thatguyakira123
Experienced
- Apr 10, 2018
- 217
Dear Mom,
I love you, always remember that. You are not the reason why I did this. I do not blame you but I hate being alive. The reason why I chose to die is becuase of my mind as well as other real world factors. I have Clinical Depression and Genenral Anxiety Disorder. I develpoed this after years of mental and physical abuse at the hands of my brother. Becuase of my mental Ilnesses, I was very socially akward in school and was bullied allot, thus making it worse. My brother continues to be the same way and that combined with the betrayal of people who claim to be my friends in the past made things worse for me. And I have a hard time holding down a job. So my future is bleak. I either I stay alive and wait until you die to either be put in a mental institution or on the road or find true peace. This was the only way for me to make it out of here.
The reason why I chose not to seek professional help is becuase of how the mental health system treated my dad. So it was either get worse on the drugs they gave him or slowly get worse on my own. I chose the latter. To cope I developed a non drug related addiction. I am done with fighting it alone, I am done with fighing my mental illness alone, I am done with living in the same home as that abuser. I am done with being alone with no one to relate to on things I love or hate. No one to talk to on my level about what I am going through. I just feel so numb and so far gone. The only time I feel a glimpse of true happyness is when a skate but when I'm done it's back to the voices in my head. I've hurt you and I am sorry. But you have your family and friends to fall back on. Your family cares about you and Dad's family cares about Dad and my brother. As I am gay and an atheist I have no one in the family to find common grounds with. Hell even back when I use to pretend to be invested in their opinions, no one looked out for me, except for you, but even then so we don't have common grounds.
And becuase of this country's mentality towards Indians, Gays, Metalheads and Atheists and my Social Anxiety it's difficult to make and keep true friends. I know I could pretend to be none of those things. I could pretend to be ok. But I rather be myself than someone I'm not. And I'm so sick of pretending that I'm ok. Please take good care of yourself. Now that I am gone, you can finaly move out. Get away from Adi before it's too late. Take care of the puppies as well. I have always told them to look after you and protect you when I'm gone. Even if you decide to move, take them with you.
So I guess this is goodbye. Don't be sad, I finally have ture peace and happyness. To qoute some words from one of my favorate song, "Just let me go, let the ocean take me, the ocean will be my new home". I am sorry mom, I love you.
I love you, always remember that. You are not the reason why I did this. I do not blame you but I hate being alive. The reason why I chose to die is becuase of my mind as well as other real world factors. I have Clinical Depression and Genenral Anxiety Disorder. I develpoed this after years of mental and physical abuse at the hands of my brother. Becuase of my mental Ilnesses, I was very socially akward in school and was bullied allot, thus making it worse. My brother continues to be the same way and that combined with the betrayal of people who claim to be my friends in the past made things worse for me. And I have a hard time holding down a job. So my future is bleak. I either I stay alive and wait until you die to either be put in a mental institution or on the road or find true peace. This was the only way for me to make it out of here.
The reason why I chose not to seek professional help is becuase of how the mental health system treated my dad. So it was either get worse on the drugs they gave him or slowly get worse on my own. I chose the latter. To cope I developed a non drug related addiction. I am done with fighting it alone, I am done with fighing my mental illness alone, I am done with living in the same home as that abuser. I am done with being alone with no one to relate to on things I love or hate. No one to talk to on my level about what I am going through. I just feel so numb and so far gone. The only time I feel a glimpse of true happyness is when a skate but when I'm done it's back to the voices in my head. I've hurt you and I am sorry. But you have your family and friends to fall back on. Your family cares about you and Dad's family cares about Dad and my brother. As I am gay and an atheist I have no one in the family to find common grounds with. Hell even back when I use to pretend to be invested in their opinions, no one looked out for me, except for you, but even then so we don't have common grounds.
And becuase of this country's mentality towards Indians, Gays, Metalheads and Atheists and my Social Anxiety it's difficult to make and keep true friends. I know I could pretend to be none of those things. I could pretend to be ok. But I rather be myself than someone I'm not. And I'm so sick of pretending that I'm ok. Please take good care of yourself. Now that I am gone, you can finaly move out. Get away from Adi before it's too late. Take care of the puppies as well. I have always told them to look after you and protect you when I'm gone. Even if you decide to move, take them with you.
So I guess this is goodbye. Don't be sad, I finally have ture peace and happyness. To qoute some words from one of my favorate song, "Just let me go, let the ocean take me, the ocean will be my new home". I am sorry mom, I love you.
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