My shyness/quietness makes me rude

[Ariii]

Haha I hope people don't mind me just using this place as a place to just think through things. Since writing out my thoughts help like clarify them for me.

Anyways, there's a lot of examples of this. There's a main one I'm thinking of though. Last year, there was a guy who just started to try to befriend me. It's 100% because I'm really shy, and at the time ahd zero friends. Anyways, I was too retarded to actually hold a conversation, and I'm not sure, something about him made me nervous, probably how absolutely insanely extroverted he was. I did try, but I would jsut freeze up, and he was constantly talking to other ppl too, so I didn't want to interrupt. We saw each other in public pretty often, and he'd always be like "Hey Ari! What's up" and I'd jsut wave back. I wanted to talk to him, but he was always with his friends.

Anyways, this went on for a year, and he just gave up. Lol. I don't blame him at all, it was completely reasonable , I'm actually really touched by how hard he tried and how long. I think part of it was he thought I was trying to avoid him, which would make sense from his perspective even if it wasn't actually that.

The last two times we said hi, it was me initiating, and he did not look happy lol, like at all.

So I stopped bc I didn't want to bother him, and now we just ignore eachother, have been for 3 months+

I feel so bad, he was such a nice guy and I kinda just stonewalled him. Honestly, he was the first person who has gone out of his way to actively try to become friends with me, most of my friends are through proximity or my efforts. Im just kinda sad/guilty that I was so rude to him.

As much as I'd like to start talking to him again, I feel like it'd be weird. And given how he looked the last two times, I think it's joever

 

[bankai]

I know what you're talking about. I'm pretty introverted too. People will talk to me and I will give them one word answers. It does come off as rude. I know it does, even when I respond. However, not trying to be rude. Being rude is a byproduct of being introverted.

 

[getoutgirl]

I feel that. Thanks for writing though, it does help.

I've done that to waaaaaaay too much to waaaay too nice people that definetly did not deserve that. It doesn't help that I had mostly okayish days and uber-introvert dontalktomeIbite days basically on a whim. Last year also I remember I met a cute and very kind guitarrist at a concert, and we talked nice and he invited me the next day to a rehersal and have some drinks with the band. Well the next day I went there. And I didn't say a word. I stayed with them for like 2 hours in complete silence, went to a bar with them an all, just me and them, a barrage of weird looks like whothefuckisthis and I just couldn't muster anything, and I couldn't leave cos it'd be rude. I gave short answers, nodded at a profesional level, tried to evolve invisibility through brute force, Then left by the end and never talked to the guy again who probably thought I was a freak.
That's just an anecdote I wanted to share lol.

When you find it difficult to communicate it can help to communicate at least that. That you are introverted and get shy at times, and that you don't intend to be rude even if it seems like. Its vulnerable but It can be better than giving the wrong impression, and the other person can take that into account and behave accordingly and better for the two.
It still kind of sucks I feel you on that one
hugs <3

 

[Pale_Rider]

I have been through this countless times as my fear kicks in. My protector will come out, and alienate people, or my little might come out. And really alienate them! Best to just keep a distance. That's just what I do. Not saying it's effective, just what I have to do. People are such animals.

 

[hang in there]

I feel so literally invisible to everyone I am always shocked when someone tries to talk to me. I look around everywhere for who they're trying to address and I am just speechless when they say "yes, you"
People have waved to me on the street trying to be friendly and I just stare at them like a freak as I walk past because there is no fucking way possible they mean to wave to me, nobody knows I exist and if they did they would not want anything to do with me

 

[Subhumano]

yes, i have no social skills whatsoever, I feel bad when people are nice to me but I cant be nice back to them

 

[whywere]

2 aspects here to consider:

1) Nothing ventured, nothing gained

2) Conversation.

Now no matter the perceived notion on a person's reaction, if one really wants to get to know someone, one foot in front of the other and go up, and if he is with others, quietly and kindly ask if you can talk to him alone and take him aside.

After talking with him for a bit of time, let the conversation flow naturally and see where it goes.

One of the worst things in life is: would have. should have, could have.

Way back in the 1970's, I liked this one gal and spent like a year or so trying to get the nerve up to say howdy and one night in a local bar, I just went up said hello and asked if I could join her. Found out that she liked me, but was too shy and nervous to approach me, like I was with her. We had a great relationship till she left the country that we lived in and moved across borders, and I did not have to money to follow. BUT, when I remember it now days, I get a smile and thank myself for taking that 1st step.

Next time you two are together, pull him aside and talk to him, you might be very surprised.

Lots of caring and kind thoughts and hopefully you two will be having the opportunity to watch a beautiful sunset together, just so lovely.

Walter

 

[Ariii]

2 aspects here to consider:

1) Nothing ventured, nothing gained

2) Conversation.

Now no matter the perceived notion on a person's reaction, if one really wants to get to know someone, one foot in front of the other and go up, and if he is with others, quietly and kindly ask if you can talk to him alone and take him aside.

After talking with him for a bit of time, let the conversation flow naturally and see where it goes.

One of the worst things in life is: would have. should have, could have.

Way back in the 1970's, I liked this one gal and spent like a year or so trying to get the nerve up to say howdy and one night in a local bar, I just went up said hello and asked if I could join her. Found out that she liked me, but was too shy and nervous to approach me, like I was with her. We had a great relationship till she left the country that we lived in and moved across borders, and I did not have to money to follow. BUT, when I remember it now days, I get a smile and thank myself for taking that 1st step.

Next time you two are together, pull him aside and talk to him, you might be very surprised.

Lots of caring and kind thoughts and hopefully you two will be having the opportunity to watch a beautiful sunset together, just so lovely.

Walter

Thank you! Ill try my best haha your words really helped

 

[whywere]

Thank you! Ill try my best haha your words really helped

You ARE a caring and kind soul and one step at a time, and you WILL do great.

Remember that perceived ideas are just that.

I was younger one time and I will tell you this aspect. Now looking back through the decades, there were times that I wished that I had stepped up and took a chance instead of taking a step backwards. I missed out on experiences because of that, and when I read your post, THAT is what struck me about your situation.

I with all my heart do not want you to look back in decades to come and think, "gee I wonder?", THAT happens to me every once in a while, when I think of a gal that I liked BUT was way too chicken to walk over and say howdy!

I REALLY do care about you and there is nothing more in this life that would put a smile on my face then to know that you are happy.

You are a wonderful person,

Walter