Story My SN has Arrived, and I'm feeling great right now

[MinrathousGallus]

Unfortunately I had to postponed it until early February due to some family issues, my Mum is currently working overseas and I just got a call that she's going to come back home on February, I know I hate her but I don't want to leave her grieving alone in a foreign country. So knowing about her planned departure, it'd be best for me to at least let her land safely first to lessen the grief.

But anyway, Is it normal to feel like this? I know I had to delayed it for few months, my plan was on 2nd January and I wished I could go sooner. But with the exit plan already on my hand I feel oddly relaxed, euphoric, great and weird at the same time right now. I've also finished my notes, my short autobiography, my wills and some letters to my friends & family. So I'm pretty much already made the peace with dying. I don't even fear death anymore, but the opposite, I'm actually looking forward into it, optimistically.

Optimistically as in curious, like I always been a curious type, and what comes after death is the eternal mystery for humankind, and you know what else is mysterious? It's the outer space, with countless worlds and stars waiting to be discovered someday- and I love space, it's always been my dream to explore them one day. But yeah, death is apparently closer to me than whatever lies beyond the skies. So might just explore that way lol.

Those are probably just a way for me to cope lololol, and yes it does sounds childish. But I'll take anything to give me courage :3 For Now I could only hope that this feeling won't go away until my day come, because I've never felt this happy before in my life.

And I'm sorry for sharing my weird euphoria here. I just feel like I want to talk about it, but don't know where. Soo if you're reading this, thank you soo much for listening to me :3 And forgive me for any grammar mistakes, I'm not a native speaker.

 

[yearofluigi]

Nah I get it! It must be such a relief to know you have a way out.

 

[fade_to_black_71]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for
and have a painles CBT

 

[FuneralCry]

I imagine it must be a relief to feel more at peace, I wish you the best.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Optimistically as in curious, like I always been a curious type, and what comes after death is the eternal mystery for humankind, and you know what else is mysterious? It's the outer space, with countless worlds and stars waiting to be discovered someday- and I love space, it's always been my dream to explore them one day. But yeah, death is apparently closer to me than whatever lies beyond the skies. So might just explore that way lol.

wow wow. you put something I have said aloud to a specific few, that they are solving / exploring the greatest mystery that is dying. I have and do feel similar feelings.

thank you for your post. it makes sense completely! at least I get it. knowing that you finally have control. happy you were able to find and attain what was needed

 

[dontwakemeup]

Does having it now make you reconsider your plans? I ask because I watched a documentary about assisted suicide. They followed a few people during the process and by the end I think they all decided to wait for various reasons. Either way, it must be comforting to know you have the ability to leave when you're ready. I really wish you the best and happy for you.

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

It must be a relief to have it available. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

 

[MinrathousGallus]

Does having it now make you reconsider your plans? I ask because I watched a documentary about assisted suicide. They followed a few people during the process and by the end I think they all decided to wait for various reasons. Either way, it must be comforting to know you have the ability to leave when you're ready. I really wish you the best and happy for you.

Nope, my plan is already concreted by the time I ordered my SN and finished my notes :3

the only hindrance would be the delay because of my Mum's sudden call, and it came before I ordered the SN, so otherwise there's nothing holding me back anymore.

and thank you so much :3

 

[dontwakemeup]

Nope, my plan is already concreted by the time I ordered my SN and finished my notes :3

the only hindrance would be the delay because of my Mum's sudden call, and it came before I ordered the SN, so otherwise there's nothing holding me back anymore.

and thank you so much :3

You're so lucky!! I wish you a safe journey whenever you decide to go

 

[stella68]

Sfortunatamente ho dovuto posticipare a inizio febbraio a causa di alcuni problemi familiari, mia mamma al momento lavora all'estero e ho appena ricevuto una chiamata che mi ha detto che tornerà a casa a febbraio, so che la odio ma non voglio lasciarla sola a soffrire in un paese straniero. Quindi, sapendo della sua partenza programmata, sarebbe meglio per me almeno lasciarla atterrare sana e salva prima per alleviare il dolore.

Ma comunque, è normale sentirsi così? So che ho dovuto rimandare di qualche mese, il mio piano era il 2 gennaio e avrei voluto andarmene prima. Ma con il piano di uscita già in mano mi sento stranamente rilassato, euforico, fantastico e strano allo stesso tempo in questo momento. Ho anche finito i miei appunti, la mia breve autobiografia, i miei testamenti e alcune lettere ai miei amici e familiari. Quindi ho praticamente già fatto pace con la morte. Non ho nemmeno più paura della morte, ma al contrario, la sto effettivamente guardando avanti, con ottimismo.

Ottimisticamente come in curioso, come se fossi sempre stato un tipo curioso, e ciò che viene dopo la morte è l'eterno mistero per l'umanità, e sai cos'altro è misterioso? È lo spazio esterno, con innumerevoli mondi e stelle che aspettano di essere scoperti un giorno, e adoro lo spazio, è sempre stato il mio sogno esplorarli un giorno. Ma sì, la morte è apparentemente più vicina a me di qualsiasi cosa si trovi oltre i cieli. Quindi potrei semplicemente esplorare in quel modo lol.

Probabilmente sono solo un modo per me di affrontare lololol, e sì, sembra infantile. Ma accetterei qualsiasi cosa per darmi coraggio :3 Per ora posso solo sperare che questa sensazione non se ne vada fino a quando non arriverà il mio giorno, perché non mi sono mai sentito così felice prima in vita mia.

E mi dispiace condividere qui la mia strana euforia. Mi sento come se volessi parlarne, ma non so dove. Quindi se stai leggendo questo, grazie mille per avermi ascoltato :3 E perdonami per eventuali errori grammaticali, non sono madrelingua.

Spero tu possa trovare la pace che cerchi. Sei stato bravo a trovare SN senza farti fregare.
Spero tu possa trovare la pace che cerchi. Sei stato bravo a trovare SN senza farti fregare.