NSFW my boyfriend is perfect. i want to break up with him and start an only fans.

[ender boy]

i'm a trans guy, and so is my boyfriend.
he's masculine, kind, caring, he treats me really well and helps me and supports me. I was in love with him for a long while, we are dating and it was nice.
unfortunately we are both subby bottoms. and i really really want a dominant cis man instead of him. and i feel so selfish for that. i know its just my sexuality and attraction and needs, and i should look for whatever fulfills them. but i feel so guilty that i want to break up with such a perfect man.

this is where the only fans thing ties in. i know i will never find a dominant man i want, somebody who would like to be with a femboy like me, treat me well but be rough when i want him to be. i've accepted that i will never find a man like that. so i just want to start doing only fans and get enjoyment out of that, to feel wanted and to feel like my body is worth something.

am i an awful human trash for this? i feel like i absolutely am. i cant sleep, i am a mess, i just want to be dominated and taken care of and wanted.

 

[John_Galt]

Have you talked to your significant other about your wishes, maybe it's possible to see that he can accommodate them? Also onlyfans - Why would you want strangers validation and potentially lusting when already in possesion of true love close to you, It seems unfair but maybe I don't know your personal reasons/story

 

[GoSan1]

I can understand your situation, while I'm not transgender, nor am I interested in men (so a straight male), I do kinda feel the same with women. But I know id never find one that's gently dominant without all that other shit that's being combined in being subs... (I think you know what I mean).

But enough about that and to the main point, sexual satisfaction while important should not be all. Yes, you feel pleasure for some time, but it just as quickly can fall off, especially if love is not combined to it. Take masturbation as an example, if done simply to satisfy yourself and with no emotions of love (such as thinking of your partner), it just ends up being hollow fun...

Now the question comes into play if your boyfriend is really the person you love. People can be perfect, but do you love him? Can you think about a life without him? Will you miss him deeply? What is your heart telling you? There's a way to trick your brain into giving you the real answer. Toss a coin, one side is break-up and the other is continuing the relationship. At the very latest once the coin lands, will you get a pulse of wanting a specific side to win. That side is what you really want.

this is where the only fans thing ties in. i know i will never find a dominant man i want, somebody who would like to be with a femboy like me, treat me well but be rough when i want him to be. i've accepted that i will never find a man like that. so i just want to start doing only fans and get enjoyment out of that, to feel wanted and to feel like my body is worth something.

I am in no position to tell anyone what to do, but think about it. Would you really want people to lust over you? Or would you rather only belong to one person and offer yourself up only to them? I for sure would want to only have one person ever have my body naked in front of them, if they even exist. But if that is fine by you, then you might as well go ahead.

am i an awful human trash for this? i feel like i absolutely am. i cant sleep, i am a mess, i just want to be dominated and taken care of and wanted.

We are all messed up in some way, don't mind it. Whats important is to stay true to yourself and best not hurt others with it.
That's easier said than done tho, I'm a toxic fuck-up haha!

 

[astr4]

it sounds to me like he might be a decent person but not someone you're sexually attracted to, and that's fine, i would maybe leave out all the details when breaking up with him, but sexuality is confusing and messy and we can't always be attracted to what our brains tell us to be attracted to, otherwise i'm sure many queer folk would have successfully prayed the gay away and all that. i do think it's worth having an honest conversation with him about it, though, who knows, maybe he's been secretly repressing his daddy dom side this whole time.

as long as you're acting honestly and with integrity i don't think you should feel guilty or responsible for someone else's emotions. breakups happen for all sorts of reasons, even without the onlyfans stuff. people are entitled to their single hood.

 

[ender boy]

Have you talked to your significant other about your wishes, maybe it's possible to see that he can accommodate them? Also onlyfans - Why would you want strangers validation and potentially lusting when already in possesion of true love close to you, It seems unfair but maybe I don't know your personal reasons/story

we talked a lot about wants and needs and i know for certain what he wants and needs. I also recently realised what i truly want, and he simply doesn't have what i want.

