take actions about these thoughts.

you'll learn how to prevent these cognitive dysfunctions. kinda like "change your mindset" but not in a coaching way lol that would be terrible. kinda like in a "let's reprogram this rotten parts of the brain", if you know what i mean.

i know that having a diagnosis/possibility like this is difficult. (i, myself got a bipolar diagnosis and was in total denial for 2 years) but it is freeing, in a way, because you can know exactly where the problem is. you know it's not your fault, it's a disorder. a mental disorder. it can be treated just like diabetes or a broken leg. you know exactly the sphere your problem resides. the exactly type of therapy and meds and what needs to be done.

maybe you'll find out that many of the things that happened in your life, some mistakes that were made, interpersonal relationships, social interactions, etc, were just a mental health issue that can be treated and get you in remission.

with all the love in the world, i wish you'll get a rightful diagnosis and can get access to proper treatment with good professionals and be surrounded by loving people that can be an emotional support during your journey.

this is coming from a 21yo girl, who is bipolar type 2, autistic, extremely anxious, that tried CTB once at 11yo, twice at 15yo, that survived to tell the story of her mental health treatment that gone well.

take care!

 

[Felodese]

hi. i don't suffer from a personality disorder, but i'm very very very close to two borderline friends.
sometimes i can't draw a line that separates their personality traits from the disorder symptoms. that is, unfortunately, true.
but after they started therapy (specifically CBT and/or DBT) their symptoms started to vanish.

having a personality disorder isn't about your entire personality being fucked up. is about having a disorder that can mess up with your personality traits. CBT and DBT are ASTONISHING EFFICIENT on trating personality disorder patients (DBT is perfect for borderline). patients can literally get into a remission point that they literally don't fit the diagnostic criteria anymore.

examples of what CBT/DBT can do for you:
you'll learn to recognize dysfunctional thoughts, automatic thoughts, cognitive dysfunctions, ex: "everything or nothing, when you assume two different categories for people and situations", or maybe "i'm worthless" "i'm useless" "there is no solution to my problem" etc

you'll learn emotional regulation methods and alternative answers to these cognitive dysfunctions, like "finding the middle point and identifying the disregarded possibilities"

you'll learn to recognize the categories of each dysfunctional thought, like "mind reading, when you assume what other people think without having any proof that this is true". you'll learn to question these dysfunctional thoughts. you'll learn to take actions about these thoughts.

you'll learn how to prevent these cognitive dysfunctions. kinda like "change your mindset" but not in a coaching way lol that would be terrible. kinda like in a "let's reprogram this rotten parts of the brain", if you know what i mean.

i know that having a diagnosis/possibility like this is difficult. (i, myself got a bipolar diagnosis and was in total denial for 2 years) but it is freeing, in a way, because you can know exactly where the problem is. you know it's not your fault, it's a disorder. a mental disorder. it can be treated just like diabetes or a broken leg. you know exactly the sphere your problem resides. the exactly type of therapy and meds and what needs to be done.

maybe you'll find out that many of the things that happened in your life, some mistakes that were made, interpersonal relationships, social interactions, etc, were just a mental health issue that can be treated and get you in remission.

with all the love in the world, i wish you'll get a rightful diagnosis and can get access to proper treatment with good professionals and be surrounded by loving people that can be an emotional support during your journey.

this is coming from a 21yo girl, who is bipolar type 2, autistic, extremely anxious, that tried CTB once at 11yo, twice at 15yo, that survived to tell the story of her mental health treatment that gone well.

take care!

You're very kind.

I've been going to CBT for the last 10 months and it's only made me worse.
I'm much older than you and have had plenty of time to completely ruin my life and any chance at a future. I'm running out of time.
Seems like for every year I've lived it's just been progressively worse, wearing me down. I have nothing to live for and very little will to live at all.

Personality disorders are just a method of oppression. They label anyone that they either don't like or don't understand with one, most often women. I firmly believe that they arouse because the understanding of traumatization has historically been practically non-existant and it's still pretty bad. Every, single "symptom" is a psychological defense mechanism that your psyche has developed for a reason. There is no such thing as a disordered personality.

When the shrink told me this after finally realizing that perhaps I wasn't just lying when I said CBT wasn't working, it just seemed like his way of saying "it's the patient who's the problem, not my method".

 

[orpheus_]

A "personality disorder" is not an objective idea. More like: a label given to someone to describe how some of your traits are making your life difficult.

You are not objectively broken. No person is, that's what I personally believe. You might have some traits/habits that make your life harder and apparently they have a "scientific" name for this specific set of traits. Because, apparently, some other people have it and it's making their lives harder in similar ways.
People change, and their personalities change, so it's not like you're like this forever. I'm guessing you're not a young kid so it might be a bit harder, but still, possible. As long as you're alive, your brain can change.

