Story My sister unfriended me on social media, and won’t answer my calls.

[Anxieyote]

I deleted my Facebook account a long time ago, because it felt very inauthentic and fake to me. I couldn't fully express myself on there, because I was followed by friends and family who knew me in real life. My true thoughts were always kept in check because I knew they were watching.

So I created a Snapchat account where I used a fake name and never posted my face. This was freeing in a way that I can't fully describe, but over the years, I have used this account to vent and express my truest, darkest feelings (a suicidal person has a lot of those).

I started gaining a huge following, and as of now, I have around 100-150 people adding me as a friend on a daily basis. The account is public, which means that anyone can view or add me if they know the account name, or if they are in my phone contacts.

It wasn't hard for my sister to connect the dots. The account undoubtedly popped up as a recommendation under my name, and she discovered it that way.

I know she saw my posts, because she popped up in the "other Snapchatters" section where you can see who's been looking at your posts.

You might be thinking to yourself—how bad are these posts that you wouldn't want your friends or family to see them under any circumstances? Well…

I am not proud to admit this, but I have fabricated or exaggerated details about events that have happened in my life in order to make the posts hit harder on an emotional level, or to shock people into sharing them with their friends. I never use real names, so no one's reputation is being dragged through the mud. But I have made nasty comments about my mother (who cheated on my father), and said things like "God will not look favorably on what she has done to our family" and "she will be greeted warmly at the gates of hell"; dramatic statements like that.

Most of it is for shock value, but my true feelings are also expressed in very candid and blunt ways that come across as very insensitive. There really is no filter on any of it, which is why I never show my face on the account.

Well, she found it. I think she is the only member of my family who has seen the posts I have made, but she is probably the person who is most important to me.

In my most recent posts, there was one about how I resent both of my parents for trying to mold me into an image of themselves while I was growing up, and that I don't feel obligated to please either of them anymore after they "destroyed the family unit" with the divorce. She probably never knew I felt that way, and seeing me say mean things about them was probably a shock to say the least. I have been very polite and understanding about the divorce in real-life conversations, and I haven't acted bothered about it.

This is almost the equivalent of someone stumbling onto your personal diary entries. That's how I have been using it anyway, for the last several years.

I'm really not sure how to approach her about this. She blocked my account, because I can't message her on Snapchat. She's also not replying to my texts or phone calls.

And when I do get ahold of her, I'm not sure the "it was just a joke" excuse will fly, because it just looks like airing dirty laundry—there was no punchline.

I really wish she hadn't seen it, but I wouldn't get the amount of followers that I do if I kept the account private, and the only way I can block a specific user from seeing the snaps is if their username shows up under the people who view them—and I have no way of knowing when a friend or family member is going to stumble across what I say, so there's no way to know when to censor myself, and when not to.

Snapchat has been a valuable outlet for me, and having thousands of people view what you say is a great feeling, especially for someone as lonely as I am. I can say my true thoughts and be heard, even if it's in a parasocial way.

 

[ClairyFairy]

Tell her it's the only way you can behave normally in real life and she should try it herself so she can be freed by it. Get out the mindset you've done something wrong you haven't. If your sister feels that weakness though she'll pounce on it

 

[Anxieyote]

Tell her it's the only way you can behave normally in real life and she should try it herself so she can be freed by it. Get out the mindset you've done something wrong you haven't. If your sister feels that weakness though she'll pounce on it

It reminds me of the NPC meme.

"Hello fellow human, you are not acting in accordance to standard human protocols. Please refrain from expressing yourself in such a way that inspires discomfort in your fellow human counterparts."

I have no doubt she has been following strict social scripts for most of her life—she was raised by my parents, after all.

I think people forget that unregulated thoughts exist; or at least they're taught to be ashamed of them, and not to say them out loud.

It also reminds me of the time Redditors collectively scolded a woman for admitting that she wished she had an abortion because she knew she wasn't cut out to be a mother, but her family pressured her to keep the baby. While she was visiting the Grand Canyon, she admitted that the thought of throwing her baby off a cliff crossed her mind.

"But killing baby bad, no no, shame on you >:("

I had similarly nasty thoughts after my parent's divorce. I'm sure other people do too, but they either keep those thoughts to themselves, or tell their therapist in private sessions. Because we rarely hear other people's unregulated stream of consciousness, we forget that we are all capable of vile and antisocial thoughts; most of them just get filtered out.

This is the first time my sister has been exposed to my unfiltered thoughts, and it's probably a lot to take in.

 

[Makko]

Things like that upset people not so much because you have true feelings but because of the dishonesty aspect. Your sister discovered that you've been lying to her about important things, and moreover that you're also lying to your followers by exaggerating the facts (double dishonesty). Now that she has seen this her perception of you will change and you can't undo this because you can't make her unsee your posts. You can only own your real opinions and the reasons why you couldn't be honest in the past.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I think a lot depends on how your sister views the family unit. My own sister doesn't have much loyalty towards our parents - as children we often bonded over the ways they screwed up and how goofy we perceived them to be. In retrospect they really didn't do things all that terribly, but we didn't know any better at the time - it was just a way to have a laugh and find common ground.

Do you think she sees this as a betrayal on your part? If so then I'm not sure there's much you can do beyond wait it out and give her time. She may eventually come around and be willing to talk to you about it (on her own terms). In the meantime, I wouldn't push things and just leave it all alone if possible.

 

[Anxieyote]

Things like that upset people not so much because you have true feelings but because of the dishonesty aspect. Your sister discovered that you've been lying to her about important things, and moreover that you're also lying to your followers by exaggerating the facts (double dishonesty). Now that she has seen this her perception of you will change and you can't undo this because you can't make her unsee your posts. You can only own your real opinions and the reasons why you couldn't be honest in the past.