 

[Hvergelmir]

i just want to be dominated and taken care of and wanted.

Only you know how important that is to you. Maybe it's crucial to your wellbeing, but I think you're doing the right thing to think it through, thoroughly. Without hope for a better partner, and with Only Fans as your only plan, you're right to be hesitant.

In line with previous poster:
Are you sure that he's unable or unwilling to satisfy you?
Are you sure that Only Fans is incompatible with your relationship?
If you're both 'subby bottoms' you might even do something like that as a shared endeavor.

Drop any thoughts about being "awful trash". It's not a helpful label for anything but conveying disgust, and there's not reason to do that about yourself.

 

[ender boy]

If you're both 'subby bottoms' you might even do something like that as a shared endeavor.

i don't want him to pretend he is something he isn't, or to force himself to do something he wouldn't really enjoy. he told me before that he is glad i like him the way it is, because he doesn't think he could be dominant. i also dont want to force myself to continue playing the more dominant role out of the two of us. (since i just accepted if he doesnt want to be that, i will have to be it. but i realise now it was a mistake and i shouldn't push myself to be something i am not.)

 

[thronesick]

if you don't want him you have every right to end things respectfully and peacefully don't stay out of pity because he's a good guy. if you don't love him anymore or as much as he does you then break up. if he doesn't align with what you believe is what you want with a partner then break up with him. it's difficult but that's just life. i think you both deserve what you want and need. he may be a good guy but he may not be the one and that's okay. he shouldn't need to change for you and vice versa. you're not a bad or disgusting person because you find down the line that your partner doesn't fulfill your desires. i will say, you deserve more than lustful attention and someone that truly loves every aspect of you not just your body

 

[EvisceratedJester]

this is where the only fans thing ties in. i know i will never find a dominant man i want, somebody who would like to be with a femboy like me, treat me well but be rough when i want him to be. i've accepted that i will never find a man like that. so i just want to start doing only fans and get enjoyment out of that, to feel wanted and to feel like my body is worth something.

Tbh, I'm not sure if you are even going to get as much enjoyment as you are hoping for. At least based on my own experiences with sexting men and even video calling a few (and I also did some dom sub type of stuff with some of them), it becomes draining pretty quickly. You don't end up feeling like your body is worth something but rather you end up feeling just as shitty as before, if not worse. This goes into the fact that issues with one's body are generally ones that run deeper than just external validation alone. I don't like my body and still feel insecure about it, even though I had plenty of men masturbating to it and even a few who wanted to meet with me irl just to have sex with me. I still don't like my body despite my bf constantly fawning over it and getting horny very quickly whenever he looks at it in a way that has never happened with anyone else before.

Sometimes I would get paranoid that they are actually just laughing at me behind the screen, using me as some sort of circus freak they can gain entertainment from. I still think about it sometimes.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't start an OF but rather that you should actually reflect more deeply on this, especially if you are hoping to gain some sort of newfound appreciation of your body out of it. It's not a good solution to that sort of issue, especially since it doesn't address its internal aspects. Having the worth of your body completely rely on external validation can actually be harmful, tbh. I think it's better to aim more towards viewing your body from a more neutral perspective (which is something I have yet to accomplish, tbh).

Edit: Is your pfp from that one Harada manga or whatever (the one with teacher)

 

[Wonhun]

wtf am i reading, it is like reading AITAH where they know what they are doing is absolutely asshole behavior

 

[coolgal82]

i mean if you're not sexually compatible and thats an important thing to you then the relationship might not be for you. i'd say either break up or maybe come to some sort of open agreement if he'd also be down but like if he isnt then idk. it really depends just how much of a dealbreaker it is for you

 

[Tesha]

wtf am i reading, it is like reading AITAH where they know what they are doing is absolutely asshole behavior

The only asshole behaviour I can see on this thread, is your completely unnecessary comment. HTH.

