Story My mother told me to kms

[Isaiah]

I've had depression for like 5 years, that's why I moved to her place, because I couldn't handle it by myself anymore, and thought that if I'll live with her and her son I'll get better, but instead I want to die even more, of course her words saying "you're not my child, why didn't you killed yourself years ago, you don't have enough courage to do it, all you can do is complain" made impact. But it's a little bit scary, I am sorry for my friends, and I don't know if I should deactivate all my social pages, I don't know how to write letter that no one will blame anyone in my death

 

[Delia]

I often see stuff about parents saying that to their child and i don't understand how that's even possible. I'm very sorry for what you have to go through. If you want to talk or smth my dms are open.

 

[albino_elk]

I feel ya bro. My stepfather used to say the same words to me. Or smth "go far far away to a forest that no one could find you and ctb" . He choked me many times till i passed out, he bullied me and he played baseball with my head. At first i cried so much that hes not caring for me at all but later on i just started to hate him and dont give a shit about him. All i wish is a slow death to him:)

 

[flower]

i'm so sorry, that's a fucking despicable thing for a mother to say to her child. are you able to move out again? it sounds like such an awful toxic home to be in

 

[SmellyRat]

I told mine i wish i was aborted so i didn't have to.

 

[NA90]

Your not alone, my dad told me the same once. Sorry for that sweetie. Everything shall pass one day!

 

[SmellyRat]

Your not alone, my dad told me the same once. Sorry for that sweetie. Everything shall pass one day!

Wow, considering you didn't choose to be born in the first place.....

 

[sadworld]

Many people told that to me to. My parents not that much, most of the times just indirectly. Words can kill and I think many people don't know that.

 

[NA90]

Many people told that to me to. My parents not that much, most of the times just indirectly. Words can kill and I think many people don't know that.

 

[Going Home]

Many people told that to me to. My parents not that much, most of the times just indirectly. Words can kill and I think many people don't know that.

I can relate to you. Those people telling others to kill themselves know exactly what they are doing :(

 

[BLUE1970]

Living with someone with depression is very difficult; it's frustrating and confusing and often results in loved ones lashing out and saying things they later regret. I am sorry you're having a rough time.

 

[Weary Soul]

I am sorry so many have been through this. I was about 10ish when I told my mom I did not want to live anymore. She told me that I would become a ghost and have to follow behind her and beg her for forgiveness for eternity. I was pretty isolated and raised with a hellfire and brimstone religion (no internet then).

Words can kill

The above is so very true and very, very sad.

<3

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I want to challenge your thinking on this.

Respectfully, your mother didn't tell you to kill yourself.

The first part, "you're not my child," is shitty because it's a rejection. It's also saying, "You're not me." Well, good! She had an autonomous child, not a clone. Some people are sorely disappointed when their children aren't just like them, and that's their own problem if they can't accept it. It's not the child's fault, thought they have the power to make the child suffer for their problem for a long time. You're an adult now, you're not a child. The problem can go back to her.

The second part is what I'm specifically challenging, though:

"why didn't you killed yourself years ago, you don't have enough courage to do it, all you can do is complain"

Some people think that if someone else keeps going on about suicide, they're using it as leverage, as emotional blackmail. I'm not at all saying she's right, but it may be that she expects if your problems were real, that you would do something about them, either kill yourself or find a way to solve them. And that may be something she sees in herself, that she wouldn't complain, she'd either kill herself or fix herself, and therefore rejects you as having come from her if you don't do the same. I'm not at all saying it's logical, or that she even walks that talk, but recognizing that this may be her logic. It is, however, not a command that you kill yourself.

But it's a little bit scary, I am sorry for my friends, and I don't know if I should deactivate all my social pages, I don't know how to write letter that no one will blame anyone in my death

If you're hearing your mother as commanding you to "Kill yourself," whoa. Number one, who made her the boss of whether you exist or not as an adult, whether you live or die? Who gave her the power that you have to do what she says, something extreme that you're afraid of? It's your life or death, and either you own it or she does. If she does, then hand her your method and demand she kill you. If you can't own it, then no one does, it does not default to her or you would already be exactly what she wants and doing exactly what she wants.


