Help My SN expired a month ago, but I plan to take it next week, w/out meto. Shall I take it in a hotel, or in the comfort of my room (I don't live alone)?

[MorsVoluntaria]

Hi everyone. I've been on this forum for almost 6 years, and before, I was on the subreddit until it was banned. I'm mostly a lurker, so please tell me if anything in my post breaks the rules, and I will immediately edit it out.

I ordered SN from a very popular online marketplace in the States in July 2021. 500 grams, ACS grade, with assay/purity of 97-102%. Although a small amount may have degraded by now, I've never opened the plastic container it came in, and I have kept the container in a cool, dry place, in a ziplock bag to hopefully prevent additional moisture from getting in. According to this post, and with my limited chemical knowledge, SN is a relatively stable compound, despite it's advertised expiration dates. So, I hope that it should be still effective enough, with the amount that I will take, to get the job done. But if anyone else thinks otherwise for whatever reason, please share your thoughts.

Right now, I plan to book a hotel next week, for two nights and take the SN on the first night and hope that there will be enough time, so I won't be discovered too early to be "rescued". I plan to take it late at night around 1-3AM. But mainly, I am scared that the hotel staff will be suspicious of a lone young female booking a room. Of course, I will put up a mask and try to not look obviously "down/depressed". Anyone have additional tips to not seem suspicious to hotel staff?

I'm currently a grad student at an R1 university, but I'm pretty sure I may be kicked out of my program or forced to 'master out' after this quarter. I could easily take home some sodium azide or chloroform (not that lethal imo) from my lab, but that seems less pleasant than SN, although I read here that SA is less reversible. I'm considering the option of taking the SN in my student housing, where I currently reside, so I'll be more comfortable and in a familiar environment compared to a hotel room. But I do have flatmates, and I'm worried that they will hear something and knock on my door or report me.

I am also considering going home, to my childhood room, where I would feel most comfortable and at peace, and I would be able to say goodbye to my pets. But, my parents would likely be traumatized to discover my body if I succeed. Or they may hear something and interfere. And of course, if I die in their house, it may lower their property values. So I mostly have crossed this option out. If you were in a similar situation, would you agree a hotel room is the safest option?

I plan on fasting for 12 or 24 hours, then prepare 2 or 3 glasses of 25g of SN. I will hide some SN somewhere if I don't succeed and need to try again later. I plan on taking acetaminophen in case I get headaches. I also have trazodone, but I'm not sure if I should take it to help me fall asleep. I could order some dramamine from Amazon, but I'm not sure if I'd really need it, since I read on here that meto is mainly to help the SN get into the small intestine.

If I fail with SN and lose access, I will probably resort to partial hanging or jumping.

Edit: Also, I'm an alcoholic. Do you guys think it would be ok for me to take 1-3 shots of vodka before I take the SN? Alcohol usually doesn't make me vomit, even if I drink 10+ shots in 5 hours. On average, I've been lately having 13 shots of vodka a day.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

If you were in a similar situation, would you agree a hotel room is the safest option?

Imo, yes. A hotel room would be the best option in this case. Whatever you decide to do I wish you good luck and I hope you find peace!

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

If it were me, I'd chose the hotel.

I'm sorry you're suffering. I hope you find peace.

 

[MorsVoluntaria]

Imo, yes. A hotel room would be the best option in this case. Whatever you decide to do I wish you good luck and I hope you find peace!

If it were me, I'd chose the hotel.

I'm sorry you're suffering. I hope you find peace.

thank you for sharing your thoughts @Praestat_Mori and @NearlyIrrelevantCake and I agree. I've been planning this for weeks now, but thinking about it for years.

I'm just tired of pushing and fighting myself every day to do the things I need to do to succeed, and still failing somehow sometimes. I first planned to leave this world around 6 years ago, but never had concrete plans at that time. Now I have a location, method, and date.

Although I always believed there was just darkness/no consciousness after death, I am a bit scared. Like what if I could still see what happens to my body after I die. Autopsies always creeped me out. I plan on being cremated.

Imo, yes. A hotel room would be the best option in this case. Whatever you decide to do I wish you good luck and I hope you find peace!

Also @Praestat_Mori I remember a few months back, you commented on one of my rare posts about my Latin username. I just remember that username. I just wanted to share that I remember you as a user on this forum and wish you well!

 

[willow115]

Hotel staff won't care. I've booked many rooms as a lone, depressed looking younger woman.

