Story My journey from Very "Hopeful" to Very "Suicidal".

[SuicidalMob]

Here is my story from being a freaking Hopeful guy to where I am now, and I'll really appreciate alive on how I can make this better anyway possible.

Well I was a kid who was mad about soccer, and just put all his effort and time into it. After I got bad grades in my finals I realized that shit needs to change and I worked my ass off and got a pretty good grades in all the high school after wards. I was about to enter college that I get struck by a lot of shit I don't even know what caused it. So long story short I have tinnitus and at the starting of college I started noticing that I was able to get any concepts and wasn't able to learn anything. And I didn't tell anybody. And time passes and here comes the finals and I'm not prepared and my parents think I'm going good. And I almost kill myself the day before the exam but I get the courage and explain everything to my parents. And they are now spending a lot of money and time on me and I feel like a bitch that I am just a burden on them and it's been 4 months since I told them this.


Now the biggest problem is my self esteem. Now even if I get any better I have failed so many times that I don't even have the courage to try . I have failed to many times, I grab my book and when I start trying to learn or understand my ears feel like they have filled up with air my head becomes heavy it hurts. So the thing is now my mind is wired so negativity that I can't even think if anything positive would happen. And anybody so could tell me the solution to this will be like everything to me. Idk what my dumb ass saying Right now . .. And that's the biggest problem I have lost interest in my favorite activities and I find nothing interesting nothing makes me happy I'm in so much pain.


I don't know how to escape I'll appreciate the suggestions

 

[Spectre]

Yeah you need a learning counsellor to help you develop some studying skills and an audiologist or neurologist to look at your ear/brain. If you just graduated high school you haven't tried everything yet and should be willing and open to receive all the extra care you need even if you feel like a burden. I mean you have alot of time to pay your family back afterward anyways. Also your brain being negative might just be a happenstance of circumstance have you had a good night out with your friends recently?

 

[SuicidalMob]

Yeah you need a learning counsellor to help you develop some studying skills and an audiologist or neurologist to look at your ear/brain. If you just graduated high school you haven't tried everything yet and should be willing and open to receive all the extra care you need even if you feel like a burden. I mean you have alot of time to pay your family back afterward anyways. Also your brain being negative might just be a happenstance of circumstance have you had a good night out with your friends recently?

Well I think right after high school our entire family moved to a new place and i haven't talked to anybody yet(haven't talked or met to anybody in the last 1 year) . I had some friends back where we lived before , and I got the idea to reach out to them last month and nobody responded even I told them that I'm suicidal they still didn't care. I have no friends everybody hates me. Nobody loves me. I'm trying to make friends on this website and people here are nice. Well I don't know if you wanna talk with me you can message me (PM). I really have no friends. And nobody loves me, I'm sorry for who I am

Yeah you need a learning counsellor to help you develop some studying skills and an audiologist or neurologist to look at your ear/brain. If you just graduated high school you haven't tried everything yet and should be willing and open to receive all the extra care you need even if you feel like a burden. I mean you have alot of time to pay your family back afterward anyways. Also your brain being negative might just be a happenstance of circumstance have you had a good night out with your friends recently?

Well I think right after high school our entire family moved to a new place and i haven't talked to anybody yet(haven't talked or met to anybody in the last 1 year) . I had some friends back where we lived before , and I got the idea to reach out to them last month and nobody responded even I told them that I'm suicidal they still didn't care. I have no friends everybody hates me. Nobody loves me. I'm trying to make friends on this website and people here are nice. Well I don't know if you wanna talk with me you can message me (PM). I really have no friends. And nobody loves me, I'm sorry for who I am

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

Well I think right after high school our entire family moved to a new place and i haven't talked to anybody yet(haven't talked or met to anybody in the last 1 year) . I had some friends back where we lived before , and I got the idea to reach out to them last month and nobody responded even I told them that I'm suicidal they still didn't care. I have no friends everybody hates me. Nobody loves me. I'm trying to make friends on this website and people here are nice. Well I don't know if you wanna talk with me you can message me (PM). I really have no friends. And nobody loves me, I'm sorry for who I am

It's really disappointing when 'friends' aren't there for you when you need help.

You say that no one loves you, but it sounds like your parents do. After you told them you are struggling, you said that they're trying to get help for your health issues, right?

 

[Arahant]

When did the tinnitus start?

Was it along with a head injury, or a stressful life period?

 

[SuicidalMob]

When did the tinnitus start?

Was it along with a head injury, or a stressful life period?

Stress full life period

It's really disappointing when 'friends' aren't there for you when you need help.

You say that no one loves you, but it sounds like your parents do. After you told them you are struggling, you said that they're trying to get help for your health issues, right?

Yeah but they are doing too much