Venting My college decisions are biting me

[amSleepy]

I don't know what to do with my life as it is right now. I'm repeating my 1st year of university because my previous university made me miserable since I was majoring in something I didn't actually enjoy but now that I'm in my new university, the feeling of misery still hasn't left me because I'm now a year behind my peers, and my family is now dangling the possibility that they might not be around when I graduate because of my decision to not only switch majors but transfer schools too and it's tanking my focus. I used to be such a high achiever, and at my previous university, I was the class president as well as a scholar, I even managed to have a circle of friends back there, but I threw it all away for the sake of aligning myself, but I feel much worse now and don't know where to go from here.

I've always struggled with my mental health, with many ideas of CTB but can't find the right resources to pull through with it, I'm now 20 and honestly, I can't see myself growing any further, any advice or thoughts would be much appreciated TYIA!

 

[UnusedGate]

Look at the bright side. Your in university! You're actually progressing in life. Who cares if you're a year behind? Comparison really is the thief of joy. Don't constantly look at what others have, ask your self, are you happy/content with your own life? As long as you're on the right track, don't bother comparing yourself to others.

Also, I know it's easier said than done but don't think about what "could have been". It'll eat you up inside. You made certain decisions for a reason, if you regret those decisions, understand WHY you made those mistakes and do your best to not make them again.

For your mental health i'd recommend the generic advice of eating right, exercising, socializing, going outside and traveling. Hardest one i think is socializing, so for that maybe volunteer somewhere? homeless shelters, charity shops, etc. If this really doesn't work then you're going to want to get help from a professional.

 

[Dot]

Nt takng awy frm th/ feelng of b-ing b-hnd bt 1 yr = nothng - u r all basclly th sme ag bt cn undrstnd hw = mght fl strnge tht u wll b 21 b4 mst of th/ othrs in ur clss arnd u insted of all turnng tht ag 2gethr or othr frnds gradu8tng 1yr b4 u

1 issu wth tht tme in lfe = tht thre r lts of mile-stnes in shrt spce of tme whch cn mke th/ yrs fl furthr frm ech-othr

Thre wll hwevr b othr ppl wh/ hve takn gap yrs or wll b startng l8tr fr all knds of reasns sch as switchng lke u hve or changng creers

Thre wll b ppl in ur cohort wh/ startd ynger bt follw thru thr dgree bt thn regrt takng th/ cours tht thy dd & wll hve dffclt tmes tht jst happn l8tr thn urs xcept thy hve 100k in studnt dbt in tp

Lfe = nt linear & whle ppl mght b doin th/ sme thngs nw thr lves wll all tke diffrnt directns @ dffrnt tmes - e.g sme frnds wll strt gettng mrried in nxt fw yrs bt thn in 30s u wld notce th/ dvorcs all startng happn & mny of thm wll b startng agn

Evn tho = mght lk as tho ppl r on rght cours & u fl as tho u r nt = jst bcse evry1 = doin simlr thngs @ th/ sme tme bt u journy = ur own

Am srry fr reactn of yr famly - am nt sre Y thy wld rspond lke tht othr thn thy r wantng u 2 liv thr idea fr ur lfe rathr thn wht u wnt

 

[Dante_]

Nt takng awy frm th/ feelng of b-ing b-hnd bt 1 yr = nothng - u r all basclly th sme ag bt cn undrstnd hw = mght fl strnge tht u wll b 21 b4 mst of th/ othrs in ur clss arnd u insted of all turnng tht ag 2gethr or othr frnds gradu8tng 1yr b4 u

1 issu wth tht tme in lfe = tht thre r lts of mile-stnes in shrt spce of tme whch cn mke th/ yrs fl furthr frm ech-othr

Thre wll hwevr b othr ppl wh/ hve takn gap yrs or wll b startng l8tr fr all knds of reasns sch as switchng lke u hve or changng creers

Thre wll b ppl in ur cohort wh/ startd ynger bt follw thru thr dgree bt thn regrt takng th/ cours tht thy dd & wll hve dffclt tmes tht jst happn l8tr thn urs xcept thy hve 100k in studnt dbt in tp

Lfe = nt linear & whle ppl mght b doin th/ sme thngs nw thr lves wll all tke diffrnt directns @ dffrnt tmes - e.g sme frnds wll strt gettng mrried in nxt fw yrs bt thn in 30s u wld notce th/ dvorcs all startng happn & mny of thm wll b startng agn

Evn tho = mght lk as tho ppl r on rght cours & u fl as tho u r nt = jst bcse evry1 = doin simlr thngs @ th/ sme tme bt u journy = ur own

Am srry fr reactn of yr famly - am nt sre Y thy wld rspond lke tht othr thn thy r wantng u 2 liv thr idea fr ur lfe rathr thn wht u wnt

Translation for Dot :

Not taking away from the feeling of being behind, but one year is nothing – you're all basically the same age. I can understand how it might feel strange that you'll turn 21 before most of the others in your class do, instead of reaching that milestone together, or that some friends may graduate a year before you.

One issue with that time in life is that there are lots of milestones happening in short space of time, which can make years feel further from each other.

However, there will also be people who have taken gap years or started later for all kinds of reasons – like switching courses like you have, or changing careers.

