Venting My life has no meaning to me outside of relationships

[3xplo]

36 Russian gay here. I'm not pretty or have a good personality, it's been a struggle to find a partner. Three months ago I got back together with my ex, he promised to communicate with me any problems so we could fix it, but a week ago he suddenly lost all emotions towards me and left me.

I was happy these 3 months, but it seems that I'm only happy when I'm needed by a romantic partner, because when I'm outside of relationships, nothing I do bring anything lasting, it all just a distraction for me from a empty background of my life. I don't want to live. I'm tired and emotionally scarred. I don't have friends, and everyone around me just invalidates my feelings of emptiness when I talk about it, so I'd rather not talk about it. I have huge trust issues. I just want a single person who will validate me existing, but despite spending money and time in dating apps, I don't interest no one.

Hoping to die in sleep to some unexpected condition or something.

 

[over2025]

I'm 26 and have never had a relationship and will probably die before I ever have one.

 

[i love yoshi ^-^]

36 Russian gay here. I'm not pretty or have a good personality, it's been a struggle to find a partner. Three months ago I got back together with my ex, he promised to communicate with me any problems so we could fix it, but a week ago he suddenly lost all emotions towards me and left me.

I was happy these 3 months, but it seems that I'm only happy when I'm needed by a romantic partner, because when I'm outside of relationships, nothing I do bring anything lasting, it all just a distraction for me from a empty background of my life. I don't want to live. I'm tired and emotionally scarred. I don't have friends, and everyone around me just invalidates my feelings of emptiness when I talk about it, so I'd rather not talk about it. I have huge trust issues. I just want a single person who will validate me existing, but despite spending money and time in dating apps, I don't interest no one.

Hoping to die in sleep to some unexpected condition or something.

hello! fellow russian here. i feel you so much. i had a break-up a few months ago, it was one of the most painful things for me, and i still didn't get over it. i have mental health conditions that require support, often with physical presence, and i've lost it now. do you know what missing piece a relationship brings to you ^^?

 

[3xplo]

hello! fellow russian here. i feel you so much. i had a break-up a few months ago, it was one of the most painful things for me, and i still didn't get over it. i have mental health conditions that require support, often with physical presence, and i've lost it now. do you know what missing piece a relationship brings to you ^^?

It just make me feel happy on the background, when I have someone to care for and who cares for me, so I can do my hobbies and activities not as a distraction from the void, but as something I enjoy, while being able to return to who is important to me. Without that person, it's just a suicide wish on the background...

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I also have trouble living without a relationship. I got married when I was 23 and we were together for 20 years until my wife left me in February this year. Going back to being single has been devastating, I feel so unwanted, unloved, and rejected. My life is in shambles so I can't just find a new partner, nobody in their right minds would want me. It makes me feel so weak and shallow because other people can tolerate being single.

Even when I was married I still felt lonely because we didn't have friends, so I started dating other women (with my wife's permission). Having two partners was very satisfying for a while, but draining in the end. Maybe I should have just stuck to friendships, but I just really craved the intimacy of romantic relationships. Watching a movie with a friend is simply not the same experience as watching the same movie while cuddling half naked in bed.

I wish I could feel differently, but it seems to be wired into my brain. My mom was a teenager when I was born and she left when I was very young, so I never developed a secure maternal attachment. I figure that has a lot to do with my need for relationships. Whatever the cause, the thought of living alone for the rest of my life is unbearable, and I feel like I'm better off dead.