quietpill
I'm bleeding, I'm not just making conversation.
- Nov 27, 2024
- 37
I'm feeling so overwhelmed currently by the emptiness inside me that keeps growing bigger and angrier everyday. If by some miracle of effort and money I don't have I could get better and improve myself, I'd still be trapped in my body. It feels so pointless to even try, especially when I have no friends, family, or dreams to love anymore. I can feel myself dragging the few people making half-hearted and half-forced attempted to "be there" when I know that, in reality and from personal experience, they don't want to hear or go through the difficulty of comforting my hyper-depressed, endless thoughts and ruminations. After all this time, all I have to show for my life is a disappointing lack of monetization and cultivation of the few skills I do have, my quickly fading physical attractiveness that I resent despite fearing the loss of it.
I really feel that it's just too late. I don't want to smile, I don't want to fake it till I make it, I don't want to be seen or touched anymore. Being understood has never been an option, even when I am trying to talk with people here who say they're searching for conversaation, I see them become disappointed and put-off by me regardless of whether I ma trying to be friendly or not. I don't know how I keep getting it wrong over and over again. Nothing ever works or clicks, and nothing ever gets better. It's just me, alone, as always.
I really feel that it's just too late. I don't want to smile, I don't want to fake it till I make it, I don't want to be seen or touched anymore. Being understood has never been an option, even when I am trying to talk with people here who say they're searching for conversaation, I see them become disappointed and put-off by me regardless of whether I ma trying to be friendly or not. I don't know how I keep getting it wrong over and over again. Nothing ever works or clicks, and nothing ever gets better. It's just me, alone, as always.
