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There is nothing to be ashamed of, it's not your time.
Hey, it's okay... Nothing to be ashamed of, as @jonnythefox says... Just take your time, until you've made your peace with death... It's okay.
.... don't hurt yourself over this perceived failure. When you commit suicide is your own decision. That is your final act on this earth and you don't have to do it till you are ready. This world has been pushy and cruel to everyone here..... so take your time. It can suffer your presence until you decide or it gives up and release you.
You are not alone here. In the past three months I've failed five times with eb/N2. It doesn't matter what your method is, survival instinct can be impossibly strong when the moment is upon us.
First off- damn I am so sorry. Five times in three months..... seriously. I can't even imagine. I tried twice in two months- and I am completely broken.
Full disclosure: something flipped in me on Saturday night --I have no idea what-- but I know it is no longer my time to ctb. Not right now. Maybe later. I don't believe in a god (though I do believe we don't know everything about what we can't see), and I don't believe I'm hated, or deliberately kept here to suffer, but I do know that... I'm supposed to live for now. Damn it.
Congrats on clarity
From what's been written over on the 1,4Butanediol Megathread, you'll want to use meto with it, as an antiemetic. And alcohol as a potentiator, of course.
I do not know what happened. So not everyone knows. There is somewhere in this world, should you move away, where no one knows.
Don't worry I was consumed with panic and fear on an early attempt maybe your delaying subconsciously and having these emotions for a reason if you was ready I doubt you would of made this post good luck friend we are all here for you if you need anything
We may have other ideas to help you xxx
^^^^^Exactly this!@123monday123 if we can help you you know no one here will judge - we've all done things we are not proud of
Easy on, my friend. Nightmares can end in many different ways, and dying in the middle of one is a pretty poor option to explore first. Maybe you could spell it out for us, and hear some new approach you might not have considered? We're an anonymous crowd, and whatever happened to you isn't likely to go any further.
