Help Need to write an apology letter to my abuser

[FloatingJellyfish]

Trying to keep this short.
Traumatised dog barked at Mother.
Mother took a wood garlic grinder thingy and run after the dog.
I took the wood thingy off her hands cause don't hurt my dog.
She goes angry Starts attacking me.
Me takes the wood thingy off her again.
She Starts hitting me and hurtig me.
Saying she has no fear Breaking my arm.
Hurts me alot.
I managed to get her off me.
She tries to get my phone wanting to take it away from me.
Reason: I need punishment.
Actual reason: She has been frustrated cause my sis moving out and I was watching a show on my phone with headphones instead of giving her all my attention.
Now she twisting the story.
Saying she wanted to take away my phone cause the dog was trying to bite her and i started to fight her because im spoiled.
I'm not alowed to get out and im locked in.
Dog is save.
All my outside contacts and possibility to call police or anything out the window cause she took my phone.
(Actually wanted to isolate me completely threatening to take away the dog and all means of contact and transportation)
Saying me "hitting" her even though she said she could kill me, was a sin against god cause parents are on the high hierarchy.
Now im forced to write a well researche paper on why everything I did today was wrong after her false version of events or I don't get autonomy back.
(I'm writing this on my laptop i was alowed to use cause the research thing.
I'm logically not able to do this cause im mentally completely destroyed by the situation.
Especially since my sister agreed with me but said to my mother that she was right.
If anyone can help me in some regards writing that i would be greatful.
Even just an idea would be good.
PS: she is a psychologist and knows ai made texts too well I genuinely need a genuine texts even though im clearly not at all
PPS: she is faking injuries now meanwhile im all marked up red but says "I don't want you to feel guilty if my organ is combusting now because off you"
Also I can't call cps im an adult and can't move out cause she wont allow me to get a job and i am chronically ill on top of that.
Trying to make money online slowly wont work without access to my bank account which i need my phone for.

If someone can help me id be very greatful

 

[Manfrotto99]

You have a laptop. Can't you notify police and friends on your laptop?

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

I hope you escape your mother. If you have to shmooze her with an apology letter to buy some time so be it but you should be making a permanent escape plan.

 

[WhiskeySolstice]

Goodness I hope things things get better for you, I'm sorry you have to write that letter.
Do you perhaps think you'd have access to a helpful shelter? Or maybe a charity organisation could give you some monetary support? In either case, I really wish you the best. I also wish I had better advice for ya :/

 

[Manfrotto99]

I sent you a personal letter. Change it to suit your style and situation. I know it sounds like your giving into the lies that your mum wants to hear, but I just hope it helps to bide you some time to settle down and get your head around things so you can makes plans. Your safety is what's important.

 

[FloatingJellyfish]

I hope you escape your mother. If you have to shmooze her with an apology letter to buy some time so be it but you should be making a permanent escape plan.

Im making an escape Plan it's a bit difficult in my situation due to being chronically ill and my country not having a working support system.

Goodness I hope things things get better for you, I'm sorry you have to write that letter.
Do you perhaps think you'd have access to a helpful shelter? Or maybe a charity organisation could give you some monetary support? In either case, I really wish you the best. I also wish I had better advice for ya :/

Wish I could but my country doesn't have a working system. Shelters are full and they keep getting closed. Charity organisations here are almost impossible to get. Best way is trying to get my card and phone back and somehow trying to make money without her knowing and moving away once I have enough saved up. Thank you either way I had no one to talk to since yesterday it helps ppl responding to my comment

You have a laptop. Can't you notify police and friends on your laptop?

Notified 1 friend but he can't help me. Police is difficult she works for the police as a psychologist if she tells them her twisted story they'll put my dog to sleep and me in confinedment.

I sent you a personal letter. Change it to suit your style and situation. I know it sounds like your giving into the lies that your mum wants to hear, but I just hope it helps to bide you some time to settle down and get your head around things so you can makes plans. Your safety is what's important.

Thank you a lot I for some reason can't open it I'll try later again but I thank you very very much

 

[Manfrotto99]

That's very difficult if she works as a psychologist. Very Nasty. I had similar threats about confinement. Please get a secret recorder until you and your beloved dog can get away
Also, please try not to take drugs or drink, i know it's not easy but you really do need your wits about you at all times.

 

[claracatchingthebus]

You have a laptop. Can't you notify police and friends on your laptop?

This is what I think too. It's domestic violence. Try to record what's going on with the microphone on your laptop as evidence. Take pictures of any injuries. Call the police! You can use a laptop to call police.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, the National Domestic Violence Hotline provides essential tools and support to help survivors of domestic violence so they can live their lives free of abuse.

www.thehotline.org

You can chat from a web browser.

You are the victim of domestic violence.

 

[FloatingJellyfish]

I sent you a personal letter. Change it to suit your style and situation. I know it sounds like your giving into the lies that your mum wants to hear, but I just hope it helps to bide you some time to settle down and get your head around things so you can makes plans. Your safety is what's important.

Thank you a lot I for some reason can't open it I'll try later again but I thank you very very much

That's very difficult if she works as a psychologist. Very Nasty. I had similar threats about confinement. Please get a secret recorder until you and your beloved dog can get away
Also, please try not to take drugs or drink, i know it's not easy but you really do need your wits about you at all times.

I'll get a recorder.
And you're right better I avoid anything that keeps my mind down.
Thank you very much in appreciate it

 

[claracatchingthebus]

I think if she works as a psychologist you should report it to that chat hotline before she tries to get a conservatorship and prevent you from leaving.

