• Hey Guest,

    As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.

    Bitcoin (BTC): 39deg9i6Zp1GdrwyKkqZU6rAbsEspvLBJt
    ETH: 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9
    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8
ireallylikemangoes

ireallylikemangoes

Ultimately delicious!
Mar 31, 2023
43
It's been a while since I posted here, I've been on a rather unsteady path of recovery and relapse during my absence from here and I just have something I need to get off my chest.

My friend probably attempted CTB, I do not know if they are successful and I don't know if I want to know. I feel incredibly conflicted with this situation and I know it may be selfish for me to talk about my feelings regarding this matter, but I think I might spiral if I kept it to myself any longer.

I know that they use this site, they know i also use this site too. (We do not know each other's usernames however) This was one of the reasons we bonded, we share the view that if people have a right to live, they should also have a right to choose death. My friend has been open about their suicidal ideations and has said that they will CTB in the future, I usually try to make life for them more pleasant by complimenting them and talking about our interests together. I can't and won't stop them if they do decide to CTB because I of all people should understand.. but it feels terrible

It feels terrible that during the time I was busy with work, they had announced that they will attempt. I wasn't even there for them when they needed support, I might sound like a selfish pro-lifer but I could've convinced them to live just a little longer.

I still don't know if they are alive or dead, and I hate myself for wishing that they were alive and well. I'm so selfish
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: Tombs_in_your_eyes, Tonkpils, lv-nii and 7 others
W

wren-briar

wrenbriar.gitlab.io
Jul 1, 2024
223
First and foremost 🫂

You absolutely aren't being selfish talking about your feelings and you absolutely don't sound like a pro-lifer.

As for not reaching out, I absolutely understand where you're coming from.

Playing devil's advocate: if you found out tomorrow that they had CTB tonight, and knew —knew with absolute certainty— that had you reached out to them they wouldn't, would it change your decision to reach out to them?

Playing pure ally: I am purposely (and have been for a while) reducing my contact with friends, because there really isn't anything they can do to affect me CTB, and at this point, I just really want them to move on with their lives and remember me before I was made actively suicidal.

You know your friend better than we do. Do you think they're not reaching out to you because they're trying to be a good friend and make it easier for you to move on after they've CTB, or is because they might change their mind if you two talk about what's going on?

Regardless, I hope you both find the peace that you need!
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: imsotired35 and Tonkpils

Similar threads

heisenberg
Replies
9
Views
263
Suicide Discussion
MercenariesofMidgar
MercenariesofMidgar
shadows_and_silence
Replies
15
Views
341
Suicide Discussion
neonzebra
neonzebra
meowwww
Replies
14
Views
289
Suicide Discussion
waterrrrrrrrrbottel
W
shotgun
Replies
0
Views
83
Suicide Discussion
shotgun
shotgun