Story mom stole my ctb note!!

[lobster salad]

So well another instance of my mom stepping too far happened today. She usually never acknowledges that I'll be gone soon (mid next year) and she pretend nothing is happening ...

but this morning she complained and nagged that she's tired of dealing with 2 burdens, my "old drunk useless dad" and 'young suicidal useless son' and I wondered what was up cos the ctb word usually doesn't get tagged to me often where she's concerned.

Later on I found out that my bag has been opened without my consent and all my receipts in my wallet plus my ctb note which was in there was missing.

Tbh I'm sick !! of this prying shit. I had no guts to go up to her and demand it back because the string of questions from both parents would come. They have demonstrated times in the past that they can't be talked to, they can't understand, they make fun, and that they can't be trusted to listen to my talk. So it was no use to talk to them.

Definitely not the first time she has crossed the line, not the first time such a thing has happened. My mom goes through my pockets, does breath checks (she hates it if I drink or smoke), trims my nails and beard while I'm asleep, looks through my email, my receipt, reads my dms without asking, opens all letters with my name in the letterbox, phone snatching.

Again IM SICK OF THIS SHIT. It's driving me over the edge. She wonders why I'm so secretive and she called me out on it but idk wtf is her issue. She said big people have nothing to hide and I should stop being a wiMp. Actually well I'm sure mr bezos would not like his mom to go through his business mail , WOULDNT HE? Last I checked privacy was a basic human right in this 'developed country'??

It's annoying that my things can go missing at-fucking-home. And the worst thing is she pretends she's not interested. She does this to my dad too and when he complains she lies that she's not interested. Seriously. Cmon.

it gives me anxiety knowing she's read that cringey note and she has it hidden filed somewhere and that bugs me so much that damn bitch.. I am just ; well embarrassed.I feel intruded and invaded by her I've zero privacy I can't even lock the door when I take a shower or choose to remain silent when my body has cuts on it. I do not know if I'll write a new one when I finally go.

Now she's probably sharing the word around behind my back as she always does I can only imagine the worst. Fuck, I need something to help me sit still again. I think of actually killing her nearly everyday.

Stuff like this makes me have close to zero remorse for lying to her , holding words from her, not telling her anything and stealing money from her. And I'll keep on doing them as long as she continues this shit.

I just want this nightmare to be over ive no money or car to gtfo of here unfortunately and I'm just nuts. So I guess I'm gonna kill muself. And ya know what? Maybe I'll murder her first before I go and it'll all happen sooner than I anticipate as of now

 

[czx85]

I'm very sorry for this my friend, but you should seriously consider hiding these items in a safer location...

 

[deadverysoon]

i know this from my childhood. this can really drive you crazy. in my case it wasnt that extreme - but near to it. you will just stop talking about everything.

im sorry you are in such a situation and cant escape... :(

 

[AnotherTragicName]

I feel your difficulties, my mom never understood what boundaries are aswell. She also found out about my suicidility through reading my diary.

Still, I hope you find some understanding for her situation aswell. It seems like she lives with 2 guys you are not necessarily making her life plesent, she is hurt, just as you are.
Im not guilting you, just saying that most humans have it difficult and many develop psycho behaviour due to that.
Maybe the whole situation can relax at least a little when you do something for her, that she would like. Nothing big, just a tiny gesture here and there.
In the end, you would profit when everybody can relax a bit... So one could say you would basically do something good for yourself.

I forgave my parents in the meantime and I'm very grateful for what they did for me. Eventhough i hate my life, they gave me some opportunities and I know they want the best for me. Nothing in this world is for granted, many people have to live of the streets or of wellfare.

 

[Auto Immunity After]

so you had me at "she comes in my room in the night and trims my nails and beard........lol...that's nuts but its funny....

So you need to get through to her that her behavior is not acceptable even though you are living in the family home. You said you cant talk to her, she dismisses you. So try this. Write a letter to her about how you feel, tell her what you just said in your post.(except the killing her part) Once you have done that, crinkle the paper up in a ball so it looks like its an older note.........then fold it, put it in your wallet and leave your wallet on your dresser. I am fairly certain she will get your message loud and clear really soon......Good Luck.

 

[Neowise]

Not meaning to be insulting, but it sounds like your mother is a narcissistic bitch. Mine is, she is the reason I am on this forum. And her toxic behaviour is the reason I don't feel remorse either when lying to her, even though I am usually an honest person. It's just that if I tell her everything, she uses that against me sooner or later. Lying or holding words from her is a way to protect myself from even more abuse.

Stuff like this makes me have close to zero remorse for lying to her , holding words from her, not telling her anything and stealing money from her. And I'll keep on doing them as long as she continues this shit.

