Story My partner just left me 4 months before getting engaged.

[Cyber4ngel!]

I can't believe my boyfriend left me just four months before we were supposed to get engaged.

I haven't been active even on SaSu because life has gotten too difficult.

I can't believe I was about to become a wife and move in with the love of my life, only for him to abandon me. I've struggled with depression my whole life; from my earliest memories, I have always been depressed. The first thing I do when meeting someone is to warn them that I have mental health issues and that I might experience depressive episodes that last for months.

When I met him, I was doing well and had been stable for a long time. I was productive, going out, and active. But I swear, I was so open about everything and told him, like I do with everyone, that I am depressed and that this might happen at some point.

Now I'm facing many problems in my life. In less than three months, I've gone from living my whole life as described in my introduction post (u can prolly find it on my profile if u want to read it), where I was literally in bed all day, unable to do anything or study because of my abusive family, to moving out and managing everything on my own: learning to cook from scratch, cleaning, handling paperwork, doing monthly shopping, and caring for my three cats.

Maybe it doesn't seem like a lot for other people, but for me it's overwhelming because it's so much at once.
On top of that, I have a difficult relationship with my brother, who leaves all the responsibilities to me and constantly demands more. My father keeps trying to enter my life to torment me. I found out that a friend I've had for six years, whom I trusted a lot, was just trying to sleep with me. I also learned that my best friend since childhood is leaving the country, and last month I fell seriously ill and almost died. I had to go to the emergency room and was hospitalized, and now I can't find a job due to my physical and mental health. I don't have the money to keep paying rent, and I might be evicted soon if I dont get a job, I tried making art commissions but its not going well, and from where I'm from no one is paying more than five dollars for a drawing, if Im evicted, which at this rate im sure it will happen, it means going back to my father's house, where I was abused, and losing my cats, who are the only things that really matter to me in this world. I'd be back to not being fed, not being allowed to bathe or even wash my clothes, and being sexually harassed all the time.

All of this has led me into a depressive episode.

The problem is that, as a partner, i am completely open about everything. Even in the middle of an emotional crisis, the first thing I think about is not hurting my partner. And trying not to burden people, I explain why I'm feeling bad, reassure him that it's not his fault, and tell him how he can help me and what triggers me and how I can feel better. I explain everything. If I have a problem with my partner, I discuss it honestly and communicate openly. I'm attentive, always checking if he might need something like holding his drink if his hands are cold. I make gifts whenever I can, even if I don't have money rn i make handmade crafts, i get him flowers or food. I plan outings, find new places to go, propose new activities, suggest playing video games over calls, and explain every move I make to avoid causing an insecurity to my partner.
When he has a bad moment, I listen and am a shoulder to cry on, a distraction, and I give advice if asked.

I consider this the bare minimum and it's what I give and expect in a relationship.

When I was doing well, my partner was with me all the time. We went out and talked all day. We were together for a year. But now, when I'm in one of the worst times of my life and need him the most, he left me alone. He didn't even come to see me when I asked. Instead, he spent the whole weekend with his friends. When I told him I wanted to CTB, and that I desperately needed help bc I just wanted things to get better instead of CTB , he told me to do whatever I wanted and that he couldn't help me.
All I asked was for him to come to my house one day, without me having to ask, to hug me for at least 15 minutes and talk, or at least bring me a flower from the street, even that would've fixed everything, literally a hug at the right moment would've fixed everything... But he didn't show up and left me crying alone, even though we were so close to getting engaged and living together.
He was never like this with me until he saw me truly depressed and now I'm no longer appealing to him. He used to be so kind before he was so angry at me..

The moral of the story is that everyone loves you when you're at your best and can give them the world, but as soon as you need a hand and can't be as productive as before, they will abandon you. This isn't the first time it's happened to me, and I don't understand why. It makes me sad because I feel like I have no place in this world due to my illness and that I don't deserve anyone to make an extra effort for me, even though I do it for others. No one comes to save me, and all I needed was a hug and reassurance.