I know I spoke very bluntly here. It doesn't mean I don't have compassion for your suffering and experiences. What it means is that I see you functioning in an illusion, like a dream, and I'm saying, "Wake up!" You may not value my perspective or my approach, that's cool, I respect that. I sincerely mean you no harm. I don't negate you, only what you're interpreting and the power you're giving your mother that she has no right to, and wouldn't know what to do with if she had it anyway.

 

[maybepossiblyithink]

In 7th grade I was forced to go to a hospital for he second time and I got out of it by answering "no" to all the questions but. My dad had to pick me up from school that day and on the car ride home he told me to "stop threatening it and just do it already"
He didn't speak to me for a whole week after that. he always gives me the silent treatment if i do something that upset him because I m not the type to argue

He's never acknowledged that he said it though and it really sucks.

 

[Ghost2211]

My ex has gotten annoyed at me and said "if you want to do it why haven't you done it already? He also recently said to me "if you want or need to kill yourself it's OK you can go ahead and do it the kids will get over it and we'll be fine". I told him it really wasn't OK for him to be supporting or encouraging suicidal ideation. I don't even know what he was trying to do by saying those things to me considering the kids would not be fine if I did that. Also kind of interesting he called the police telling them I was suicidal like three days after he told me it's fine if I kill myself.....

 

[Worndown]

My ex has gotten annoyed at me and said "if you want to do it why haven't you done it already? He also recently said to me "if you want or need to kill yourself it's OK you can go ahead and do it the kids will get over it and we'll be fine". I told him it really wasn't OK for him to be supporting or encouraging suicidal ideation. I don't even know what he was trying to do by saying those things to me considering the kids would not be fine if I did that. Also kind of interesting he called the police telling them I was suicidal like three days after he told me it's fine if I kill myself.....

It sounds like him being your EX was a step in the right direction.

 

[OminousVaL]

My mother has made similar remarks to me as well so to an extent I understand. I have done nothing wrong and neither did you.

 

[LonelyDude15]

I don't know what else to say but sorry. That sounds really awful.

 

[sephlove]

I'm sorry your mother said those things to you. It's not your fault, and you didn't deserve that.

Sadly, just because someone is a parent, it doesn't mean they know or will love you. Some of it is just parental instincts/attachment. What a miserable and lonely place it must be for them. So miserable and lonely that they want to suck in anyone they can into it.

 

[Going Home]

In 7th grade I was forced to go to a hospital for he second time and I got out of it by answering "no" to all the questions but. My dad had to pick me up from school that day and on the car ride home he told me to "stop threatening it and just do it already"
He didn't speak to me for a whole week after that. he always gives me the silent treatment if i do something that upset him because I m not the type to argue

He's never acknowledged that he said it though and it really sucks.

I'm sorry you experienced that. Parents can be the worst.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

I'd disown her at that point. Fuck that.

 

[StillBreathing]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this but lets think about it a little different. It was a horrible thing for her to say and there is no excuse for it. However, take this as a challenge and prove her wrong. Prove that you do not need her in your life. First thing you have to do is get out and move to your own place.

Our situations are a bit similar. I had (have) suicidal idealizations which got worse until I had to move home to my dad, just like you did moving home to your mom. I thought everything would get better but no. It got so much worse. Just the thought of being in my 30s living with my parent is enough, but my dad is too kind. I sometimes hate him for it. He never pushed me to do anything.

Don't take your mom's words seriously but use it for your own good. Use it to prove her you can get better on your own.

 

[charlotte_]

That is awful, I'm so sorry you went through that. I want to make sure that you know that you deserve way better than that. No parents should treat their child like that. Please don't take her words seriously. Do you have anyone else you could stay with, or at least, talk to? I think it would certainly be better for you that way than staying with her. Anyway, I hope you the best if you're trying to recover.

 

[FuneralCry]

This thread is from 2020 and the user who started the thread hasn't been seen on the site since 2021 so I don't think they will be here to answer any questions at this point.

 

[blue_muse]

I don't know how any parent can say such a thing to their own child.

My relative's more subtle. Often ***'ll dog whistle (narcissistic trait) or involve others, like joining in an ongoing smear campaign, to goad me into killing myself.