BlizzardSnow
*.-*. ✰
- Oct 21, 2024
- 36
idek why im writing this but like i dont have anyone to tell to and ive been thinking ab it for a while so yea. my life is so hopeless and i cant see a future for myself, every job path i think about is sad and depressing and i feel like in no situation would i be even remotely happy in job i could reasonably get and idek what im doing. My parents have been talking and nagging about it but i really dont know and i feel like the only way is to ctb cuz else im just gonna end up homeless on the road or just miserable. it doesnt help that im bad at everything i do, i was not good at anything and probably will never be and ugly. maybe if i looked better it would be a small boost to reconsider and maybe delay my ctb, though it probably wouldnt stop it, it would probably help. but i dont. i have friends and family, but theyre going to get over it eventually and its not like im even useful or anything and im practically just being a burden on my parents so my ctb wouldnt even really harm anyone. in fact it would help them out (at least for my family) because its one less mouth to feed. i feel like they'll be sad but its honestly better for them if they realize it or not. i dont even have a partner or anything, only friends and im sure they will get over it eventually (and way faster a partner would, and since i dont have that im not that worried about that part). i want to ctb soon or asap, at least get my sn as its probably only going to be harder to come by as time goes on but its not working. i feel like eventually there will be a time where all the options i might have rn for a more preferrable route to ctb wont be available anymore so idk what to do. I know its bad to go along with a method you are unsure of but i feel like hanging may be the only option as i technically have everything i need, which is a rope. I dont have an area to hang though which is an issue but i might start looking into hanging more and maybe i can find a spot, if i cant then im actually screwed because i really cant think of another reliable way that I can do. I would use a gun as a last last resort because i don't really want to but i dont even have access to one and jumping too possibly but i also dont have access to a high enough building. i really dont know what to do aahhh i want to ctb so bad i really cant wait anymore but i cant idk im so lost sorry this was so long im probablly going to delete this or smth before i hopefully find a way to and ctb soon so no one sees it incase they find my SaSu acc somehow