SN can cause noise from vomiting and agonal breathing as you die. I wouldn't do it in student housing or at your parents house. I personally would go to the hotel.

 

[MorsVoluntaria]

I'm honestly a bit sad that I have to die alone, in an unfamiliar hotel room. But I guess it is what it is. And, if I truly want to succeed, I should not even hint at what I plan to do to people around me.

Hotel staff won't care. I've booked many rooms as a lone, depressed looking younger woman.

SN can cause noise from vomiting and agonal breathing as you die. I wouldn't do it in student housing or at your parents house. I personally would go to the hotel.

Thank you! I'm just worried they'll think I'm a prostitute or something, but I'm pretty sure that's just trauma from my last relationship. But also, they may suspect I'm planning to kill myself, but hopefully that's rare enough. If they ask, I'll just say that I'm in the city for a research conference or lab interview.

Yes, grad housing at my uni has extremely thin walls and I'm pretty sure my flatmates suspect me of being mentally unwell. So it is best elsewhere. And also especially since I don't want my mother to find my blue and cold body.

I am also bulimic, so I hope that doesn't interfere since I am so used to vomiting. But I always need to put fingers down my throat.

 

[rozeske]

Unless you will have difficulty to function without the vodka, it's best avoided. Even if you are used to it not making you sick, your body still sees it as poison and added to the main poison it might aid in vomiting.
I also feel highly comfortable to the idea of doing it in my bedroom but the thought of what it would do to my loved ones is what gives me pause. A potential few moments of anxiety and discomfort is less in comparison to the long term truma it might cause them, not to mention the memory they will relate to the room. I am running through every scenario of what the hotel stuff might ask me and what I would answer, coming up with every possible answer for why I'll be carrying the stuff in my bag incase they request to check, even though it's highly unlikely, is what's helping ease some of my anxiety.

 

[Adûnâi]

I'm just tired of pushing and fighting myself every day to do the things I need to do to succeed, and still failing somehow sometimes. I first planned to leave this world around 6 years ago, but never had concrete plans at that time. Now I have a location, method, and date.

I understand the cultural attitudes here, so apologies, but I'd like to ask - do you have arguments against waiting for Kurzweil's dreams of AGI singularity and the longevity escape velocity, possibly/probably both this decade? Because AGI is kind of my reason to live. Although I don't know your conditions.

On the topic, I've had the impression that fasting for 12 hours is longer than in the regimen? More knowledgeable people might correct me.

Although I always believed there was just darkness/no consciousness after death, I am a bit scared. Like what if I could still see what happens to my body after I die. Autopsies always creeped me out. I plan on being cremated.

Yeah, the greatest mystery. Don't we "die" every time we go to sleep? But do we "wake up" after death? Or is there "we" at all? Imagine if it's just another life. Or maybe life in a different plane of existence?

Still, I dunno, I'd only proceed if either suffering or under immediate threat, because we could be the first generation to live forever. But then again, everyone else has died, so wouldn't it be rude? Also, really curious what happens, so it's all ultimately fine (?).

 

[Valhala]

Everything you wrote is OK except for alcohol, it would be best to avoid it because of the effectiveness of the method itself. I wish you all the best and a peaceful departure if you finally decide to do it.

 

[BeijaFlor]

i've also been considering either SN or partial hanging/jumping.

altho SN kinda creeps me out abit, due to the time it takes to CTB n, whatever might be going on in the brain during such time...

thats really my only concern since, aside that, it does seem like the less stressful n safest option

as for anybody nearby hearing any noises, yeah it could happen i think, i've read afew cases here of possible "death rattles", loud/fast breathing, spams. (not 100% on it tho, just remember reading about it.)

so maybe, even at a hotel room people might wanna know whats happening? depending how loud it is

i live by myself, its easier but, i still worry about neighbors so, ill just let a playlist going on a soundbox near me, idk.

oh, another thing... i've also read some accounts for how bad SN tastes like, n people trying to mitigate it n, i've thought of something; a straw.

at least it should help geting it down faster, possibly avoiding some of the tongues taste buds? *shrugs*

but yeah... it sucks when we just wanna be by ourselves, surrounded by familiar things n places during our final moment but, circunstances may not even allow us that much, if we're trying to avoid unecessary trauma towards loved ones, or simply trying to make sure we wont get rescued. *sighs*