Need some pre final comfort

[hoppybunny]

I'm about to take my finals next week and on dec 9 (i hate that, just wasting my time fr) and i'm certain i'm gonna have all B's and C's this semester. I'm personally ok with this but I know my parents will be mad cause i'm expecting more C's than B's honestly. I just need some comfort to prepare me for when my parents call me stupid and start treating me like a criminal for not having A's.

I would ask my siblings and my friends but my siblings (especially my sister) would just try and defend me or talk to my parents. I just want to sit in silence and nod through it, and honestly i'm just avoiding my friends atm because I feel like a shell of a person.

i'm just trying to graduate so i can pass and move out. I want to try living like an independent adult to see if my parents are really the reason i want to die (they love me but they make me feel miserable for being alive differently from how they want)

 

[avalokitesvara]

I'm so sorry your family makes you feel this way. As someone a lot older than you who has left education far behind I can say with one hundred percent factual confidence that YOU ARE NOT YOUR GRADES. You are worthy of love and a good life and your grades have NOTHING to do with who you are, and what your life will be like. I'm proud of you for being wise enough to know that you don't need "perfect" grades, you just need to pass and graduate. I am so confident that you will grow and evolve so much once you have got through school and got away from family who make you feel this way. It's so shortsighted and tbh stupid of them. People who lack the imagination to see beyond an "A" are so stunted, I'm so sorry.

I'm also proud of you that you're managing to carry on and do your exams while feeling like a shell of a person and with all this pressure surrounding you. You are strong and smart and brave. Those around you may not be able to see it, but that's their flaw.
It's ok to put your head down and get through this time however you can. It's ok to zone out and not listen when your parents start verbally abusing you. It's ok to do whatever you need to to get through that moment, even if it's nodding and agreeing with them. It's ok to comfort yourself however you can, whether that's zoning out on phone or something else "unproductive" or "unhealthy".

I know so so so so many people who have interesting, full, fulfilled, vibrant, fun, cool and meaningful lives who did average or even bad at school or who even failed. School means NOTHING apart from getting you into your future where you can live. Bs and Cs are GREAT, you are great. You will get out of this time and place and you will find your own path. I believe this fully. You are so cool to know that the bullshit that people around you try to put on you is not real. You're a real one! Just hang on in there and get through your finals. Best of luck. Hugs.

 

[alltoomuch2]

That's so much unnecessary pressure on you. No employer has ever asked me my grades. That I passed was enough. There is nothing at all wrong with Bs and C's. Any grades above pass are nice but rarely essential. When parents are like that tbh nothing will ever be good enough. I know from experience. If you got straight A's then the exams themselves wouldn't be enough. Keep your eyes on the long goal. My brother has no exams at all but is CEO of a multimillion company, has a great life with a lovely partner and earns more than 10x more than me with my fancy pants grades and exams. You will show them in the long run. It'll be ok. And if it isn't, you can change direction. Nothing is fixed. Maybe your parents think they're helping you and don't realise how harmful it is to make you feel like you're never good enough. Sometimes they do it because they themselves feel inadequate so use you to impress others in compensation. I feel so much for you. I've been there and it's worse than being beaten (my parents did both). There is more to life than grades. There are the qualities of kindness, compassion, honesty, hard work and self worth. Those are far more important. Be kind to yourself and if they do give you a hard time, consider why because it's likely to be more to do with their problems with themselves than you.

 

[hoppybunny]

I'm so sorry your family makes you feel this way. As someone a lot older than you who has left education far behind I can say with one hundred percent factual confidence that YOU ARE NOT YOUR GRADES. You are worthy of love and a good life and your grades have NOTHING to do with who you are, and what your life will be like. I'm proud of you for being wise enough to know that you don't need "perfect" grades, you just need to pass and graduate. I am so confident that you will grow and evolve so much once you have got through school and got away from family who make you feel this way. It's so shortsighted and tbh stupid of them. People who lack the imagination to see beyond an "A" are so stunted, I'm so sorry.

I'm also proud of you that you're managing to carry on and do your exams while feeling like a shell of a person and with all this pressure surrounding you. You are strong and smart and brave. Those around you may not be able to see it, but that's their flaw.
It's ok to put your head down and get through this time however you can. It's ok to zone out and not listen when your parents start verbally abusing you. It's ok to do whatever you need to to get through that moment, even if it's nodding and agreeing with them. It's ok to comfort yourself however you can, whether that's zoning out on phone or something else "unproductive" or "unhealthy".

I know so so so so many people who have interesting, full, fulfilled, vibrant, fun, cool and meaningful lives who did average or even bad at school or who even failed. School means NOTHING apart from getting you into your future where you can live. Bs and Cs are GREAT, you are great. You will get out of this time and place and you will find your own path. I believe this fully. You are so cool to know that the bullshit that people around you try to put on you is not real. You're a real one! Just hang on in there and get through your finals. Best of luck. Hugs.

Thank u so much!! I read this when u initially replied and ut made me feel better. Im replying now cause i just finished my first final. And have 3 more to go. And i feel confident on closing this year. I won't say i did my academically best. But i know i did best with my mental state. I'm going to aim for higher grades next semester but lnowing a B or C is good actually makes getting an A seem more feasible idk how to explain it.

