Venting my girlfriend broke up with me and now i don’t know what to do with my life

[iloveyouihateyou]

i don't even have enough cohesive thoughts to structure my posts properly anymore but basically my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me like 3 days ago while we were in the middle of a break and now i don't know what to do with myself anymore. like i know i wasn't perfect and i did alot of things wrong but she also admitted to making the same mistakes so i thought we would be able to work things out together. she wanted the break and then after the break we were supposed to focus on building our relationship up again but she called me in the middle of the night and broke up with me over the phone.

confusingly enough by the end of our 2-3 hour breakup call we were actually ironing out an issue while discussing it and it left me so confused afterwards. she still texts me as if we're together, like complaining about certain things and venting to me about her life, but i don't answer because she broke up with me. and honestly i still love her and she even tells me she loves me still but for one reason or another we can't be together. she tells me that maybe in the future we can try and knowing myself i would probably get back together with her but i know that there's no guarantee of that happening and i feel like i'm just being lead on like some dumb cattle or something… but even despite knowing all this like the idiot i am i still want to be with her.

i'm just so fucking lonely in my regular life and she was the person i spent most of my time on whether it was going outside, planning something, thinking of things it would always involve her and now that she's gone i realize how much i sacrificed for her thinking we'd be together forever. regrettably i would choose her over hanging out with friends or even keeping up with friends cause i'd always be at her place and didn't have time to see other people because of that. i basically went all in on the relationship and it was going well until it wasn't. i don't even blame her for breaking up with me i just want her back because even though life still sucked overall she still made me happy and helped me through alot of difficult times. she tells me she's not even happy she broke up with me but it was necessary and it just makes me feel like the biggest fucking retard on earth to fumble my relationship like this.

and i can hope she changes her mind but i know it's a losing battle for myself, i'm trying not to hold onto any chance of anything and with that it leaves me reflecting about my life and what i'm doing, what i can do to fill the void, and i can't think of anything that was as satisfying as being with her. like i've been trying be ambitious looking to make more money, be myself more and meet others, i've started a youtube channel talking about my feelings to try to practice being myself more but despite all the progress i still feel nothing inside of me. i'm proud of myself for doing more for myself and making an effort but it doesn't make me feel any better overall. even smoking packs of cigarette or getting blacked out drunk or frying my brain with highs doesn't even feel that good i still think of the same things while i'm high and it's fucking me up so much

and of course at the end of all of this i'm just contemplating killing myself because i don't know i had so much hope for the future with her by my side. it's so irrational and i know everyone says not to kill yourself over someone else but my life is so fucking miserable now it's driving me crazy…. fuck. i regret not speaking to people during my relationship it was so stupid and inconsiderate of me to abandon my friends but i don't know i just really thought this would work out. i was really head over heels and now i just feel like a genuine jester clown for doing all of that when i'm sat here with nothing to show for it. i don't even know guys i'm just pouring my soul out into the text box like everyone else does this even make fucking sense i don't know anymore lol

but yeah if you read this all the way through i hope you are having a better day and life than i am

 

[wham311]

i don't even have enough cohesive thoughts to structure my posts properly anymore but basically my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me like 3 days ago while we were in the middle of a break and now i don't know what to do with myself anymore. like i know i wasn't perfect and i did alot of things wrong but she also admitted to making the same mistakes so i thought we would be able to work things out together. she wanted the break and then after the break we were supposed to focus on building our relationship up again but she called me in the middle of the night and broke up with me over the phone.

confusingly enough by the end of our 2-3 hour breakup call we were actually ironing out an issue while discussing it and it left me so confused afterwards. she still texts me as if we're together, like complaining about certain things and venting to me about her life, but i don't answer because she broke up with me. and honestly i still love her and she even tells me she loves me still but for one reason or another we can't be together. she tells me that maybe in the future we can try and knowing myself i would probably get back together with her but i know that there's no guarantee of that happening and i feel like i'm just being lead on like some dumb cattle or something… but even despite knowing all this like the idiot i am i still want to be with her.

i'm just so fucking lonely in my regular life and she was the person i spent most of my time on whether it was going outside, planning something, thinking of things it would always involve her and now that she's gone i realize how much i sacrificed for her thinking we'd be together forever. regrettably i would choose her over hanging out with friends or even keeping up with friends cause i'd always be at her place and didn't have time to see other people because of that. i basically went all in on the relationship and it was going well until it wasn't. i don't even blame her for breaking up with me i just want her back because even though life still sucked overall she still made me happy and helped me through alot of difficult times. she tells me she's not even happy she broke up with me but it was necessary and it just makes me feel like the biggest fucking retard on earth to fumble my relationship like this.

and i can hope she changes her mind but i know it's a losing battle for myself, i'm trying not to hold onto any chance of anything and with that it leaves me reflecting about my life and what i'm doing, what i can do to fill the void, and i can't think of anything that was as satisfying as being with her. like i've been trying be ambitious looking to make more money, be myself more and meet others, i've started a youtube channel talking about my feelings to try to practice being myself more but despite all the progress i still feel nothing inside of me. i'm proud of myself for doing more for myself and making an effort but it doesn't make me feel any better overall. even smoking packs of cigarette or getting blacked out drunk or frying my brain with highs doesn't even feel that good i still think of the same things while i'm high and it's fucking me up so much

and of course at the end of all of this i'm just contemplating killing myself because i don't know i had so much hope for the future with her by my side. it's so irrational and i know everyone says not to kill yourself over someone else but my life is so fucking miserable now it's driving me crazy…. fuck. i regret not speaking to people during my relationship it was so stupid and inconsiderate of me to abandon my friends but i don't know i just really thought this would work out. i was really head over heels and now i just feel like a genuine jester clown for doing all of that when i'm sat here with nothing to show for it. i don't even know guys i'm just pouring my soul out into the text box like everyone else does this even make fucking sense i don't know anymore lol

but yeah if you read this all the way through i hope you are having a better day and life than i am

Let her know the door is open and leave her alone and love your life. She could come back. But don't wait for her. You'll meet another girl.

 

[iloveyouihateyou]

Let her know the door is open and leave her alone and love your life. She could come back. But don't wait for her. You'll meet another girl.

yeah you're right like maybe things can come back together in the future as this isn't the first time we broke up but just sucks when things like this come to a close. i'm already doomscrolling dating apps again but idk i feel like i'm just doing it to get my mind off things. it definitely wouldn't be wise to just wait as i'd probably miss out on alot of life i could be living in the meantime

 

[FishRain3469]

I'm sorry you're going through this, but I agree with wham. Best to go No contact and focus / work on yourself. If it's meant to be, it will work out in Due time.

 

[wham311]

yeah you're right like maybe things can come back together in the future as this isn't the first time we broke up but just sucks when things like this come to a close. i'm already doomscrolling dating apps again but idk i feel like i'm just doing it to get my mind off things. it definitely wouldn't be wise to just wait as i'd probably miss out on alot of life i could be living in the meantime

Some people recommend getting right back out there, I think I do too. But focus on other areas of your life too, you want to be balanced. You come off differently if your focus isn't squarely on this stuff.

I'm sorry you're going through this dude.