Venting mother wants to replace me lol...

[SoulWhisperer]

Aight so, after surviving (thanks to the emotional support of ppl and sm1 here except my parents ofc) the skin infection where I thought I'd die about 1 month ago...
My parents randomly decided to come up to my room a day to tell me my mother was pregnant again. Now hear me out. We are BROKE as FUCK and struggle to get FOOD (As in, when I open my fridge there's a chance there's genuinely nothing to eat) and we are a FAMILY of FIVE RN. My parents plus me and my 2 brothers. Now they want ANOTHER kid??? (Mind you, my mother was pregnant a total of 5 times now, holy shit that woman is crazy)

How the genuine FUCK are they planning of raising a 4 years old kid along with a NEWBORN? They are not okay, istg this HAS to be a mistake, because if they genuinely planned it then there's only one theory I have in mind: they just want to get rid of me
Now, it may sound crazy but it makes sense since I'm an adult now, meant to work and allat (I'm still in HS for 2 years), so they decided to have another kid??
It's no wonder our relationship is fucked since they abuse me so in the back of my mind I thought they wanted a new child because they know I'd be gone sooner or later, more sooner than later atp.

It's not up to me what my brothers will do, if they'll support our parents or abandon them as soon as they can (My 15 y/o brother jokingly said that once my mother gives birth he's leaving since they delegate the task of raising a child to him) but I swear I am losing my mind.

Last week or so, I can't remember I said I would try to not CTB, now to not have an internal breakdown about it (Since I struggle to set goals and mantain them) I decided to just not think about/not care but the urge to do it is increasingly higher each day. I get the urge to slit my throat, to jump, to cut my arms to death (I know it's not feasible) and whatnot due to them.

I try something to improve? IT FUCKING FAILS, AS ALWAYS. guess what actually, I'll make it poetic and make it my signature for SaSu later...

So, anyways, I forgot why I was even writing this, I just had to write down my feelings I suppose. Gender dysphoria has been killing me, everything has been killing me, I envision misery in my future, I'm tired people, I'm tired... And I keep repeating myself like a broken record, I know it gets tiring (Esp if you're someone that knows me/has read my other posts).

Just out of pure curiosity, what would you guys do in my stead?

 

[mattoman]

Has you and your brothers had food to eat? Parents have paid all necessary bills, such as electricity, water, heat etc? If not and they keep bringing in babies, notify the child protective services. I'm not trying to turn you against your parents, but it's their job to take care of you and your brothers and the baby that will be born. If your brother is 15 (being underaged, that is) it's definitely their job to take care of them and not to neglect him once the child is born. Does your parents have job or some other reliable source of income? You mentioned that you're an adult, is there a possibility that you could move to be on your own? If your parents really love you, they'll support you. I'm 27 years old and work full time and graduated from college and I'm still lost in life and have no control in it, it seems to be, but my parents still helps me if I'm really in a bad position. You'll get through it, I believe in it .

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Has you and your brothers had food to eat? Parents have paid all necessary bills, such as electricity, water, heat etc? If not and they keep bringing in babies, notify the child protective services. I'm not trying to turn you against your parents, but it's their job to take care of you and your brothers and the baby that will be born. If your brother is 15 (being underaged, that is) it's definitely their job to take care of them and not to neglect him once the child is born. Does your parents have job or some other reliable source of income? You mentioned that you're an adult, is there a possibility that you could move to be on your own? If your parents really love you, they'll support you. I'm 27 years old and work full time and graduated from college and I'm still lost in life and have no control in it, it seems to be, but my parents still helps me if I'm really in a bad position. You'll get through it, I believe in it .

The 4 years old one has all, bills so far were paid I assume since I didn't notice any service cut, I am the one that needs to play treasure hunt for food. My mother constantly talks to social services to get them on her side and gain money/bouses and shit. My father is a supervisor in a warehouse since as long as I can remember and my mother has 2 illegal jobs. Also no, my parents publicly despise me (They call me slurs, they openly showed that my concerns are mine to deal with and whenever I need help they vanish, but when THEY need help I'm forced to help them or consequences), I hate them with a burning passion more than any other thing in this world and wish to be able to never see them again if I could.

Lastly, I'm incapable of doing anything on my own, I'm too scared of everything and whatever I try ends up failing. That's how my personality has always been.

 

[mattoman]

The 4 years old one has all, bills so far were paid I assume since I didn't notice any service cut, I am the one that needs to play treasure hunt for food. My mother constantly talks to social services to get them on her side and gain money/bouses and shit. My father is a supervisor in a warehouse since as long as I can remember and my mother has 2 illegal jobs. Also no, my parents publicly despise me (They call me slurs, they openly showed that my concerns are mine to deal with and whenever I need help they vanish, but when THEY need help I'm forced to help them or consequences), I hate them with a burning passion more than any other thing in this world and wish to be able to never see them again if I could.

Lastly, I'm incapable of doing anything on my own, I'm too scared of everything and whatever I try ends up failing. That's how my personality has always been.

If you don't mind me asking that what country are you from? Does your country/city have any services that could help you move out or give you financial benefits? I get what you mean by what you said in the last sentence, but honestly it just takes just a bit of courage. Doing anything on your own is scary, I know the feeling, but if you feel uncomfortable being at your parents' place, I think it should be better to move to your own. It can be scary at first but it's better than living in uncertainty at your parents. It can be hard if you care about your brothers and their wellbeing, but it will be the first step.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I live in Italy and don't know any institution that would help for such a thing here, the closest thing are the social services but they 100% won't apply to me anymore, to move out I need a stable income and I have 0 working experience plus I'm still in school (Got no diploma in the slightest).

 

[mattoman]

INPS won't help you? Are there any church case workers that could help? I wish you the best for everything, I can't really do anything else from this far apart.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I'm sorry what I'm about to say isn't helpful and I'm not recommending you do this: If I were in your shoes, I would probably walk out the front door without a plan and just keep walking and never come back.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

INPS won't help you? Are there any church case workers that could help? I wish you the best for everything, I can't really do anything else from this far apart.

INPS is for retirement payouts basically

I'm sorry what I'm about to say isn't helpful and I'm not recommending you do this: If I were in your shoes, I would probably walk out the front door without a plan and just keep walking and never come back.

I've thought about just fleeing but with just 400 bucks going missing would probably just get me wanted by police

 

[finallydone]

your mom is crazy for having 5 children ? mine had 13, how does that make you feel ?