The worst part is not being able to take back your thoughts once they are out in the open. The only thing you can really do at that point is damage control, and wait for time to erase their memories.

I guess it's good to know that I'm playing with fire now. You really do have to choose your words carefully in this world.

 

[Makko]

The worst part is not being able to take back your thoughts once they are out in the open. The only thing you can really do at that point is damage control, and wait for time to erase their memories.

I guess it's good to know that I'm playing with fire now. You really do have to choose your words carefully in this world.

I'm not sure what you expected. From your post it reads like you made a poorly disguised blog about publicly denouncing your family and got thousands of people to read it. Did you really think no one you know was going to notice? How was this a surprise?

 

[Misery99]

I deleted my Facebook account a long time ago, because it felt very inauthentic and fake to me. I couldn't fully express myself on there, because I was followed by friends and family who knew me in real life. My true thoughts were always kept in check because I knew they were watching.

So I created a Snapchat account where I used a fake name and never posted my face. This was freeing in a way that I can't fully describe, but over the years, I have used this account to vent and express my truest, darkest feelings (a suicidal person has a lot of those).

I started gaining a huge following, and as of now, I have around 100-150 people adding me as a friend on a daily basis. The account is public, which means that anyone can view or add me if they know the account name, or if they are in my phone contacts.

It wasn't hard for my sister to connect the dots. The account undoubtedly popped up as a recommendation under my name, and she discovered it that way.

I know she saw my posts, because she popped up in the "other Snapchatters" section where you can see who's been looking at your posts.

You might be thinking to yourself—how bad are these posts that you wouldn't want your friends or family to see them under any circumstances? Well…

I am not proud to admit this, but I have fabricated or exaggerated details about events that have happened in my life in order to make the posts hit harder on an emotional level, or to shock people into sharing them with their friends. I never use real names, so no one's reputation is being dragged through the mud. But I have made nasty comments about my mother (who cheated on my father), and said things like "God will not look favorably on what she has done to our family" and "she will be greeted warmly at the gates of hell"; dramatic statements like that.

Most of it is for shock value, but my true feelings are also expressed in very candid and blunt ways that come across as very insensitive. There really is no filter on any of it, which is why I never show my face on the account.

Well, she found it. I think she is the only member of my family who has seen the posts I have made, but she is probably the person who is most important to me.

In my most recent posts, there was one about how I resent both of my parents for trying to mold me into an image of themselves while I was growing up, and that I don't feel obligated to please either of them anymore after they "destroyed the family unit" with the divorce. She probably never knew I felt that way, and seeing me say mean things about them was probably a shock to say the least. I have been very polite and understanding about the divorce in real-life conversations, and I haven't acted bothered about it.

This is almost the equivalent of someone stumbling onto your personal diary entries. That's how I have been using it anyway, for the last several years.

I'm really not sure how to approach her about this. She blocked my account, because I can't message her on Snapchat. She's also not replying to my texts or phone calls.

And when I do get ahold of her, I'm not sure the "it was just a joke" excuse will fly, because it just looks like airing dirty laundry—there was no punchline.

I really wish she hadn't seen it, but I wouldn't get the amount of followers that I do if I kept the account private, and the only way I can block a specific user from seeing the snaps is if their username shows up under the people who view them—and I have no way of knowing when a friend or family member is going to stumble across what I say, so there's no way to know when to censor myself, and when not to.

Snapchat has been a valuable outlet for me, and having thousands of people view what you say is a great feeling, especially for someone as lonely as I am. I can say my true thoughts and be heard, even if it's in a parasocial way.

I witnessed my mom cheating on my dad too. Not once but several times. I grew up with that secret since I was a child and I'm pretty sure that it messed up my mind. It's a big reason for who I am today. But whenever I mention it, my mom act like she's the victim and does fake crying.She should have been grateful that I didn't reveal my dad about her extramarital sexual affairs. Instead, she tries to act like she's the victim. When in reality, It's me who's the victim.

 

[Anxieyote]

I'm not sure what you expected. From your post it reads like you made a poorly disguised blog about publicly denouncing your family and got thousands of people to read it. Did you really think no one you know was going to notice? How was this a surprise?

At the time I made the account, none of my family members had Snapchat. And since I wasn't using anyone's actual names in the posts, I figured it would be extremely unlikely any of them would ever see it, or know it was me if it happened to get shared elsewhere.

But I overlooked the fact that these social media apps do the whole "Look who else in your contacts is using Snapchat!!!" when you download these apps. So I think my only oversight was not using a fake phone number.

 

[Grav]

I'll echo what others have said: let her be and when she's ready to interact with you she will. Depending on her view of the family dynamic and memories you may/may not have given her a big shock and that takes time to process. I think the exaggerating part is going to be the hardest especially if she can pinpoint the time/act; that may be viewed as lying and it's tougher to explain. It makes sense that some events were made more dramatic for followers but that also looks self-serving and there's not really a good way of saying "hey I was just fluffing things up". Having a different view on your parent's divorce might not be so hard for her since that seems more reliant on how you view a situation. If it was me I'd let sleeping dogs lie and wait for her, granted it could be years or never.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I witnessed my mom cheating on my dad too. Not once but several times. I grew up with that secret since I was a child and I'm pretty sure that it messed up my mind. It's a big reason for who I am today. But whenever I mention it, my mom act like she's the victim and does fake crying.She should have been grateful that I didn't reveal my dad about her extramarital sexual affairs. Instead, she tries to act like she's the victim. When in reality, It's me who's the victim.

This happened to my sister's. I got sexuslly abused. I really don't know what's worse. She's so messed up. I'm sorry this shitty thing happened to you x