I sincerely wish him all the best in the world, and I hope he finds someone for whom he is willing to do that extra effort, I still love him so much but I know I didn't deserve this, but If I could go back time and pretend to be okay just for him to stay I would, I love him so much and I wish I could be his partner for all of our lives. At least I know this will make it less painful for him if I CTB, i wish I was deserving of love and the princess treatment I wanted but I'm not.

 

[Soupster]

You're right, you don't deserve this. Full stop. We all deserve love and people who care for us and have our best interests at heart. You go above and beyond and warn people about your health. You didn't spring this on him, and you did nothing wrong.

That said, from what you described he probably meant well. Lots of people think they can handle our mental health and the issues surrounding it, but when it comes right down to the dark reality, can't. They just can't understand, or if they do can't handle the constant drain of our bad times. It doesn't make them bad people, they just can't handle it.

I hope things start to look up for you. I don't have any good advice, other than perhaps seeing if digital art (or just scanning and uploading your physical art) might be an option for selling commissions online. It's not amazing money, but it's definitely more than five bucks a drawing.

 

[Cyber4ngel!]

You're right, you don't deserve this. Full stop. We all deserve love and people who care for us and have our best interests at heart. You go above and beyond and warn people about your health. You didn't spring this on him, and you did nothing wrong.

That said, from what you described he probably meant well. Lots of people think they can handle our mental health and the issues surrounding it, but when it comes right down to the dark reality, can't. They just can't understand, or if they do can't handle the constant drain of our bad times. It doesn't make them bad people, they just can't handle it.

I hope things start to look up for you. I don't have any good advice, other than perhaps seeing if digital art (or just scanning and uploading your physical art) might be an option for selling commissions online. It's not amazing money, but it's definitely more than five bucks a drawing.

Thank you so much for your kind words, I know I didn't deserved to be abandoned at my worst but I really do wish it was easier loving me, I wish there was someone who would do the same I do for people, I took him to eat burgers at 3 am because he was bored, I got in a dangerous neighborhood to get him the flowers that he liked bc there was no other shop that had it, I used to hold his cold drinks and do everything I could, when he was sad I was there. The worst thing is that we dont live far, only 20 mins away on bus, when he had to go back from my place to his at night I kept him company and I would go back to my house alone after that, I just really wanted it to work bc I love him so much.

I know he's not a bad person, he was really trying to make me happy but he just couldn't understand what I was going through, he thought it was not that serious and that I could fix those things alone and do it quick but I can't even get out of bed to go to the bathroom these days, he was mad at me for not trying hard enough. But I know he is a good man and he is truly kind at heart, that's why I really do wish him a good life

Also I'm trying to be online for the commissions but it's hard to get recognized, not a lot of people see my content to pay for a commission, so it's hard to make a living out of it :(

 

[Melly]

He showed his true colors... I think you should allow yourself to be angry at him. The life you imagined with him was never going to happen, because he's a coward and he ditched you at the slightest hint of there possibly needing to be just a little bit of effort involved from his side to make the relationship work; hell, even just to get you back up on your feet.

Seriously, don't take it out on yourself or question your value as a human being. Life gets hard for everyone, but unfortunately, the world is full of immature people who would rather run from problems than to be reliable companions. You're not unlovable. The world is just shit sometimes. Anyone else would have gotten depressed in your circumstances, mental illness history or not, he really had no excuses here, and nothing about this is your fault.

I promise you there are people out there who care and who have love for people in this world, they're just hard to find. You've gotta keep looking if you can bear to do it.

I wish you the best and I hope you can find a way out of this.

 

[username12345]

I can't believe my boyfriend left me just four months before we were supposed to get engaged.

I haven't been active even on SaSu because life has gotten too difficult.

I can't believe I was about to become a wife and move in with the love of my life, only for him to abandon me. I've struggled with depression my whole life; from my earliest memories, I have always been depressed. The first thing I do when meeting someone is to warn them that I have mental health issues and that I might experience depressive episodes that last for months.

When I met him, I was doing well and had been stable for a long time. I was productive, going out, and active. But I swear, I was so open about everything and told him, like I do with everyone, that I am depressed and that this might happen at some point.

Now I'm facing many problems in my life. In less than three months, I've gone from living my whole life as described in my introduction post (u can prolly find it on my profile if u want to read it), where I was literally in bed all day, unable to do anything or study because of my abusive family, to moving out and managing everything on my own: learning to cook from scratch, cleaning, handling paperwork, doing monthly shopping, and caring for my three cats.

