Story My boyfriend broke up with me

[itistimetoleave]

I am so hurt and numb right now. My boyfriend broke up with me becoz of my depression. He went home for holidays and came back as a totally different person. His mom convinced him that I am toxic, manipulative and unhealthy for him. She even told him to block my number. How could she do this? And my boyfriend decided to breakup out of nowhere. Few days ago this guy said, 'I will keep breathing for you' and now he never wants to see him again. How could he do this? How do I cope with this pain?

 

[Azzy69]

so sorry. here if you need to vent

 

[forever21]

I am so sorry that this happened to you. His mother sounds like a manipulative bitch.

 

[itistimetoleave]

I am in so much pain. He just said I love you and please don't die and left.

 

[Final Escape]

Whatever u do don't try to contact him, it will further push him away. If u want him to come back, u have to go silent. You're gonna be tempted to make contact really bad but u cannot. I was reading a book about how to deal with breakup and so u keep your dignity in tact and not make a fool out of yourself lol! The book is called ignore the guy get the guy. It has some good info on how to handle this and how to get his interest back if u want that. It was helpful for me because I didn't really understand that men think so differently or, I just chose to ignore that reality. I tried some of the stuff in the book and it worked. This guy that stopped seeing me and thought I scared him away did start coming back around when I used the info on what not to do or to do. Good luck :) u will get through this.

 

[itistimetoleave]

Yeah I am not going to contact him. I already deleted everything off social media and stuff. I deleted his number so I can't contact him even if I want to. I don't know if I would take him back but I want him to realize his mistake.

 

[Lightyear]

Just know hun, you don't miss him, rather the connection you had with him, if someone wants to leave they have taken into account that they won't see you ever again, and so you have to. You need to find other people you trust for company and to help lessen the pain. Just know that he did you a favour by leaving. Allow yourself to grieve and do stuff to keep your mind away. Good luck!

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Sorry but he's an ass, any grown boy still controlled by his mother is a ass. Sounds like you are better off without him, some may say wait and he may come back, but whats going to make him run at the next slightest thing that his mother thinks is unsuitable?
Grrr this is when people annoy me!

 

[BPD_LE]

Sorry but he's an ass, any grown boy still controlled by his mother is a ass. Sounds like you are better off without him, some may say wait and he may come back, but whats going to make him run at the next slightest thing that his mother thinks is unsuitable?
Grrr this is when people annoy me!

Agreed. If he walked away so easily he doesn't deserve you. Concentrate on yourself @itistimetoleave You're worth more than being treated like that. I know it hurts like hell, but you'll get through. You deserve someone who appreciates you for you.

 

[Moonicide]

I'm so sorry, love. I'm currently in a rocky relationship of almost 3 years and what's impacting it is my mental health. He's come around and is aware of how severely mentally ill I am and has told me he is worried about our future due to it. We also deal with cultural differences that put a strain on our relationship as well. His mother? She doesn't even know I exist. I haven't met her. And if she did meet me she would not like me at all, because I have nothing to offer her son. Career / financially wise. It hurts me deeply, and in many ways I can relate to you and your situation... My heart goes out to you. That is so fucked up, and honestly... I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a man that is still controlled by his mother.

 

[Francois]

I am sorry to hear.
My GF break off last month because she could not convert me to Christianity. After 5 years she just dumped me.
In my opinion you just dodged a bullet, imagine being married to him and having kids and then breaking up.

 

[nosirens]

I'm sorry to hear this. I've been broken up with being told I was "too damaged to love". after all these years I can replay that moment in my head. it doesn't hurt anymore bc in a way time does heal I just wish he still saw me as the girl he once was in love with. not bc I want to be with him but bc that's the way I want him to remember me. if it's meant to be with you and your s/o you'll find your way back, be kind to yourself rn cry if you need to, give it time.

 

[Santiago]

I am going to be the devil's advocate here. Nobody here knows the whole story. You are hearing one side.

Maybe it was actually the right decision of him. Maybe it wasn't. I don't know.

I don't see no reason to start calling the man names if you don't know his actual reasoning.

 

[NeverWazBlu]

