NSFW My final days(SN Prep, Suicide Notes, Etc.)

[nightnightnitrite]

Included in this thread: Photos of blood/SN, Suicide notes and probably silly things as I document my final days here.

I am planning on CTB before this Friday or Sunday. I'm going to document everything here. I thought I had more time before CTB but it doesn't appear that I do:,) Stay tuned! Just opened the shipping box for my SN and the bottle is bigger than expected. I'll document pictures as well. Feel free to ask questions but I am in no way that knowledgeable or saying I have all the answers:,)

The bottle straight from the box

Took me a second to break the blade out from the shaver. Bleeding everywhere and ocd is going crazy): I untwisted the blue top and there was this lil clear seal thing to keep it air tight.

All together it has a slight yellow tint but by itself it's pure white.

As I am pouring it in:


Up close of what it looks like without mixing. It's already darker and you can see some individual grains that are in the bright red that turned it brown.


Here's it mixed up. In hindsight, might have used too much for the test but this obviously works and will do the job when the time comes.

Summary: The SN bought from the 'jungle' that has the label GRM417 is legit. I'm going to clean up now and start on my notes<3

 

[nopointofliving]

You're one of the nicest and kindest people I have seen here on SS. I read your story and you're too strong handling all this pain and suffer. Life is unfair and it always makes it more difficult for us live. I understand your decision. I feel you dear one. Hope life shows some miracles and you find all the love and peace, you deserve it. Sending you hugs and love

 

[adam]

Do you have antiemetics? Are you planning to drink SN at home or somewhere else?

 

[nightnightnitrite]

You're one of the nicest and kindest people I have seen here on SS. I read your story and you're too strong handling all this pain and suffer. Life is unfair and it always makes it more difficult for us live. I understand your decision. I feel you dear one. Hope life shows some miracles and you find all the love and peace, you deserve it. Sending you hugs and love

Thank you so much for the kind words<3

Do you have antiemetics? Are you planning to drink SN at home or somewhere else?

I'm not going to lie, I'm slightly "hippyish" and don't really vibe with medicine of any kind. Also my bank account won't allow any other purchases right now:,) I'm planning on using the last of my weed to roll some joints to deal with anything uncomfortable but with my stomach of steel, I'm normally pretty good at keeping anything down. I'm planning on CTB in my apartment, I live alone(no pets or plants) and only have one friend in this state. Going to have to do it after Thursday night because he's been hanging out with me on his work weekends(Wed/Thurs).

 

[deathgal]

I've never spoken to you but I've read some of your posts and seem a nice genuine person. I hope whatever happens is peaceful for you x

 

[nightnightnitrite]

Got a message to change it to NSFW because of the dollop of blood shown. Please don't report because this is my final days thread where I am going to be posting everything. I would like a 'complete journal' of everything. If admins want to shut it down after I'm gone I'm ok with that, just please not now<3


Tues 3:49am: Doing a face mask right now and I cant stop looking at the bowl I did the test in. It changed so quickly and I didn't even have to mix it in. I can now understand why it's a quick method. So many questions I still have about it but only the people passed could tell me.
I'm having a hard time writing a note, I cant even bring myself to grab a pen and paper. I am pretty great at blocking things out of my mind and not thinking about it whatsoever but having to remember details and put them in writing that might not even be read by the people intended is intimidating.

Tues 3:50 am: I also wish messages would separate like in ye olden days:,) it looks messier and there are hours in between my comments lol

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best if this is the option that you want. Nobody deserves to suffer in this life. At least you have a way out, now that you have the SN for when you are ready. I hope you find the peace we all deserve.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

peace out, nightnightnitrite, you'll be missed.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can do nothing but wish you lots of love and peace!
If there's anything else waiting for you, I bet it'll be something better.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[nightnightnitrite]

Tues 6:45 pm- Not that it matters but I have unsubscribed from all my emails and cleaned up my mailbox. I purged all 'NSFW' photos from my phone because I doubt my friends want to see that when trying to salvage any last pictures/memories of me. My kitchen is a mess and I would really like to try and clean it up tonight but between that, the laundry I need to do and finally throwing away my exs things, I'm not sure I'll get to it.