Maybe it doesn't seem like a lot for other people, but for me it's overwhelming because it's so much at once.
On top of that, I have a difficult relationship with my brother, who leaves all the responsibilities to me and constantly demands more. My father keeps trying to enter my life to torment me. I found out that a friend I've had for six years, whom I trusted a lot, was just trying to sleep with me. I also learned that my best friend since childhood is leaving the country, and last month I fell seriously ill and almost died. I had to go to the emergency room and was hospitalized, and now I can't find a job due to my physical and mental health. I don't have the money to keep paying rent, and I might be evicted soon if I dont get a job, I tried making art commissions but its not going well, and from where I'm from no one is paying more than five dollars for a drawing, if Im evicted, which at this rate im sure it will happen, it means going back to my father's house, where I was abused, and losing my cats, who are the only things that really matter to me in this world. I'd be back to not being fed, not being allowed to bathe or even wash my clothes, and being sexually harassed all the time.

All of this has led me into a depressive episode.

The problem is that, as a partner, i am completely open about everything. Even in the middle of an emotional crisis, the first thing I think about is not hurting my partner. And trying not to burden people, I explain why I'm feeling bad, reassure him that it's not his fault, and tell him how he can help me and what triggers me and how I can feel better. I explain everything. If I have a problem with my partner, I discuss it honestly and communicate openly. I'm attentive, always checking if he might need something like holding his drink if his hands are cold. I make gifts whenever I can, even if I don't have money rn i make handmade crafts, i get him flowers or food. I plan outings, find new places to go, propose new activities, suggest playing video games over calls, and explain every move I make to avoid causing an insecurity to my partner.
When he has a bad moment, I listen and am a shoulder to cry on, a distraction, and I give advice if asked.

I consider this the bare minimum and it's what I give and expect in a relationship.

When I was doing well, my partner was with me all the time. We went out and talked all day. We were together for a year. But now, when I'm in one of the worst times of my life and need him the most, he left me alone. He didn't even come to see me when I asked. Instead, he spent the whole weekend with his friends. When I told him I wanted to CTB, and that I desperately needed help bc I just wanted things to get better instead of CTB , he told me to do whatever I wanted and that he couldn't help me.
All I asked was for him to come to my house one day, without me having to ask, to hug me for at least 15 minutes and talk, or at least bring me a flower from the street, even that would've fixed everything, literally a hug at the right moment would've fixed everything... But he didn't show up and left me crying alone, even though we were so close to getting engaged and living together.
He was never like this with me until he saw me truly depressed and now I'm no longer appealing to him. He used to be so kind before he was so angry at me..

The moral of the story is that everyone loves you when you're at your best and can give them the world, but as soon as you need a hand and can't be as productive as before, they will abandon you. This isn't the first time it's happened to me, and I don't understand why. It makes me sad because I feel like I have no place in this world due to my illness and that I don't deserve anyone to make an extra effort for me, even though I do it for others. No one comes to save me, and all I needed was a hug and reassurance.

I sincerely wish him all the best in the world, and I hope he finds someone for whom he is willing to do that extra effort, I still love him so much but I know I didn't deserve this, but If I could go back time and pretend to be okay just for him to stay I would, I love him so much and I wish I could be his partner for all of our lives. At least I know this will make it less painful for him if I CTB, i wish I was deserving of love and the princess treatment I wanted but I'm not.

Why are you not allowed to bathe or wash your clothes at home? Not judging you, I know that abuse gets weird like that sometimes. I don't understand why you couldn't have lived with your boyfriend if you guys were that serious? It's 2024 couples live together for way less serious relationships.

Also it's not a bare minimum to explain every little move you make. That seems really exhausting and unnecessary.

Your boyfriend doesn't care about you, but I don't think it's something to lose your life over. There are tons of really great guys that can treat you well. I do understand how the negative treatment adds on when you were already dealing with abuse, though. It's so weird to me how people can know people are being abused and not think to do anything about it? Especially if he was supposed to be your fiance. At least you know you dodged a bullet with him.