Venting Money and family vent

[struggles_inc]

I searched a lot, but didn't find anything that could match my current situation. I wonder if anyone can relate.

I come from a moderately wealthy family. My family sponsored my education and a lot of other stuff. I never behaved entitled to that money, at least I hope so, and was grateful.

However, during my teenage days my mom said something that is still slowly killing me from within. During a very heated argument she said that all of my achievements are bogus because my family had it all arranged and/or paid for. My degree? Paid. I didn't get a scholarship or anything. Me knowing 5+ languages? Paid. I had private tutors since middle school. My hobbies? Paid, paid, paid.

Wherever I look, I see my family's money in the fundament. My mom's words haunt me years after she said that. I think that ruined my self esteem completely.

I really didn't do anything from scratch. Nothing by myself. And that made me a demotivated mess I am. Honestly, I'm so close to becoming a loser addict. I finally understand all those celebrity kids now, even though my family isn't extremely affluent.

I tried to get this idea out of my head, but it keeps coming back. Talking didn't help. I tried to approach my mother with this topic, but she only told me that she said no such thing. I'm not schizophrenic though, I remember hearing that.

 

[voir2]

Surely you are not alone in this kind of situation.
How are you a loser addict ?

 

[struggles_inc]

Surely you are not alone in this kind of situation.
How are you a loser addict ?

Yeah, I hope so, I just didn't see people talk about it much. So I hope anyone here has the same experience and can share that.

I've been drinking for over a year or so, maybe year and a half. For the past couple of months I've been thinking of switching to drugs. Alcohol doesn't do it for me anymore, I'm still sad even when I'm very drunk.

 

[daleke]

i think i understand. also come from a family that's probably in the top 5-10% of wealth. if i think too hard about my own accomplishments, what was really holding them up was mostly my environment. wasn't just money, either - going to the best schools, not having to work a part-time job (leaving more time for school and extracurriculars), having educated and involved parents who gave me good advice on managing my life and career.

there are people who would have wasted the opportunities that were given to us, so a little credit is owed there. and... we may not be the most talented people or the most worthy of all that privileges we've been given, but i like to think that even wealthy people have to put in the effort to be a decent and kind person. i respect that in anyone no matter how much social and monetary support they have.

 

[struggles_inc]

i think i understand. also come from a family that's probably in the top 5-10% of wealth. if i think too hard about my own accomplishments, what was really holding them up was mostly my environment. wasn't just money, either - going to the best schools, not having to work a part-time job (leaving more time for school and extracurriculars), having educated and involved parents who gave me good advice on managing my life and career.

there are people who would have wasted the opportunities that were given to us, so a little credit is owed there. and... we may not be the most talented people or the most worthy of all that privileges we've been given, but i like to think that even wealthy people have to put in the effort to be a decent and kind person. i respect that in anyone no matter how much social and monetary support they have.

That seems true, but doesn't feel like it for some reason. I'm not even sure I haven't blown my opportunities yet. Back then my mom said these words, we were arguing over my life's choices.

Maybe I'm just not fit for this kind of environment/society. I've always kind of wanted to just run away, after all. Today I dismiss these thoughts and consider them typical teenage moments, but still.

 

[danfritz]

Let me ask a few questions- When you were a child, did your parents actually demonstrate love to you or did they just shower you with money/ensure that your physical needs were met? Money is a piss-poor substitute for love.

My parents were fairly well off, not rich, but comfortable. I never wanted for food, shelter, clothes, etc but I never heard my mom say that she loved me until I was 59 and visiting her in a nursing home. I've never heard my dad say that he loves me although I take care of him while mom is in the nursing home.

I'm not sure where I'm going with that but have a feeling that money being a substitute for love when you were a child may be part of what you are experiencing now.

 

[voir2]

That seems true, but doesn't feel like it for some reason. I'm not even sure I haven't blown my opportunities yet. Back then my mom said these words, we were arguing over my life's choices.

Maybe I'm just not fit for this kind of environment/society. I've always kind of wanted to just run away, after all. Today I dismiss these thoughts and consider them typical teenage moments, but still.

What are your life's choices that she worries about ?

 

[struggles_inc]

What are your life's choices that she worries about ?

I tried to come out that day. It backfired.

I'm not sure where I'm going with that but have a feeling that money being a substitute for love when you were a child may be part of what you are experiencing now.

That's a very hard question. My mother was a bit distant. As she said, she was waiting for me to grow up so that I wouldn't be boring. I had nannies throughout my childhood. However, we did spend time together, so I can't say with confidence that she was never there for me. We're still kind of close, at least a little. Maybe less than an average family, but still.

 

[voir2]

I tried to come out that day. It backfired.

Please do not get into a self destructive pattern because of that. I guess you are still very young. Western world is better than ever for non heterosexual people. And that should be even easier with your background. You do not have to ruin your life to take a revenge over your mean parents.

 

[struggles_inc]

Please do not get into a self destructive pattern because of that. I guess you are still very young. Western world is better than ever for non heterosexual people. And that should be even easier with your background. You do not have to ruin your life to take a revenge over your mean parents.

Oh, no, I don't intend to take revenge at my family. Didn't even think about that. I'm not mad at my mom for saying what she said. The words upset me, but I didn't hate her for that at all. I have other reasons to be depressed, but I didn't discuss it because it doesn't matter in this thread.

 

[voir2]

Oh, no, I don't intend to take revenge at my family. Didn't even think about that. I'm not mad at my mom for saying what she said. The words upset me, but I didn't hate her for that at all. I have other reasons to be depressed, but I didn't discuss it because it doesn't matter in this thread.

What are your other reasons to be depressed ?

 

[struggles_inc]

What are your other reasons to be depressed ?

War instigated by my home country, because of which I haven't seen my family in 2 years;
SA;
Dead family members and one friend;
Bullying that I haven't quite recovered from yet;
Betrayal from my closest person;
Stress from living alone in a foreign world;
Stress from expectations of others;
And the usual. Self-esteem, anger issues.

Something like that, in a nutshell.

 

[voir2]

War instigated by my home country, because of which I haven't seen my family in 2 years;
SA;
Dead family members and one friend;
Bullying that I haven't quite recovered from yet;
Betrayal from my closest person;
Stress from living alone in a foreign world;
Stress from expectations of others;
And the usual. Self-esteem, anger issues.

Something like that, in a nutshell.

Are you russian ? As a lgbt person a foreign world would feel better for you :)
I guess you do not have to worry about money. Take into account that your life is much easier than the majority of people. You are lucky to have your background.

 

[struggles_inc]

Are you russian ? As a lgbt person a foreign world would feel better for you :)
I guess you do not have to worry about money. Take into account that your life is much easier than the majority of people. You are lucky to have your background.

Yeah, I am.
Thanks. Yeah, it's way better here in Europe in terms of acceptance. Though it was never my primary concern, because I'm used to hiding stuff like that. Anyway, it's very refreshing. And thank you very much for your support.