Venting My meaningless suffering

[Seele]

I don't understand why, when someone tries to get close to me, I begin to suffer. I feel an irrepressible urge to pull away, as if the approach of others is a wound that opens within me. When people talk, whether in real life or online, a wave of anxiety consumes me. I remain silent, unable to say anything, just wishing that the conversation would end, that the weight would disappear. I am so distant from my friends, so far from myself. The only company I have left are the blades, which momentarily ease my torment. I pay with blood the price of a brief relief.

 

[witchcraft]

I can relate.

Can't speak for you of course, but for me I have grown tired of being disappointed by people. So I don't enjoy meeting new people, or socializing.

Other people have also been a source of pain in other ways for me. They lead lives far better than mine, at least from where I am standing.

It's also the realization that nobody really cares. I mean, maybe 1 out of 10,000 or something actually care, but that's virtually nobody. And just because someone cares doesn't mean they can actually help... People just want to talk about themselves (like I am doing right now, so I am going to stop).

 

[Seele]

I can relate.

Can't speak for you of course, but for me I have grown tired of being disappointed by people. So I don't enjoy meeting new people, or socializing.

Other people have also been a source of pain in other ways for me. They lead lives far better than mine, at least from where I am standing.

It's also the realization that nobody really cares. I mean, maybe 1 out of 10,000 or something actually care, but that's virtually nobody. And just because someone cares doesn't mean they can actually help... People just want to talk about themselves (like I am doing right now, so I am going to stop).

You managed to understand well, I'm surprised. You can keep talking, don't worry.
people really don't care about others, deep down you and I are isolated in our own minds.Life proves this to me more and more every day.being alone is less painful.

 

[witchcraft]

You managed to understand well, I'm surprised. You can keep talking, don't worry.
people really don't care about others, deep down you and I are isolated in our own minds.Life proves this to me more and more every day.being alone is less painful.

I did see you mention an author and their philosophy, but edited. I can't help myself when I mention that I'm curious about reading their writing; I hadn't realized that they had a philosophy like that. The closest I've heard of is solipsism.

In any event, I do think I understand what you mean here about being isolated. Some people are close like neutrons and protons. I would compare myself to an electron at best, a free radical at worst. Regardless, what they all have in common is that they never, ever, truly touch.

We can split atoms, but we cannot really bring them together.

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

You're not alone in that. Everyone who has tried to befriend me has gotten hurt by my tendency to maintain a distance.

 

[Seele]

I did see you mention an author and their philosophy, but edited. I can't help myself when I mention that I'm curious about reading their writing; I hadn't realized that they had a philosophy like that. The closest I've heard of is solipsism.

In any event, I do think I understand what you mean here about being isolated. Some people are close like neutrons and protons. I would compare myself to an electron at best, a free radical at worst. Regardless, what they all have in common is that they never, ever, truly touch.

We can split atoms, but we cannot really bring them together.

You are referring to the concept of "isolism," a term that Marquis de Sade uses to express the idea that the human being lives isolated within themselves. I read this term in French and Spanish, but I'm not sure of the exact translation in English. Sade's philosophy has elements of nihilism, though its main focus is the rupture with morality through the ideas of pleasure and pain. At times, he even flirts with antinatalism.

The big issue is that many people know Sade only through his criticisms of the society of his time or, in a partial way, through the book 120 Days of Sodom. However, his work as a whole presents a set of ideas that, when analyzed together, form the foundation of his philosophy

 

[motherwithtwoheads]

I don't understand why, when someone tries to get close to me, I begin to suffer. I feel an irrepressible urge to pull away, as if the approach of others is a wound that opens within me. When people talk, whether in real life or online, a wave of anxiety consumes me. I remain silent, unable to say anything, just wishing that the conversation would end, that the weight would disappear. I am so distant from my friends, so far from myself. The only company I have left are the blades, which momentarily ease my torment. I pay with blood the price of a brief relief.

youre definitely not alone on this one! i was diagnosed with social anxiety and this is really reminiscent if my time before my diagnosis. have you talked to a professional or a support group? theres more people going through this than you might think

 

[Seele]

youre definitely not alone on this one! i was diagnosed with social anxiety and this is really reminiscent if my time before my diagnosis. have you talked to a professional or a support group? theres more people going through this than you might think

I have anxiety and bpd, the feeling I get when I see someone is like a nettle growing inside me. Just like Witchcraft, I'm tired of being disappointed.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I don't understand why, when someone tries to get close to me, I begin to suffer. I feel an irrepressible urge to pull away, as if the approach of others is a wound that opens within me. When people talk, whether in real life or online, a wave of anxiety consumes me. I remain silent, unable to say anything, just wishing that the conversation would end, that the weight would disappear. I am so distant from my friends, so far from myself. The only company I have left are the blades, which momentarily ease my torment. I pay with blood the price of a brief relief.

It seems like you've been hurt so much that you don't trust people anymore. Perhaps I'm wrong but I agree and understand how you feel. If I'm correct, we rather be alone and by ourselves. We don't welcome new friendships and the ones we have we barely want to entertain. Friends come with baggage, we don't care to listen, we have our own. Personally, I'm sick of my friends constantly needing an update on my life, so I avoid them as much as possible. I just wish to live my life in peace, by myself. They simply can't understand us, so I keep my thoughts to myself. You are perfectly normal, there is nothing wrong with you

 

[fade_to_black_71]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for
and have a painles CBT