Story My battle with suicidality/nihilism

[leo1477]

I was born fucked in the head. I was born with Tourettes, narcolepsy, and dspd. No intelligence impairments just seizures and cataplexy attacks. Growing up I always paid attention to patterns, my mother was bipolar and incredibly abusive. I noticed her patterns of mania and depression and planned my life accordingly. Staying at home while she was manic and running away when she was depressive. I was what you called a troubled teen. The school did nothing, law enforcement did nothing, nobody did anything. So from a very young age (11 years and older), I knew to know one truly cared about me, the universe didn't give a shit about me. Everyone pats themselves on the back because they abuse the people that are suffering for some reason I still cannot fathom today. I never made suicidal gestures, never cut myself, and always used proxies while online. I have crafted the perfect external image so no one knows what lies beneath. I have done this because I have witnessed the cycle of abuse that happens to people who are suffering. now I'm in my early 20s, and have been practicing herbalism from a young age. I have dozens of plants that will cause death, I just have to select the best one or a combination of multiple plants. I am nearly ready to let go, I just have a few more things to do before I leave it all behind. The best part is no one will ever know.

 

[therhydler]

Hey, I'm really sorry for your suffering. I hope you have a peaceful end

 

[leo1477]

Hey, I'm really sorry for your suffering. I hope you have a peaceful end

I believe I will, the method I use to end my suffering may not be approved by many, but at least it will be effective.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

I also had a horrendous childhood with lots of abuse and trauma so I can relate to this. I wish you good luck with whatever you do.

 

[TAW122]

I'm really sorry to hear about your childhood and life, I do hope the plants that you are cultivating will help you successfully and comfortably ctb. I'm no botanist so I don't know if they will counteract against each other, so all I can say is make sure the combination of plants work and not leave you with a lot of discomfort while ctb'ing.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

The intelligence expressed on here is just vastly superior to what you find in the real world.

The stuff about being abused if you don't put on a normal act. That is bullseye right there. I could write a damn book about it. Your standing in society isn't about how smart you are, how hard you work, etc. It's about how close you are to being normal. If you work harder and smarter, you get severely punished.