 

[ender boy]

Sometimes I would get paranoid that they are actually just laughing at me behind the screen, using me as some sort of circus freak they can gain entertainment from. I still think about it sometimes.

thank you for sharing your insight and experience, this definitely makes me think about this kinda thing more deeply.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't start an OF but rather that you should actually reflect more deeply on this, especially if you are hoping to gain some sort of newfound appreciation of your body out of it.

i just genuenly don't know what else i could do, i either want to start an only fans or simply stop thinking about sex and love altogether until i find the right man for myself.

Edit: Is your pfp from that one Harada manga or whatever (the one with teacher)

i dont know, i found it on pinterest

wtf am i reading, it is like reading AITAH where they know what they are doing is absolutely asshole behavior

i know i'm sensitive and emotional but i genuenly don't understand why i'm an asshole, i think i deserve to have a boyfriend i love and fulfills my needs, just as i do for my partners.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

i dont know, i found it on pinterest

Harada is a BL manga author who is well known for creating messed up and dark stories. Your pfp is from one of their stories about a teacher who grooms one of their students I think.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

If you feel you're incompatible and your boyfriend can't and won't provide what you need, then the right course may be breaking up and finding a new person later on, if this topic is non negotiable for you.

I'm just wondering, why the OF consideration? I don't see how that can fulfill what you want when it would just be strangers on the Internet? Also, it would become a job, it will never be a relationship, which seems to be what you want?

Regarding your desires specifically, and this may depend from person to person, but I've found that those things get old quickly. It's not great sex that will sustain the relationship long term. Those simple pleasures come and go, change with time, etc. So if you want a new person later on, just take that into consideration. Don't make the mistake of being with someone just because of great sex.

 

[Wonhun]

The only asshole behaviour I can see on this thread, is your completely unnecessary comment. HTH.

okay, so the point of AITAH post is to find validation for their asshole behavior instead of actually seeking opinion for Am I An Ass Hole. If so, that's fair for you for pointing out how it is unnecessary for asking if You Are An Ass Hole for being an Asshole. Well, I guess good luck for finding your perfect mate that fills your sexual desire for being the longest dick alpha male to feed your monetary sugar daddy need.

 

[ender boy]

okay, so the point of AITAH post is to find validation for their asshole behavior instead of actually seeking opinion for Am I An Ass Hole. If so, that's fair for you for pointing out how it is unnecessary for asking if You Are An Ass Hole for being an Asshole. Well, I guess good luck for finding your perfect mate that fills your sexual desire for being the longest dick alpha male to feed your monetary sugar daddy need.

you've gotta be really insecure to be bothered by the fact that i want a dominant man lmao

I'm just wondering, why the OF consideration? I don't see how that can fulfill what you want when it would just be strangers on the Internet? Also, it would become a job, it will never be a relationship, which seems to be what you want?

i genuenly have no idea why exactly its something i want to do, i guess i have a really romanticized idea of it all, maybe its something i fantasize about but would never actually do. im very unstable so im sorry for the vague answer, i just genuenly don't have an answer for you

Harada is a BL manga author who is well known for creating messed up and dark stories. Your pfp is from one of their stories about a teacher who grooms one of their students I think.

thank you for educating me, i hate that so im gonna look for another pfp

 

[GlassMoon]

unfortunately we are both subby bottoms. and i really really want a dominant cis man instead of him. and i feel so selfish for that. i know its just my sexuality and attraction and needs, and i should look for whatever fulfills them. but i feel so guilty that i want to break up with such a perfect man.

Just wondering, since you are both subs, would it be possible to find a dom which takes up both of you, either at the same time or taking turns? I think I've heard a story where a dom took up a couple, and I've also seen female doms searching for couples for

Spoiler: details

complete domination including monetary

. My knowledge in this area limited, so please forgive me if I overlooked something obvious.

