Cyber4ngel!
Member
- Aug 24, 2024
- 67
My safe place collapsed and now I don't know what to do.
With my partner, I always had the possibility of doing age regression. He took care of me, made me fall asleep in his arms while I sucked my thumb (I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I can't sleep if I don't do it). He told me I was his princess, that I was a baby and I didn't have to worry about anything, that I didn't even have to think. He often made me food, took care of me, and was attentive to my health, making me feel safe.
he made me feel like I was 8 years old again and that I finally had the chance to have a father figure
I lost my mom when I was 8 years old, and my dad abandoned me 7 months later to be with another woman, and I lived years of abuse (I won't go into detail because I already made a thread about everything my dad did to me, if you want, you can read it).
So for me, it's very important to feel that I can be a little girl again, I can't do this with anyone else but my partner, and I don't like to talk about it either because people judge it a lot, thinking it's pdfilia, its not.
Anyways, I became homeless and had to temporarily stay at my partner's house. I pay for my food and my things and help around the house, but his mom doesn't like me and fills his head with the idea that I don't care about him and that he should stop doing things for me and taking care of me.
My partner, unfortunately, is a mama's boy and listens to everything she says, putting her first (then his friends) and me last.
The other day my partner told me that I'm lazy, that he won't take care of me anymore and that I have to start living on my own and not needing him anymore, that he won't take care of me or do anything for me anymore and that he's not my dad anymore.
I'm devastated because he doesn't even spend time with me anymore, he doesn't take care of me, I'm currently very sick, I have a urinary infection that's spreading to my kidneys (and as I mentioned in another thread, I'm taking as long as possible to heal because I hope to get sepsis and be able to ctb) and he doesn't even bother to take my temperature, he doesn't speak to me nicely anymore, he doesn't care, and he's making me go alone to a neighborhood I'm not familiar with to the hospital even though I can't even move, he doesn't cook for me even when I'm feeling bad, I've been without food for 6 days.
And I admit that many times I depend on him, especially when I'm sick, and also because I have traumas and I'm afraid of his family and touching things in his house that aren't mine because I was punished for touching things in my house.
But whenever something happens to him, I take care of him, and whenever he wants something, I do it right away, I also take care of him.
And now he doesn't talk to me sweetly, doesn't take care of me, doesn't hug me, doesn't kiss me, doesn't hold me in his arms, doesn't do anything, even though that was one of the aspects of the relationship that I liked the most and my main love language is words of affirmation and physical touch.
I'm having severe anxiety attacks because I feel like my dad is abandoning me for the second time and I have to go through all of that again. I have a great need for someone to hold me and treat me like a baby, a need as strong as the need to breathe.
I am overwhelmed, scared, depressed, and inconsolable; I cry every day, and the worst part is that since I am living with him due to my homelessness, I depend on him for a place to stay and I can't do anything about it because he doesn't want to talk about it either.
I need my dad, I need someone to take care of me, I want to die if I don't have that, it's one of the few things that keep me afloat.
To make matters worse, I blocked my entire family, I don't talk to any of my friends anymore, and the only one I have left is him. I need to be a baby again, please, I just want to be held in his arms until I fall asleep.
I feel like, if I die of sepsis, just like my mother did when she purposely didn't treat it to ctb, I will be able to see her again and sleep in her arms forever. I'm so lonely. I want my mum. I want a dad. Please don't ignore me, I need someone to talk to I need to know that i still exist, I need someone to tell me that I'm just a baby and i don't have to worry anymore
Sorry for the bad English, I used a translator for the most part
The other day I had a panic attack in front of him, I cried a lot and screamed, I dug my nails into my own forehead so hard that I hurt myself, I hit the pillow and begged him to please understand that I wanted my dad, and I wanted my baby (my cat) and I repeated it a thousand times while he told me to shut up and that I was incoherent and crazy, that he wanted to have a life and that I was driving him crazy and he didn't want anything to do with me
With my partner, I always had the possibility of doing age regression. He took care of me, made me fall asleep in his arms while I sucked my thumb (I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I can't sleep if I don't do it). He told me I was his princess, that I was a baby and I didn't have to worry about anything, that I didn't even have to think. He often made me food, took care of me, and was attentive to my health, making me feel safe.
he made me feel like I was 8 years old again and that I finally had the chance to have a father figure
I lost my mom when I was 8 years old, and my dad abandoned me 7 months later to be with another woman, and I lived years of abuse (I won't go into detail because I already made a thread about everything my dad did to me, if you want, you can read it).
So for me, it's very important to feel that I can be a little girl again, I can't do this with anyone else but my partner, and I don't like to talk about it either because people judge it a lot, thinking it's pdfilia, its not.
Anyways, I became homeless and had to temporarily stay at my partner's house. I pay for my food and my things and help around the house, but his mom doesn't like me and fills his head with the idea that I don't care about him and that he should stop doing things for me and taking care of me.
My partner, unfortunately, is a mama's boy and listens to everything she says, putting her first (then his friends) and me last.
The other day my partner told me that I'm lazy, that he won't take care of me anymore and that I have to start living on my own and not needing him anymore, that he won't take care of me or do anything for me anymore and that he's not my dad anymore.
I'm devastated because he doesn't even spend time with me anymore, he doesn't take care of me, I'm currently very sick, I have a urinary infection that's spreading to my kidneys (and as I mentioned in another thread, I'm taking as long as possible to heal because I hope to get sepsis and be able to ctb) and he doesn't even bother to take my temperature, he doesn't speak to me nicely anymore, he doesn't care, and he's making me go alone to a neighborhood I'm not familiar with to the hospital even though I can't even move, he doesn't cook for me even when I'm feeling bad, I've been without food for 6 days.
And I admit that many times I depend on him, especially when I'm sick, and also because I have traumas and I'm afraid of his family and touching things in his house that aren't mine because I was punished for touching things in my house.
But whenever something happens to him, I take care of him, and whenever he wants something, I do it right away, I also take care of him.
And now he doesn't talk to me sweetly, doesn't take care of me, doesn't hug me, doesn't kiss me, doesn't hold me in his arms, doesn't do anything, even though that was one of the aspects of the relationship that I liked the most and my main love language is words of affirmation and physical touch.
I'm having severe anxiety attacks because I feel like my dad is abandoning me for the second time and I have to go through all of that again. I have a great need for someone to hold me and treat me like a baby, a need as strong as the need to breathe.
I am overwhelmed, scared, depressed, and inconsolable; I cry every day, and the worst part is that since I am living with him due to my homelessness, I depend on him for a place to stay and I can't do anything about it because he doesn't want to talk about it either.
I need my dad, I need someone to take care of me, I want to die if I don't have that, it's one of the few things that keep me afloat.
To make matters worse, I blocked my entire family, I don't talk to any of my friends anymore, and the only one I have left is him. I need to be a baby again, please, I just want to be held in his arms until I fall asleep.
I feel like, if I die of sepsis, just like my mother did when she purposely didn't treat it to ctb, I will be able to see her again and sleep in her arms forever. I'm so lonely. I want my mum. I want a dad. Please don't ignore me, I need someone to talk to I need to know that i still exist, I need someone to tell me that I'm just a baby and i don't have to worry anymore
Sorry for the bad English, I used a translator for the most part
The other day I had a panic attack in front of him, I cried a lot and screamed, I dug my nails into my own forehead so hard that I hurt myself, I hit the pillow and begged him to please understand that I wanted my dad, and I wanted my baby (my cat) and I repeated it a thousand times while he told me to shut up and that I was incoherent and crazy, that he wanted to have a life and that I was driving him crazy and he didn't want anything to do with me
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