Try to find ways to make your life more manageable, I guess. If you do relate to the traits of the said disorder, try to find coping skills (through therapy/internet resources/anything else) that help people similar to you. If they don't work, try to find different ones.

I personally don't have a personality disorder, at least not diagnosed, though one psych I saw once suggested that I might have BPD. I haven't done much about trying to get it diagnosed, because I had come to the conclusion that I didn't relate to most symptoms, and for those which I did - they were a result of untreated depression. But I had a period in my life when (because of that "suggestion") I questioned if I could possibly have BPD, and it drove me into misery because I felt like I was fundamentally broken. The approach I described above helped me calm down, and come to the conclusion that - whether the things going on with me are a "personality disorder", a "mental illness" or "just how I am", the results are still the same. Doesn't matter what label they give me. An issue is an issue. Labels like these are there to find more effective ways to help people (sometimes opress them, too, like one person mentioned above, but it depends).
But I understand if that mindset doesn't help you. Everyone is different and may require different solutions.

Also you mentioned you've been doing CBT for a long time and it hasn't helped you. Maybe try a different therapy approach? Depending on the person and their circumstances, various approaches might work. CBT is just popular because it helps most people but NOT ALL OF THEM. Just because the most popular approach does nothing for you, doesn't mean nothing can be done. Tbh I think CBT is shit for me though I know it helps many people.

I hope I don't sound patronizing, life is hard and I suppose living like this is hell for you. Just putting my thoughts out there so maybe you can find something that will help you among them. Sending hugs, and I hope you can find something that helps you

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

I remember a psych saying exactly that, I asked him was it BPD, he answered, what's in a name? Eventually got diagnosed with EUPD with Borderline and Impulsive traits a decade later.

 

[Felodese]

People change, and their personalities change, so it's not like you're like this forever. I'm guessing you're not a young kid so it might be a bit harder, but still, possible. As long as you're alive, your brain can change.

Everything I read says your personality can't be changed. Seems that, according to psychology, it's cemented between the ages of 3-8 years old. After that, all you can do is try to "cope" with all the crap you're now stuck with, cause acctual change is not possible...
If this is just the way I am, I don't really see how I would be able to change my personality.

Also you mentioned you've been doing CBT for a long time and it hasn't helped you. Maybe try a different therapy approach? Depending on the person and their circumstances, various approaches might work. CBT is just popular because it helps most people but NOT ALL OF THEM. Just because the most popular approach does nothing for you, doesn't mean nothing can be done. Tbh I think CBT is shit for me though I know it helps many people.

Yeah, CBT sucks. I didn't want that type of therapy but it's what I could get. Where I live we have universal health care. That's usually a good thing - especially since I'm broke af - but it also limits my options. At the moment CBT is viewed as the perfect cure for everyone and everything, so that's what's on offer.
If I get diagnosed I might be able to get DBT istead, but who knows...

 

[orpheus_]

Everything I read says your personality can't be changed. Seems that, according to psychology, it's cemented between the ages of 3-8 years old. After that, all you can do is try to "cope" with all the crap you're now stuck with, cause acctual change is not possible...
If this is just the way I am, I don't really see how I would be able to change my personality.


Yeah, CBT sucks. I didn't want that type of therapy but it's what I could get. Where I live we have universal health care. That's usually a good thing - especially since I'm broke af - but it also limits my options. At the moment CBT is viewed as the perfect cure for everyone and everything, so that's what's on offer.
If I get diagnosed I might be able to get DBT istead, but who knows...

Well, for the first thing, I might be not informed enough about it. Sorry I said this. I haven't studied psychology much, so some things I say may not be completely true. One thing I'm sure of, though, is that *some* behaviors can be changed even as an adult. So I guess there is some hope. Not saying that everything's so easy, though.

To this day I still don't get WHY CBT is glorified so much. Like okay, maybe it helps many people. But people with different needs deserve help too. This society annoys me.
I hope you can get a diagnosis and try DBT, maybe that will benefit you at least a bit.

 

[Felodese]

Well, for the first thing, I might be not informed enough about it. Sorry I said this. I haven't studied psychology much, so some things I say may not be completely true. One thing I'm sure of, though, is that *some* behaviors can be changed even as an adult. So I guess there is some hope. Not saying that everything's so easy, though.

To this day I still don't get WHY CBT is glorified so much. Like okay, maybe it helps many people. But people with different needs deserve help too. This society annoys me.
I hope you can get a diagnosis and try DBT, maybe that will benefit you at least a bit.

No worries. You're being kind.
I'm probably a bit too informed at this point. It annoys people working in mental health care and it kills my hope...
But reading up on psychology has at least taught me that CBT is structured in a way that makes it easy to do research on - unlike many other types of therapy. So there's a ton of studies on CBT, which means you can claim it's scientific and evidence based, and that sounds reasuring, cause you can "prove" that it works. That's why people have been so in love with it.
Then again, science can also show that not even half the people who go through CBT acctually improve...