My selfworth depends on other people

[Clowndollie]

I'm so co dependent and it's really bothering me. I really want to put a stop to this. Whenever someone's tone sounds off in a message, when someone doesn't text me as much as I would like for them to do, sometimes even when someone doesn't agree with me about something I start to feel some incredible dread that I just can't put into words. It's like a stomach ache? And it feels like something's weighing on my chest? It makes me feel really anxious. Does anyone here have some tips on how to deal with or even get rid of co dependency? I feel like I'm taking small steps in the right direction in other aspects of my life but this just keeps messing everything up.

 

[dr18]

I understand that feeling completely. What has helped me is genuinely doing my own thing. I love to game and love to watch movies/series. So I'll find something new to watch or play that'll keep me engaged. If not that, I'll take a walk or try to do something physical to keep my mind away from that. Sometimes folks can be more forgiving and kind than we give credit for but obviously not always...especially if we've had a bad past with people.

 

[Eternal Eyes]

I have this too, not with everyone, but a few special friends I have. Do you have BPD by any chance?

 

[Clowndollie]

I have this too, not with everyone, but a few special friends I have. Do you have BPD by any chance?

Yes I recently got my official diagnosis, don't really know how to feel about it

 

[Luckiest7]

Hey i got BPD too and this is the biggest reason ive been wanting to cbt in the past. Id say working on self concept and somehow learning to enjoy time by yourself or other friends goes a long way. Maybe it's shallow and doesn't address the actual issue at hand but basically just a ton of distraction and better self worth

 

[etherealgoddess]

I'm so co dependent and it's really bothering me. I really want to put a stop to this. Whenever someone's tone sounds off in a message, when someone doesn't text me as much as I would like for them to do, sometimes even when someone doesn't agree with me about something I start to feel some incredible dread that I just can't put into words. It's like a stomach ache? And it feels like something's weighing on my chest? It makes me feel really anxious. Does anyone here have some tips on how to deal with or even get rid of co dependency? I feel like I'm taking small steps in the right direction in other aspects of my life but this just keeps messing everything up.

I used to be like this. The thing that I did was I started finding tons of hobbies that make me feel 100% independent. I would find my own things that make me feel happy, and people even felt like distractions from what I wanted to do. After being more independent emotionally, I feel a lot better about trying to now strike a balance. Us people who don't know a healthy dynamic will find it really hard to balance. I would say take that adventure and go to the other side. When you go on both extremes, you'll start experimenting more and more with balance. But if you're never fully dived on the other side, it can be difficult to balance. It's not a quick process to say the least. I've been trying to heal my attachment patterns for years and still am not close to where I want it to be. But I am closer, that's for sure.

 

[lacrimosa]

I was told three very important things from therapists regarding self-worth and it being dependent on other people.

1. It's not your business what people think of you.
2. You are not responsbile for other people's happiness.
3. 99% of people are busy focusing on themselves and are just as worried as you about what other people think, this is a common thought loop and you're not alone.

We live in a time where image and how you are perceived is everything and you can be cancelled, or even lose your job for mere rumors. So, this has created a type of neuroses in the population where everyone is worried about what others think about them. But, this also can protect your sanity because when you look at it this way, people are so hyper focused on themselves that you don't really have to worry about what they think about you.

I hope this helps.

 

[Onelessstraw]

I'm so co dependent and it's really bothering me. I really want to put a stop to this. Whenever someone's tone sounds off in a message, when someone doesn't text me as much as I would like for them to do, sometimes even when someone doesn't agree with me about something I start to feel some incredible dread that I just can't put into words. It's like a stomach ache? And it feels like something's weighing on my chest? It makes me feel really anxious. Does anyone here have some tips on how to deal with or even get rid of co dependency? I feel like I'm taking small steps in the right direction in other aspects of my life but this just keeps messing everything up.

You may have rejection sensitive dysphoria, I certainly have. Might be worth have a read about it. It's common in neuro diverse people.