 

[ender boy]

Just wondering, since you are both subs, would it be possible to find a dom which takes up both of you, either at the same time or taking turns?

i should probably mention that us being very submissive applies to our nature too in our relationship, our personality. so i just want somebody more dominant in everything in general. also, he is monogamous, even if i would be down to try new things.

 

[Namelesa]

I have had similar trouble with my 2nd relationship as I wanted to be bottom more but he wasn't able to that and I felt like I needed to top as to not disappoint him. I felt like the relationship constricted my ability to sexually express myself and limited what I could do sexually and so made me feel like I didn't have much value in the relationship. Sex to me is quite important to me so I am glad I did break up, especially as there were other non-sexual problems with the relationship. Its up to you whether you should break up or not.

Personally my experiences with sexting, sex chat rooms and sex video calls with other people have been great as I feel like I have worth to people that find me attractive and want to masturbate to me and tell me what to do, however I feel pressured sometimes to not do anything wrong as I do have fear of disappointing people. My experience may be different to others tho as I already like my body and don't get much issues with it and I am quite hyper sexual with no shame in doing a lot of sexual stuff and get a lot happiness from it.

 

[ender boy]

so just a general update to this, i decided to break up with him and not do onlyfans. i don't know how i will tell him, i'm filled with anxiety and cant think properly and my head and stomach hurts constantly from stress. i know it will hurt him so much. but i can't deal with this much anxiety anymore. i will figure out a way to talk to him about this. and after that i will just be single and focus on my job until love finds me.
thank you all for your advice and insight, it really helped me and your words made me think thru all of this much more deeply. i am very very grateful.

 

[FireFox]

so just a general update to this, i decided to break up with him and not do onlyfans. i don't know how i will tell him, i'm filled with anxiety and cant think properly and my head and stomach hurts constantly from stress. i know it will hurt him so much. but i can't deal with this much anxiety anymore. i will figure out a way to talk to him about this. and after that i will just be single and focus on my job until love finds me.
thank you all for your advice and insight, it really helped me and your words made me think thru all of this much more deeply. i am very very grateful.

@ender boy At least you are honest many people are not. If a person feels a relationship is no longer working out then they should leave because it's not fair on the partner.

 

[casual_existence]

It's a good thing you decided to break up. The onlyfans is like whatever. It won't fix anything. It's a thing you do. In fact NOTHING can fix you. The really for real truth is that you don't need fixing because you aren't broken, never have been broken and never will be broken but most people don't accept that.
If a tree grows towards a light source and in the process it ends up contorting itself due to something being in the way then (while it may not look like a typical plant or it might not look pleasant) it did what it had to do.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

i genuenly have no idea why exactly its something i want to do, i guess i have a really romanticized idea of it all, maybe its something i fantasize about but would never actually do. im very unstable so im sorry for the vague answer, i just genuenly don't have an answer for you

I understand, that makes sense. Don't worry, there's no need for a "right" response. I think that shows your thought process quite well and that's sometimes all we can do at the time!

so just a general update to this, i decided to break up with him and not do onlyfans. i don't know how i will tell him, i'm filled with anxiety and cant think properly and my head and stomach hurts constantly from stress. i know it will hurt him so much. but i can't deal with this much anxiety anymore. i will figure out a way to talk to him about this. and after that i will just be single and focus on my job until love finds me.
thank you all for your advice and insight, it really helped me and your words made me think thru all of this much more deeply. i am very very grateful.

Sounds like a good conclusion to your current predicament. I'm glad that you thought things through and followed what you think is best. It hurts to break up with someone, especially if you think they're amazing but they're lacking things you can't compromise on. However, it is much better to break up than to continue "tricking" the other person. It's the kind thing to do. His heart will heal, as will yours, and you may both find great partners later on. Maybe in the future you can be friends as well, once your hearts heal.
I think it is really nice to be friends when the relationship was good. Nice people are hard to come by.
I wish you and your boyfriend the best.