Venting My Depression Home Was Discovered

[Neon Grave]

I've lived alone for about 4 years with drastic fluctuations in my mental health. My living conditions reflect this, unfortunately, no matter how hard I try to keep things under control. The only thing that ever worked to my advantage was that I never have visitors, and the only people with a key to my house are my parents, who would never come over without prior notice.

At least, that was what I thought, until I received a text from my mom at work detailing how disgusted and ashamed she was of me after seeing the conditions I was living in. Not disgusted by my house specifically- but ME for "allowing it to happen." I was absolutely mortified and ashamed and spent an embarrassing amount of time just crying in the restroom because I didn't know how to process this. I still don't. I don't know why she was even over there in the first place.

Ironically, I'd been doing fairly well with managing my mental health in the last week. Prior to her showing up unannounced, I purged a lot of garbage and ratty clothes and filthy dishes. I was really proud of myself for doing laundry even if it wasn't all hung or folded. I was proud that my dishes made it to the sink and weren't forming a moldy tower in my room. There was (is) still a lot of shit that desperately needs cleaned, but I WAS making progress.

After this, I just feel disgusting and worthless. Maybe she's right that I never should have let it happen, but considering that I didn't even want to be alive just one month ago, I felt like this was making a huge stride in the right direction. Now I have to process the fact that the only thing she'll think of when she looks at me from now on is my dumpster fire of a house. She'll only see someone who is lazy and complacent with filth, rather than someone who has tried their absolute hardest to survive.

I don't know what to do.

 

[sugarb]

Your mom's right that you should be trying to live in a clean house, but she doesn't understand what you're dealing with and probably could've inferred that you're going through something by your living conditions rather than just treating you like that. She shouldn't have said she was ashamed or disgusted by you rather than by your house. That was unkind of her, and possibly cruel depending on her wording/tone.

You've already done really well thus far and you should be proud of what progress you've made. Wash your face, then do something you love and treat yourself somehow. That helps me with crying.

Once you feel less upset and have time, do some more cleaning. You deserve a clean place to live and doing that for yourself will make me you feel better.

audhd sucks but I'm proud of you

 

[Bleh61]

I've lived alone for about 4 years with drastic fluctuations in my mental health. My living conditions reflect this, unfortunately, no matter how hard I try to keep things under control. The only thing that ever worked to my advantage was that I never have visitors, and the only people with a key to my house are my parents, who would never come over without prior notice.

At least, that was what I thought, until I received a text from my mom at work detailing how disgusted and ashamed she was of me after seeing the conditions I was living in. Not disgusted by my house specifically- but ME for "allowing it to happen." I was absolutely mortified and ashamed and spent an embarrassing amount of time just crying in the restroom because I didn't know how to process this. I still don't. I don't know why she was even over there in the first place.

Ironically, I'd been doing fairly well with managing my mental health in the last week. Prior to her showing up unannounced, I purged a lot of garbage and ratty clothes and filthy dishes. I was really proud of myself for doing laundry even if it wasn't all hung or folded. I was proud that my dishes made it to the sink and weren't forming a moldy tower in my room. There was (is) still a lot of shit that desperately needs cleaned, but I WAS making progress.

After this, I just feel disgusting and worthless. Maybe she's right that I never should have let it happen, but considering that I didn't even want to be alive just one month ago, I felt like this was making a huge stride in the right direction. Now I have to process the fact that the only thing she'll think of when she looks at me from now on is my dumpster fire of a house. She'll only see someone who is lazy and complacent with filth, rather than someone who has tried their absolute hardest to survive.

I don't know what to do.

Don't listen to your mom. I don't know what your family situation is, but I would never dump on someone like that. I work in the Social Services field, and it's quite common for people who suffer from mental illness to have problems with housekeeping. Be proud of what you accomplished and don't let your mother shit all over you. Sometimes cleaning. If your mom can't see you for the special person you are, then you need to cut her out of your life. I know that sounds drastic, but some people are just bad for our mental health. I had to cut my brother out of my life because he never treated me with an ounce of respect. I even blocked his phone number. Do you have any friends you can talk to?

Don't listen to your mom. I don't know what your family situation is, but I would never dump on someone like that. I work in the Social Services field, and it's quite common for people who suffer from mental illness to have problems with housekeeping. Be proud of what you accomplished and don't let your mother shit all over you. Sometimes cleaning. If your mom can't see you for the special person you are, then you need to cut her out of your life. I know that sounds drastic, but some people are just bad for our mental health. I had to cut my brother out of my life because he never treated me with an ounce of respect. I even blocked his phone number. Do you have any friends you can talk to?

If you live in the U.S. you can try calling 988 and ask to speak with a peer specialist. Expect them to ask the usual are you going to kill yourself questions. They are obligated to do that. Peers have a better understanding of what you are dealing with then the counselors.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i understand that. my issues are more self care than the house, but thats more so because i live with someone (and even then but thats a different story), but totally that wearing 'i know i need to but uuuuugh'. your mother (or any human for that matter) could show a little compassion for the situation

idk about where you live but i could have sworn that i read about cleaning services, sometimes they offer specific mental health help (not mental health "help", but cleaning with an understanding and specific aim towards people with mental health). just a thought

 

[avoid]

It is sad to read that your mother reacted to your home and you in that manner. If anything, discovering the bad state of someone's home — often a reflection of their mind — should be an opportunity for them to reach out a helping hand, not to shame someone.

I don't know how you manage your home specifically, but there's something to be said about how men and women prioritise certain things differently. For example, in the case of interior design, women often place a greater emphasis on creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere, whereas men often prioritize functionality and practicality. [src] This is not to make it about sexes but to show that all sorts of variables, including your mental health and environment, influence how you organise your home. There's also such a thing as organized chaos where a situation appears in disarray but actually has an underlying order or structure. The point I try to make is that what works for you doesn't need to work for your mother. Don't let negativity discourage you from making positive changes.

 

[complex]

It is sad to read that your mother reacted to your home and you in that manner. If anything, discovering the bad state of someone's home — often a reflection of their mind — should be an opportunity for them to reach out a helping hand, not to shame someone.

I don't know how you manage your home specifically, but there's something to be said about how men and women prioritise certain things differently. For example, in the case of interior design, women often place a greater emphasis on creating a warm and welcoming atmosphere, whereas men often prioritize functionality and practicality. [src] This is not to make it about sexes but to show that all sorts of variables, including your mental health and environment, influence how you organise your home. There's also such a thing as organized chaos where a situation appears in disarray but actually has an underlying order or structure. The point I try to make is that what works for you doesn't need to work for your mother. Don't let negativity discourage you from making positive changes.

Well said xxxx i hope a face wash and pride in progress sees them through to cleaning more for them and not for whatever someone else thinks is needed!! A clean house does help my mood but we are all different