That's so much unnecessary pressure on you. No employer has ever asked me my grades. That I passed was enough. There is nothing at all wrong with Bs and C's. Any grades above pass are nice but rarely essential. When parents are like that tbh nothing will ever be good enough. I know from experience. If you got straight A's then the exams themselves wouldn't be enough. Keep your eyes on the long goal. My brother has no exams at all but is CEO of a multimillion company, has a great life with a lovely partner and earns more than 10x more than me with my fancy pants grades and exams. You will show them in the long run. It'll be ok. And if it isn't, you can change direction. Nothing is fixed. Maybe your parents think they're helping you and don't realise how harmful it is to make you feel like you're never good enough. Sometimes they do it because they themselves feel inadequate so use you to impress others in compensation. I feel so much for you. I've been there and it's worse than being beaten (my parents did both). There is more to life than grades. There are the qualities of kindness, compassion, honesty, hard work and self worth. Those are far more important. Be kind to yourself and if they do give you a hard time, consider why because it's likely to be more to do with their problems with themselves than you.

Thanks you so much. My parents give me a hard time cause they want me to have a "good" life and know i can make As if i tried, but like u said thwir "encouragement" does more harm than good. Ur kind words will really help me. Cause school is all I've known. So internalizing that things will be ok with even c's or B's is hard.

 

[avalokitesvara]

Good luck!

 

[alltoomuch2]

Thank u so much!! I read this when u initially replied and ut made me feel better. Im replying now cause i just finished my first final. And have 3 more to go. And i feel confident on closing this year. I won't say i did my academically best. But i know i did best with my mental state. I'm going to aim for higher grades next semester but lnowing a B or C is good actually makes getting an A seem more feasible idk how to explain it.

Thanks you so much. My parents give me a hard time cause they want me to have a "good" life and know i can make As if i tried, but like u said thwir "encouragement" does more harm than good. Ur kind words will really help me. Cause school is all I've known. So internalizing that things will be ok with even c's or B's is hard.

I get how hard that is for you to accept. It goes against everything you've been told all your life. But your best is always good enough. Always. And if people are making it harder for you, albeit with the best of intentions, it will still be you doing your best on the day. And that is brave, resilient and more than enough.

 

[Regen]

That is exactly a big problem. As a student, you have been told for years that there is nothing more important than good grades. But damn, school is just one pillar of many in life. In the end, there are so many things that are more important. You can have a good life later without having good grades or a university degree. So much suffering is caused by telling children and young people that school and grades are the most important thing in life.

I graduated very well. In the end, no one cares. Neither privately nor professionally. I know people with highest grades who are unhappy. I know people who have dropped out of college and are doing well. Yes, if possible you should have a degree because it makes some things easier! But you shouldn't pursue this goal at any price.

The most important thing in life is always to take good care of your soul. That you care about healing your traumas. That you learn to love yourself. That you can and want to live in peace with yourself and others. That you like what you do. That you have people with whom you feel connected.

In the end, we all just long for connection and love. And you are told that you can achieve this through performance...

I wish I would have given the energy I gave into my uni master into myself and my heeling in the past. That would have creating a better life for me then the education.

Try your best and that's enough.
You are enough.

 

[alltoomuch2]

I'm about to take my finals next week and on dec 9 (i hate that, just wasting my time fr) and i'm certain i'm gonna have all B's and C's this semester. I'm personally ok with this but I know my parents will be mad cause i'm expecting more C's than B's honestly. I just need some comfort to prepare me for when my parents call me stupid and start treating me like a criminal for not having A's.

I would ask my siblings and my friends but my siblings (especially my sister) would just try and defend me or talk to my parents. I just want to sit in silence and nod through it, and honestly i'm just avoiding my friends atm because I feel like a shell of a person.

i'm just trying to graduate so i can pass and move out. I want to try living like an independent adult to see if my parents are really the reason i want to die (they love me but they make me feel miserable for being alive differently from how they want)

Hope things are ok for you at the moment and you're not having a hard time. Someone once corrected me for saying"I know" and said to be very alert if I go to use that phrase because most of the time we are predicting, we don't "know". That's not to minimise how your parents have been in the past. It's that I hope things have changed. So I hope your parents have pleasantly surprised you with their behaviour whatever your results

 

[Regen]

Hello,
I hope your final exams went well today! The time of studying and exams is so stressful... I hope that you pass and can set yourself apart from your parents' expectations. Moving away from home is incredibly liberating! Hopefully you can experience it.

 

[hoppybunny]

Th

Hello,
I hope your final exams went well today! The time of studying and exams is so stressful... I hope that you pass and can set yourself apart from your parents' expectations. Moving away from home is incredibly liberating! Hopefully you can experience it.

Thank you. 3 out of 4 of my finals went well. However one class is a D and I'm waiting on the professor to curve the final but who knows maybe that won't happen and i'll fail miserably. My expectations for having all C's fell short because of one final. It's honestly laughable how nothing ever goes right for me.

the rest is just a rant so you can skip it.

i just found out i'm missing 2 classes for graduation, so i'm trying to get that worked out. if I have to move my graduation from summer to fall i'll probably just kill myself. I"m really sick of this whole school thing. I don't think i was meant to live cause nothing ever goes well for me. I try my hardest to fix my mistakes but I just get shit on and made more miserable then fail even more. Just a cycle of never ending failure.