Hey buddy,
Listen. Life sucks sometimes. It's New Years Eve right now & I hope you decide to not go through with ending your life. My life is currently very difficult too, and honestly I'm thinking of using the SN method soon too.
But part of me is afraid to do this at the same time, just like I'm sure you are. Imagine those moments after you drink the Sodium Nitrite... You will probably be very scared.
My man, realize that ending your life is permanent. Imagine all the good things you can achieve if you put the same energy that you put into being depressed into self-development. In 5 years from now, maybe you finish a union apprenticeship and make 50 dollars an hour. Very attainable. Study the mechanics portion and the mathematics portion and as long as you have a high school diploma or GED, they will most likely call you to begin your apprenticeship if you pass. That success will reactivate your lost self esteem and your mind will shift from a conquered mentality into a conqueror mentality.
All the stuff you've been through, and you're still here aren't you? Yes, those bad things suck. But you're still here! That means you are strong, probably a lot stronger than most of the people you know. That's a reason to have some self-esteem right there!
Also keep in mind, when you're young, you have hormones raging through your body. These hormones can easily manifest as depression and sadness. I know what that's all about. When I was in high school, I used to sit in the bathroom stall all lunch period because I was too embarrassed to walk around because I had no friends to walk with.
It sucks, man. But you've got me as a friend. If you ever wanna talk, I'm here for you buddy.
Please try to have the best New Years Eve you can :)
Watch Youtube videos, listen to songs, research the people on Youtube who jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge & survived. See what they had to say about the moment they jumped and how their life changed afterwards. They realized they didn't really want to die... They just wanted to stop suffering.
You've got the tools to pull through this. Get out there and make the world give you what you want, by working for it and taking your self development to the next level!
Remember... "I've been through worse" is usually a true thing to tell yourself during hardship.
