Life_and_Death
Do what's best for you 🕯️ I'm............
- Jul 1, 2020
- 7,031
This isn't enjoyable. I ALWAYS cry. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of everything revolving around my bpd.
I was watching unicorn store on Netflix and at the end there was a sad/happy type scene and of course I cried. While I can't say for sure as I typically watch movies alone but I'm fairly confident I cry more than most, which would make watching anything with others embarrassing if I'm crying all the time. I mean sure they'd understand and wouldn't judge me for it but it's still... I'd just rather not. It's not like I can control it though, Nope, zero choice there.
I could talk about literally every second of my day and how my bpd is effecting it.
(personal rant) and my f'en ex-SO wants me to "just be ok" fuck him. If it were that fucking easy I wouldn't own 2 ropes, I'd just fucking fix it. Must be nice to be able to just fucking ditch shit when you feel like. Sure fucking wish I could. (there I go, being intense again.... I'm so sick of me)
He's not going to, he's going on about his life like shit all happened I'm sure because that's what he does, but if he were to read that he'd probably think I hate him. And I do, I'm fucking pissed... But I can't get him out of my head. Like dude you can't even give me closure.... You just up and left with nothing..... You could have at least told me to fuck off...
If he knows me.... Through my disorders I was "just suppose to know" he loved me, dude I've had 4 parents ditch me, idk what love is sorry I had to check.. He can play the fucking "if you know me" game now. If I do decide to talk to him again and if he does message me he can figure out on his own how pissed I am. If he leaves again then fuck him for begin hypocritical, cuz yeah, I'm just gonna act all lovey and I miss you after you fucking hurt me. No! (I blacked out so sorry if this paragraph doesn't make 100% sense, it made enough that I didn't feel like trying to wrap my brain around changing it).
This wasn't suppose to turn into a rant about him......i want him erased... I want to die...
Back to the movies thing....
I can't even watch a pg13 movie. Thank you cptsd just fucking thank you.
My life is useless
I was watching unicorn store on Netflix and at the end there was a sad/happy type scene and of course I cried. While I can't say for sure as I typically watch movies alone but I'm fairly confident I cry more than most, which would make watching anything with others embarrassing if I'm crying all the time. I mean sure they'd understand and wouldn't judge me for it but it's still... I'd just rather not. It's not like I can control it though, Nope, zero choice there.
I could talk about literally every second of my day and how my bpd is effecting it.
(personal rant) and my f'en ex-SO wants me to "just be ok" fuck him. If it were that fucking easy I wouldn't own 2 ropes, I'd just fucking fix it. Must be nice to be able to just fucking ditch shit when you feel like. Sure fucking wish I could. (there I go, being intense again.... I'm so sick of me)
He's not going to, he's going on about his life like shit all happened I'm sure because that's what he does, but if he were to read that he'd probably think I hate him. And I do, I'm fucking pissed... But I can't get him out of my head. Like dude you can't even give me closure.... You just up and left with nothing..... You could have at least told me to fuck off...
If he knows me.... Through my disorders I was "just suppose to know" he loved me, dude I've had 4 parents ditch me, idk what love is sorry I had to check.. He can play the fucking "if you know me" game now. If I do decide to talk to him again and if he does message me he can figure out on his own how pissed I am. If he leaves again then fuck him for begin hypocritical, cuz yeah, I'm just gonna act all lovey and I miss you after you fucking hurt me. No! (I blacked out so sorry if this paragraph doesn't make 100% sense, it made enough that I didn't feel like trying to wrap my brain around changing it).
This wasn't suppose to turn into a rant about him......i want him erased... I want to die...
Back to the movies thing....
I can't even watch a pg13 movie. Thank you cptsd just fucking thank you.
My life is useless
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