My online gf is my fav person ever and she has already lost a bf to suicide, wth do I do

[Unrecognizable7]

I love her but nothing can make this bdd disgust go away and i have no life because of it for 15 years. I tried everything to get better. Her life was bad before that too and she is also struggling. How horrible would it be to do this to someone but i just can't keep going. How do I make it easy for her? She knows my struggles. Do i tell her or do I not? Any ideas?


(For my life story, read my last post if you wanna)

 

[25dRvS9Ka]

If you want to make her happy, tell her that you have suicidal thoughts (not only depression) and you trust her. Write to her that nothing she does or has done has anything to do with your depression. There is a good chance that she will give you importance and help you get through it. Do not share intrusive thoughts that could hurt her or judge her. If possible, even if she has not improved, tell her that you see chances to improve both of your lives with attention and affection.

The death of loved ones is much more understandable when those who were close to you understand that they did the best they could, the misfortune of your death was an individual condition that dismiss their responsibility, which is basically the truth.

 

[Unrecognizable7]

If you want to make her happy, tell her that you have suicidal thoughts (not only depression) and that you trust her. Write to her that nothing she does or has done has anything to do with your depression. There is a good chance that she will give you importance and help you get through it. Do not share intrusive thoughts that could hurt her or judge her. If possible, even if she has not improved, tell her that you see chances to improve both of your lives with attention and affection.

The death of loved ones is much more understandable when those who were close to you understand that they did the best they could, the misfortune of your death was an individual condition that dismiss their responsibility, which is basically the truth.

Okay, that's good, that is what I have been trying. To tell her how long I have had this and that nothing can make this go away, that I see her efforts and that whatever happens, she can't change anything about it. She knows everything, but about this site, basically, and even writing this, I am scared she somehow finds out. She is helping me get through it but it just kills the time, I am ugly and deformed AND have severe bdd so it is rly hard. I have prepared a lie that I am going to the hospital for a looooooooong time to take that pressure off her but I am unsure if that is the way to go about it. I know how helpless she feels on a daily basis and it is so unfair cause no one else even gives a fuck about me and I don't even want to die, i wanna be happy forever with her. I have looked for external help and there is nothing left for me and the intrusive thoughts get worse and worse. It is a tragedy and I don't want to destroy her with this. But I guess from what you said, I went about it in the best way i could have so far. If i knew i would go through with it, i would never have talked to her in the first place.

 

[25dRvS9Ka]

"I know how helpless she feels on a daily basis and it is so unfair cause no one else even gives a fuck about me and I don't even want to die, i wanna be happy forever with her."

I need to be honest with you, if you are recognizing that she cares about you and you don't want to die but would like to be happy, you need to give importance to yourself to ease this pain. Suicide is a path for those who want to die beyond all possibilities.

Want a tip? Take it easy on yourself, give importance to your condition and try to get rid of the habits that hurt you. Dealing with depression is not always a set of actions that you add to your life, but rather getting rid of the amount of destructive habits that you do to hurt yourself, less is more... ☯

 

[Unrecognizable7]

I need to be honest with you, if you are recognizing that she cares about you and you don't want to die but would like to be happy, you need to give importance to yourself to ease this pain. Suicide is a path for those who want to die beyond all possibilities.

Want a tip? Take it easy on yourself, give importance to your condition and try to get rid of the habits that hurt you. Dealing with depression is not always a set of actions that you add to your life, but rather getting rid of the amount of destructive habits that you do to hurt yourself, less is more... ☯

I mean, i don't want to die in the sense that if i did not have all these physical characteristics, i could imagine being happy, but the dysmoprhia and trauma from abuse and neglect has ruined my life for 20 years and i have exhausted therapy and clinic and meds and doctors in the mean time. The state i am, i will have to die as i can no longer function but it doesnt mean i long for death because life is worthless, i am just forced into it by external pressure and obsessiveness. I have had 5 therapists lol. I have really done more than most to make it work I think. It is highly tragic I met her shortly after deciding I can no longer deal with this. My last therapist has openly stated she cannot help me and she is not the first one.