I can 100% relate except that I never stole money, but I understand you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are in this situation, it sounds like a nightmare. I understand it must really awful to have no privacy. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Pluto]

My mother was a bit like that, though not as extreme. Your post brought back horrible memories. I felt like an animal in a zoo for her curiosity, as if the pathological invasions of privacy compensated for a total lack of human closeness.

I was also brainwashed into thinking I was incapable of escaping. I felt like only other people were able to get jobs and pay rent. This was my parents' biggest crime. I was stuck in that ultra-toxic situation for years. I've struggled to socialise or to trust anybody ever since.

CTB is a last resort, but I am advising you very strongly to get the fuck out of there any way you can.

 

[lobster salad]

Maybe my mom is doing this because she loves me and she thinks this is the way she's helping but she won't understand that it's not even If I tried to tell her.

She always says she would have to trim my nails or my beard or force the breakfast I hate onto me every morning if I did it myself.

Oh and well, I'm sure she already knows who is the member lobster salad on sanctioned suicide, cos she read part of my conversation in one of her phone-snatching moments. So fuck that!!! I cannot do anything I gues it's unsafe to do anything that requires privacy at home . And it really sucks. I don't look forward to living alone for other reasons . But I can't live with her. I cannot do anything

It seems like she lives with 2 guys you are not necessarily making her life plesent, she is hurt, just as you are.
Im not guilting you, just saying that most humans have it difficult and many develop psycho behaviour due to that.
Maybe the whole situation can relax at least a little when you do something for her, that she would like. Nothing big, just a tiny gesture here and there.
In the end, you would profit when everybody can relax a bit... So one could say you would basically do something good for yourself.

I think yeah she is probably hurt in some way. I know she had a very difficult childhood and difficult parents. And she cried recently that I'm less capable than my sister and my brother. She wants me to stop being lazy and do the things she likes and she wants.. she was hardly supportive of the things I like unless she has interest in them too or can use them to brag about me to other moms.

now that I'm in the worst school with the worst grades and have the worst attitude to everything and a rotten personality, she wants to turn that around but I don't. Because I don't see a point and I just want to have a more bearable time before I go. But like with many normal people they wouldn't accept that opt since ctb is not and never will be an option to them.

:'|

 

[nofutureghost]

my mom found my suicide note, stole it and just ignored (and I'm kind thankful she just pretend that it never happened) but I swear, she look every single place of my bedroom when I'm not around trying to find something to argue or to talk to my brother about how useless n dramatic I am. It's a hell, I'm 19yo but she treats me like a 12yo.

 

[AnotherTragicName]

I think yeah she is probably hurt in some way. I know she had a very difficult childhood and difficult parents. And she cried recently that I'm less capable than my sister and my brother. She wants me to stop being lazy and do the things she likes and she wants.. she was hardly supportive of the things I like unless she has interest in them too or can use them to brag about me to other moms.

now that I'm in the worst school with the worst grades and have the worst attitude to everything and a rotten personality, she wants to turn that around but I don't. Because I don't see a point and I just want to have a more bearable time before I go. But like with many normal people they wouldn't accept that opt since ctb is not and never will be an option to them.

:'|

The past being the past, meaning her childhood. But the present is what is reality for everyone. Imagine having a son, and even if you are fucked up, you give him your time and energy and he's a seed that doesn't grow into a blooming flower. Probably all you do is hope, that some magical switch in his head turns and he takes responsibility. You are powerless. Because your happiness relies a lot on him.

I am just the same as you, in that sense. But I feel really sorry for my mother. We, the 3 sons, are her everything. She already lost a daughter due to alcoholism, it was heartbreaking to watch her suffer so hard. Sometimes I can see here in my mind, going onto her knees, begging that I turn my life around. I could cry writing these lines, since I know I just wait for the day I finally die. Hoping chatting with people on SS, listening to podcasts on death and suicide and stuff will bring me further to the edge.

So I get you. You want to make your last days acceptable. Same for me. But when you behave in a way that pisses your mother off, how is that accepable, since you have to live with her? With her anger, frustration? When you help her, you will help yourself, I'm convinced of that.
Also, remember... she will have to stay when you are gone... creating some good memories for her, is maybe something you can do for her...

But maybe it's easy for me to write these lines. Eventhough my mother is bad with privacy, she doesn't seem as extreme as yours. Also I don't have any duties in the moment, not working not studying nothing atm. Only duty is tidy up my room and don't sleep till 12... Lol... Guess I'm still fortunate in some sense....

 

[summers]

Tldr thread. Just going to say, this is why you schedule send an email or text. It's the 21st century people...

Sti gives you the option of canceling if you change your mind.