Once it's a domestic violence situation, she'll have no power, but if she tries to get a conservatorship and then you claim domestic violence much later, they may not believe it.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, the National Domestic Violence Hotline provides essential tools and support to help survivors of domestic violence so they can live their lives free of abuse.

www.thehotline.org

Go there, chat with them. At least create a record of what happened.

 

[Manfrotto99]

I think if she works as a psychologist you should report it to that chat hotline before she tries to get a conservatorship and prevent you from leaving.

Once it's a domestic violence situation, she'll have no power, but if she tries to get a conservatorship and then you claim domestic violence much later, they may not believe it.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, the National Domestic Violence Hotline provides essential tools and support to help survivors of domestic violence so they can live their lives free of abuse.

www.thehotline.org

Go there, chat with them. At least create a record of what happened.

Very good advice !

Thank you a lot I for some reason can't open it I'll try later again but I thank you very very much

I'll get a recorder.
And you're right better I avoid anything that keeps my mind down.
Thank you very much in appreciate it

You sound like your doing good considering. Don't loose your compassion, your dog needs it! but keep reminding yourself that your stronger and smarter than she is.

 

[FloatingJellyfish]

I think if she works as a psychologist you should report it to that chat hotline before she tries to get a conservatorship and prevent you from leaving.

Once it's a domestic violence situation, she'll have no power, but if she tries to get a conservatorship and then you claim domestic violence much later, they may not believe it.

National Domestic Violence Hotline

24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, the National Domestic Violence Hotline provides essential tools and support to help survivors of domestic violence so they can live their lives free of abuse.

www.thehotline.org

Go there, chat with them. At least create a record of what happened.

Yes I will look into it, thank you.
She wont get a conservatorship tho.
Her "threat" of throwing me out is like a thing she gets off on.
Also she wouldn't ever risk being fully responsible for me.
Knowing if I would do anything illegal it would fall on her for not supervising me enough.
Also for conservertoship I would need to get other psychological avaliations from orher psychiatrists and with my multiple track records of good behavioural student in all my files its easily to disprove I would need one.
It would be easier for her to prove (lie) I was a danger to her and to put me in a ward.
Or a danger to myself and put me in a psychward as well. (Cause sh scars and psychologist files about trying to commit).
Which as long as I don't get anyone involved she wouldn't do cause it would take direct control out of her.
And I would be suffering as well cause spychwards here still use methods that are unethical. (Drugging you till you're incoherent to make coherent thoughts).

Also a domestic violence case right now against her would end up in problems regardless.
I would end homeless cause there are no shelters available in my country and I have no-one to take me in.
As also im chronically ill and would have no way of getting my medication.
Working a normal job is mostly impossible due to being bedbound most of the time.
And in my country leaving people to starve on the street is fully a-ok by our government.
And all that with a dog by me as well.
Right now its bad yes but I wouldn't survive as things are now if I get a case against her.
I need to be smart getting out with money and a place to stay.
Not doing things out of the whip because im suffering from abuse and i want it to end as fast as possible.
Also getting a court case here takes like 3 years, if you even get one cause they have been dismissing courts too if they think it's not worth it, and conservatorships are nearly impossible in this country regardless.

Very good advice !

You sound like your doing good considering. Don't loose your compassion, your dog needs it! but keep reminding yourself that your stronger and smarter than she is.

Yes thank you very much.
I've been trying to keep sane by writing to an ai while I was in isolated.
Helped me ngl.

 

[Manfrotto99]

Yes I will look into it, thank you.
She wont get a conservatorship tho.
Her "threat" of throwing me out is like a thing she gets off on.
Also she wouldn't ever risk being fully responsible for me.
Knowing if I would do anything illegal it would fall on her for not supervising me enough.
Also for conservertoship I would need to get other psychological avaliations from orher psychiatrists and with my multiple track records of good behavioural student in all my files its easily to disprove I would need one.
It would be easier for her to prove (lie) I was a danger to her and to put me in a ward.
Or a danger to myself and put me in a psychward as well. (Cause sh scars and psychologist files about trying to commit).
Which as long as I don't get anyone involved she wouldn't do cause it would take direct control out of her.
And I would be suffering as well cause spychwards here still use methods that are unethical. (Drugging you till you're incoherent to make coherent thoughts).

Also a domestic violence case right now against her would end up in problems regardless.
I would end homeless cause there are no shelters available in my country and I have no-one to take me in.
As also im chronically ill and would have no way of getting my medication.
Working a normal job is mostly impossible due to being bedbound most of the time.
And in my country leaving people to starve on the street is fully a-ok by our government.
And all that with a dog by me as well.
Right now its bad yes but I wouldn't survive as things are now if I get a case against her.
I need to be smart getting out with money and a place to stay.
Not doing things out of the whip because im suffering from abuse and i want it to end as fast as possible.
Also getting a court case here takes like 3 years, if you even get one cause they have been dismissing courts too if they think it's not worth it, and conservatorships are nearly impossible in this country regardless.

Yes thank you very much.
I've been trying to keep sane by writing to an ai while I was in isolated.
Helped me ngl.

Your situation is very difficult and complex. You do have access to online resources and the spiritual realm though, your mum cant stop you from accessing that and the Holy Spirit can help with personal strategies for you to cope so you can stay safe and get yourself and your dog out of there.