There will be people in your cohort who started younger, followed through with their degree, but later regret the course they chose. They may struggle in different ways later on, except with $100k of student debt on top.

Life isn't linear. Even if people seem to be on the "right" course now, their lives will head in different directions at different times. For example, some friends might start getting married in the next few years, but then by their 30s, you'll notice many divorces happening and people starting over.

Even if it looks like others are on the right path and you feel like you're not, that's only because everyone's doing similar things at the same time – your journey is still your own.

I'm sorry for how your family reacted. I'm not sure why they would respond like that, other than that they want you to live out their idea of a life, rather than what you want.

 

[amSleepy]

Translation for Dot :

Not taking away from the feeling of being behind, but one year is nothing – you're all basically the same age. I can understand how it might feel strange that you'll turn 21 before most of the others in your class do, instead of reaching that milestone together, or that some friends may graduate a year before you.

One issue with that time in life is that there are lots of milestones happening in short space of time, which can make years feel further from each other.

However, there will also be people who have taken gap years or started later for all kinds of reasons – like switching courses like you have, or changing careers.

There will be people in your cohort who started younger, followed through with their degree, but later regret the course they chose. They may struggle in different ways later on, except with $100k of student debt on top.

Life isn't linear. Even if people seem to be on the "right" course now, their lives will head in different directions at different times. For example, some friends might start getting married in the next few years, but then by their 30s, you'll notice many divorces happening and people starting over.

Even if it looks like others are on the right path and you feel like you're not, that's only because everyone's doing similar things at the same time – your journey is still your own.

I'm sorry for how your family reacted. I'm not sure why they would respond like that, other than that they want you to live out their idea of a life, rather than what you want.

Thanks very much for the translation. Reading through it helps lighten my burden. However, the way my family sees it really tanks my ability to look ahead. As the youngest and the last one remaining to finish college, there's this expectation of me to finish as quickly as my siblings, so when I threw the curveball, which was transferring and switching, they started pushing into my head that they might not be around when I finally graduate (I sugarcoated it when in reality they basically said they might die before I graduate and I'd be left alone on the stage with no family to walk with me). Don't get me wrong, I do love my family, but ever since then, I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells.

 

[Dot]

Thanks very much for the translation. Reading through it helps lighten my burden. However, the way my family sees it really tanks my ability to look ahead. As the youngest and the last one remaining to finish college, there's this expectation of me to finish as quickly as my siblings, so when I threw the curveball, which was transferring and switching, they started pushing into my head that they might not be around when I finally graduate (I sugarcoated it when in reality they basically said they might die before I graduate and I'd be left alone on the stage with no family to walk with me). Don't get me wrong, I do love my family, but ever since then, I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells.

Ok bt as mch as famly mght wn2 b @ ur graduatn thy shld b mre concernd abt whethr u wll b ok fr th/ rst of ur lfe - whethr u r doin smethng nw whch hlps ur futre & whch cld mke u hppy

Commnts lke tht mke ur graduatn abt thm

Wld ur famly ask u 2 mrry th/ wrng persn jst bcse tht persn showd up 1st & thy 'mght nt b alve fr th/ nxt 1'

No1 knws wht wll happn 2mro lt alne in nxt 3 yrs - u cld b on orignl cours & sme1 crashs in2 thr car 2mro & thy stll wld nt b thre fr graduatn -- commnts lke tht basd on hypothetcls shld nt determne ur futre - & if Lrd 4bid th/ wrst happns u hve siblngs whch am hopng cld tke cre of ech-othr & b thre fr u

U r takng a *slghtly* dffrnt pth t/ ur siblngs & tht = ok

 

[Dante_]

Ok bt as mch as famly mght wn2 b @ ur graduatn thy shld b mre concernd abt whethr u wll b ok fr th/ rst of ur lfe - whethr u r doin smethng nw whch hlps ur futre & whch cld mke u hppy

Commnts lke tht mke ur graduatn abt thm

Wld ur famly ask u 2 mrry th/ wrng persn jst bcse tht persn showd up 1st & thy 'mght nt b alve fr th/ nxt 1'

No1 knws wht wll happn 2mro lt alne in nxt 3 yrs - u cld b on orignl cours & sme1 crashs in2 thr car 2mro & thy stll wld nt b thre fr graduatn -- commnts lke tht basd on hypothetcls shld nt determne ur futre - & if Lrd 4bid th/ wrst happns u hve siblngs whch am hopng cld tke cre of ech-othr & b thre fr u

U r takng a *slghtly* dffrnt pth t/ ur siblngs & tht = ok

Translation for Dot:

Okay, but as much as your family might want to be at your graduation, they should be more concerned with whether you'll be okay for the rest of your life – whether you're doing something now that helps your future and could make you happy.

Comments like that make your graduation about them.

Would your family ask you to marry the wrong person just because that person showed up first and they "might not be alive for the next one"?

No one knows what will happen tomorrow, let alone in the next three years – you could have stayed on your original course and someone might have had a car accident tomorrow and still not be there for graduation. Comments like that, based on hypotheticals, shouldn't determine your future. And if, lord forbid, the worst were to happen, you have siblings who, I hope, could take care of each other and be there for you.

You are taking a "slightly" different path to your siblings and that is okay.