 

[motel rooms]

I'm not going to lie, I'm slightly "hippyish" and don't really vibe with medicine of any kind. Also my bank account won't allow any other purchases right now:,) I'm planning on using the last of my weed to roll some joints to deal with anything uncomfortable but with my stomach of steel, I'm normally pretty good at keeping anything down.

You'll definitely throw up & fail, buddy

 

[it's_all_a_game]

Please remove those images & the label from the bottle. We don't need another source to disappear.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

You'll definitely throw up & fail, buddy

I think I'll be fine. It's not like I can even afford to buy some anyway. I also have a lot of SN so some of it is bound to stay down and work.
Starting to regret that I made this thread lol see you guys on the day of:)

 

[motel rooms]

I also have a lot of SN so some of it is bound to stay down and work.

No, it doesn't work that way...

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

No, it doesn't work that way...

I am no expert, but I've read people have succeeded without antiemetics

@nightnightnitrite I am very sorry life has brought you so much pain :( I wish you peace <3

 

[Thegoldenapples]

No, it doesn't work that way...

Plenty of people haven't used AE's and followed with a second dose. Most who use them throw up anyway.

@nightnightnitrite sorry you're going through this. I wish you all the best.

 

[motel rooms]

Plenty of people haven't used AE's and followed with a second dose. Most who use them throw up anyway.

There's no reason to get upset with me. Isn't it crucial not to throw up too soon, which is what AE's are for?

 

[Buffy5120]

There's no reason to get upset with me. Isn't it crucial not to throw up too soon, which is what AE's are for?

You need to do more research

 

[motel rooms]

You need to do more research

Maybe you're the one who needs to do more research... I wonder why no one has accused me of being a disgusting pro-lifer yet merely for pointing out that AE's are very important

 

[Buffy5120]

Maybe you're the one who needs to do more research... I wonder why no one has accused me of being a disgusting pro-lifer yet merely for pointing out that AE's are very important

You throw up regardless if you take an AE

 

[motel rooms]

You throw up regardless if you take an AE

Why does Stan's Guide recommend the use of strong AE's then? Without a strong AE people throw up too soon & SN doesn't get absorbed into the bloodstream

 

[S like Siren]

I hope you will find the peace you deserve. I love you even if I don't know you <3

 

[In2TheVoid]

I wish you peace and a smooth journey

 

[Buffy5120]

Why does Stan's Guide recommend the use of strong AE's then? Without a strong AE people throw up too soon & SN doesn't get absorbed into the bloodstream

Thats why you have a second back up

 

[Embers]

I think I'll be fine. It's not like I can even afford to buy some anyway. I also have a lot of SN so some of it is bound to stay down and work.
Starting to regret that I made this thread lol see you guys on the day of:)

Hey bud. Just wanted to say I've been checking this thread because I care.
I hope that whatever option you choose brings peace and your desired outcome.

if you need to talk my inbox is open :)
Take care, remember you can change your mind at any point, it doesn't make anything you're feeling any less valid or real or painful.

 

[Sea Turtle]

Wish you peace and love

 

[Shotgunjohn]

i hope you find peace with whatever happens when you decide to do it.

im sorry you've been suffering so much to reach this point :( wishing you the best

 

[aminend]

If u find ur peace I'm not sry for u. I'm happy for u. I'm sorry more for myself for continuing living in this shit life a bit more

 

[Stroopwafel.]

I'm so sorry for your suffering, I hope you will find the peace you are looking for

 

[nightnightnitrite]

update: saw my friend and he bought me mcdonald's. My stomach is full, bank account empty and a note on my door from my landlord saying I owe my rent soon because CDC is about to expire. Started my final movie marathon of marvel in chronological order last night. Feeling nervous and like I'm forgetting something but in the end, what does it matter.