• Hey Guest,

    An update on the OFCOM situation: As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. OFCOM, the UK’s communications regulator, has singled out our community, demanding compliance with their Online Safety Act despite our minimal UK presence. This is a blatant overreach, and they have been sending letters pressuring us to comply with their censorship agenda.

    Our platform is already blocked by many UK ISPs, yet they continue their attempts to stifle free speech. Standing up to this kind of regulatory overreach requires lots of resources to maintain our infrastructure and fight back against these unjust demands. If you value our community and want to support us during this time, we would greatly appreciate any and all donations.

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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
5,694
I am even sick to talk about it. Lol.

So college is a living nightmare I study part-time and I am at halftime of my bachelor. It is useless. I tried to work and I never will be able to work. I know that. College destroyed my mental health even more. It was torture on a daily basis. I live in Germany and I get extra money from a nursing care insurance. Together with unemployment benefits it could be enough to live for me. It is a big gamble but probably has better prospects than continuing this torture with no prospects of anything. I was so paranoid when I went to college. I had psychosis in the past.


I finished everything on my bucket list except being in a relationship. I am 27 and never was in one. While studying I barely could communicate with women without becoming paranoid because the college stress was too much.

Theoretically I am still in college. And I lie to most peers that I would continue college soon. I dated two women this year and pretended that I would still aim to finish college. Sometimes I am or was ambivalent about continuing. But it is more of a thought if I found a medication that works as good as benzos then I would be able to continue college. It is more a naive wish for a miracle. It makes my guilty conscience for lying less.

The woman I was dating a few months ago wanted children. I don't want children and I doubt that unemployment and my insurance money is enough for a family. Tbf she will have a master degree and earn a lot of money.

I am talking to my new therapist. And she wants to nudge me into the direction that I need an employment. I think the thinks unemployment will be a huge issue to find a partner. I can see where she is coming from. However, not being able to communicate with women because of love delusions/love paranoia seems to be an even bigger obstacle than unemployment. Not all women want a family (immediately). It is a game abouit percentages. And I think continuing college is simply not worth it. I cannot find anyone if I cannot communicate with them in real life.

I don't have many chores. My parents provide me way enough money to live. They will keep working the next 3 years. Then money will be an issue. Today I talked with my mom about college. And she told me she thinks it is better not to continue college. And this leaves me really with a guilty conscience. I highly value that statement of her. She prioritizes my health over college something she never did before. I was surprised. She is not even aware how close I was to kill myself in April 2024. In April college re-starts for me a very critical time period. My dad instead pressures me despite the fact he knows how suicidal I was.

I have good friends. My mental health is horrendous. But the only thing I lack is a relationship. But if I kill myself the likelihood does not get better to find someone. Lol. It is too early to kill yourself with 27 for never been in a relationship with no prospect to find someone?

I am not popular on dating apps. But two women in my self-help group seemed to be interested in me. And I got some honest compliments by some female members of that group.

One of my biggest suicide fuels. What do I tell these people in my self-help group? I don't enroll in any courses 3 consecutive semesters in a row. I cannot say that. But I really enjoy the group. I think my only answer is lying to them. And in case I come close to someone I tell them the truth. But I really don't know. I am texting with someone of this group. This house of cards could easily fall apart. But is committing suicide really the better option? I am really sick of life. But while having close to zero responsibility living from one day to the next life seems temporarily managable.
 
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Hvergelmir

Arcanist
May 5, 2024
446
If you don't know why or if you want to study, I too think you're better off, not. Pick ut up again if you need it, and have the energy to commit.
Learning to enable yourself to do something is great. Stressing yourself out to obtain some degree is not.

I'd look out for jobs that I'd deem acceptable. You could look for half time jobs, or some niche interesting ones. If you're willing to live off unemployment benefits, you could even consider unpaid ones, for yourself or the greater good. If some extra money is desirable you could take something temporary, and just suffer through it.
I might be stretching the definition of a "job" here, but simply put, look for something worth your time.

If you do something valuable, some will appreciate it. That includes potential partners.
Right now you're attracting people who appreciate and respect your determination to finish college. If that's not what you intend to do, you're attracting the wrong attention, and the wrong expectations.

Dropping out of school is quite common. There's no reason to cover it up.
[Edit: I meant to write no reason]
 
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