Oh I'm so sorry honey... I'm going through my own similar thing, not exactly but similar, and I'm in the greatest pain of my life right now, so I can say that I relate to it. Although, nosirens to what you said about "too damaged to love"?- That's what my love said about themselves as to why they can't love me properly or at all, and at the same time asked me to never leave them (they want this of everyone they meet that they feel were genuinely kind to them bc of abandonment issues), and now I'm just some distant, distant 'friend' that watches by while they hurt me doing things against my trauma that they know bc they don't want to help their impulses... I wasn't enough... And I gave it my entire soul, (I still am bc of difficult circumstances I guess), & they just cut me out one day, abdicating me to nothing special anymore, (all bc I requested going slower w/something bc of my trauma) and now I'm on the outs on purpose by him of everything... I'm caught in the middle of a very complicated (and the biggest pain of my entire life) matter of the heart, so dearest itistimetoleave, I know rotten emotions by being left behind by a loved one. And all of a sudden. You are not alone. I know it hurts. So, so bad. And you may even be replaying the happy times in your head, or ones you so thought they were, and now you find out they weren't so solid as you thought.. If not, if you're out of that circle and cycle of thought, that is an amazing thing bc that one can really hurt you. One consolation I can say is at least you can X him out of your life so you don't have to be a captured witness to him whilst all this is happening. You can focus on yourself and regroup for yourself. At least you have support here, and if you'd ever like to vent, always feel free to chat me up. But, please please be kind to yourself through your process of digesting this. Not only do you have to digest this emotionally, but logically as well- and those are very tender processes to do right now. And I hope talking about it helps- if you need to talk about it more, keep talking about it too. If you want to look at hobbies or things to do for yourself and enrich yourself, try finding some fun and/or meaningful things to do for yourself like that too. Maybe a class, maybe macrame, maybe drawing, poetry, volunteering something to be around people, all just thoughts, but make sure you're there for yourself and trying to nurture yourself right now. Sending big hugs your way, luv. I hope your heart heals in a good amount of time, and remember he doesn't dictate who you are. Hug~

 

[Canon1]

Hi, i am in the same situation. My girlfriend left because I lied to her and betrayed her. She was my great love and now i am alone. This is the reason i want to end my life.

 

[Francois]

Society pigeon hole you in the mindset that you need a pair bond necessary for your mental well being. Then after a few years you realize that is totally rubbish. You can be happy and lead a fulfilling life without being in a pair bond.

 

[Canon1]

That might be true but it doesn't work in my case.

 

[MissNietzsche]

I'm so sorry..my ex did almost the exact same thing 4.5 months ago (pretty much everything but the mother thing)..

If I was depressed then, I'm like a black void now. Even though I had suicidal thoughts while I was with him, it got so much worse after he left. I'm actually attaining my methods now...I really hope the same thing doesn't happen to you

 

[Canon1]

I'm so sorry..my ex did almost the exact same thing 4.5 months ago..

If I was depressed then, I'm like a black void now. Even though I had suicidal thoughts while I was with him, it got so much worse after he left. I'm actually attaining my methods now...I really hope the same thing doesn't happen to you

Where are you from

 

[MissNietzsche]

Where are you from

Southern California, why?

 

[Canon1]

Just asking because you have a German user name.

 

[MissNietzsche]

Just asking because you have a German user name.

Well, I mean, he's a super famous philosopher hahah

 

[Francois]

That might be true but it doesn't work in my case.

How do you view the bond between two people.
Like, how many partners would stick with a person that just become disabled or lost his job.
How common do you think such relationships are and is it a good idea to get all your self worth and life enjoyment only if you are in a relationship?

 

[MissNietzsche]

How do you view the bond between two people.
Like, how many partners would stick with a person that just become disabled or lost his job.
How common do you think such relationships are and is it a good idea to get all your self worth and life enjoyment only if you are in a relationship?

It's not common, but those seem like the only relationships that are real/worth it..

 

[Canon1]

How do you view the bond between two people.
Like, how many partners would stick with a person that just become disabled or lost his job.
How common do you think such relationships are and is it a good idea to get all your self worth and life enjoyment only if you are in a relationship?

You are right but i love her and this hurts. I don't want to live without her because she was everything I had, the reason of my existence and now I feel like a broken person. Moreover we aborted our child and i feel guilty for that.

 

[MissNietzsche]

You are right but i love her and this hurts. I don't want to live without her because she was everything I had, the reason of my existence and now I feel like a broken person. Moreover we aborted our child and i feel guilty for that.

Didn't you cheat on her?

 

[Canon1]

I was on drugs and didn't really understand what I was doing. After that i told it to her and wanted to have a good conscience but it turned out to be the greatest mistake ever. I shouldn't have told her

 

[MissNietzsche]

I was on drugs and didn't really understand what I was doing. After that i told it to her and wanted to have a good conscience but it turned out to be the greatest mistake ever. I shouldn't have told her

No, she deserves to not be lied to. You shouldn't have cheated.

 

[Canon1]

Yeah that's right. In that very moment i didn't realize that.

 

[MelancholyPie]

Lying is never ok in any relationship, but there's some truth to what Francois says. This idea that we must love one person this person must provide all the affection we need, and that there is a "right" person who will fulfill this role for us out there, is fabricated. We are the ones who make relationships work with honest communication and consideration for each other's feelings.

That's of course very easy for me to say, but one thing I am sure of is that all of you deserve wonderful and fulfilling relationships.