Help Narcissistic Abuse Victim

[diyCTB]

Hello,

My friend was married to narcissist for 6.5 years and not long ago they divorced.
Also about that time her father died and all this was too much for her to handle
and left her with PTSD and destroyed her emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
She thinks she is irreparable.

She does want to live because there is no point as she says. She says why live
suffering when death solves all of her problems. She has sleep problems too
and has to take high dose of Zopiclone to get some level of sleep. She also
takes Quetiapine (Seroquel). She was prescribed Lithium lately but refused
to take it. Her mood is a rollercoaster of ups and down because one day she
seems to be more or less okay but the other day she is very suicidal.

I don't know how to talk to her because mostly all she thinks about is suicide.
However I have a hope for her because because she still tries to do something
about her sleep like biking, she also started taking Melatonine last week. She
also works out sometimes to lose weight.

Another thing that gives me hope that she can recover is that while there are
narcissistic abuse victims who commit suicide, there are also those who recover
and say it is possible if one has willingness and strength to recover.

Can anyone help here? Maybe there are narcissistic abuse victims here too
who can give some advice?

Thanks!

 

[timf]

Those who survive abuse are similar to those who survive combat. Some may be in shell shock and others may find their way to a mostly functional life. The first step is to stop external harm such as avoiding the person inflicting the abuse. The second step can be tricky because it requires the person who was abused to identify if the toxic person left internal damage. For example, a person may find themselves inclined towards self-harm or a negative self-image because of the imprint the abuser left. Like removing a virus from a computer, this can take a while to cure.

The final step is to build a healthy life. One has to work within limits. For example, the person who lost a leg in a car accident may not ever be able to get a job in the ballet. However, one can learn to most everything else with the help of prosthetics.

Just being able to see the damage that was done for what it is rather than seeing oneself as defective is a key starting point.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

My advice is to not try to fix her. Just listen and have compassion. That's it. Seems simple but is huge. If you feel helpless about the situation, it's because you are -- this is her stuff and you can't control it. When you feel overwhelmed, step back for a bit, take a break from it, and practice self-care to replenish your inner resources.

Don't take anything on, it's her life to do with as she chooses, and her problems to resolve. The best way to help with her burdens is to care, listen, not judge, and not fix. Wanting her to do anything is just more burden on her, while feeling heard lessens burdens.

Narcissists are controlling. Trying to fix her or her problems is only more control, no matter how well-intentioned, and will not bring about any desired results.

 

[RileyTanaka]

This might seem a bit ridiculous because it's a bit obvious, but have you asked her directly what kind of support she feels like she needs from you as a friend? It sounds silly but a lot of people forget to ask. Don't be discouraged if she doesn't reach out to you, she's probably going through a lot and her general sense of trust is probably compromised now.

It's really good of you to seek out some kind of help on her behalf. Don't give up on her.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

have you asked her directly what kind of support she feels like she needs from you as a friend?

This.

 

[miguel6565]

this hits hard when i know i am a narcissist

 

[ERASED]

Hello,

My friend was married to narcissist for 6.5 years and not long ago they divorced.
Also about that time her father died and all this was too much for her to handle
and left her with PTSD and destroyed her emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
She thinks she is irreparable.

She does want to live because there is no point as she says. She says why live
suffering when death solves all of her problems. She has sleep problems too
and has to take high dose of Zopiclone to get some level of sleep. She also
takes Quetiapine (Seroquel). She was prescribed Lithium lately but refused
to take it. Her mood is a rollercoaster of ups and down because one day she
seems to be more or less okay but the other day she is very suicidal.

I don't know how to talk to her because mostly all she thinks about is suicide.
However I have a hope for her because because she still tries to do something
about her sleep like biking, she also started taking Melatonine last week. She
also works out sometimes to lose weight.

Another thing that gives me hope that she can recover is that while there are
narcissistic abuse victims who commit suicide, there are also those who recover
and say it is possible if one has willingness and strength to recover.

Can anyone help here? Maybe there are narcissistic abuse victims here too
who can give some advice?

Thanks!

I wish I could give you advice but I'm still trying to fix myself from my abusive relationships. I've been single now going on 6 years because of it. I just hope she trys to love herself, i lack that from having a mother that never loved me as a child and still doesn't. I wish your friend luck and most importantly peace.