NEVER tell anyone you are suicidal. You will be locked away and watched CONSTANTLY.

[MyTimeIsUp]

Hey everyone, this is my first post. This is to prevent others making a mistake or telling someone how you feel. Trust me, you WILL regret it instantly.

I told someone how I felt, not the mental health team or anything. Anyway, the crisis team came out, they recommend hospital, I refused hospital. Two psychiatrists (the female was AWFUL) came to assess me with a social worker. Put me under section (it is lawful and if you refuse they are LEGALLY allowed to use any force to take you (so I complied). Waited about 12 hours so I was up all night. A private ambulance took me (mental health nurses) and they were lovely.

They CAN forcibly give you drugs (by LAW) under this section (2). You do not get a say in ANYTHING. Don't expect anyone to care. Expect to express yourself but no one cares, especially the mean male doctors (female here so far, they are lovely)

The ward... lmfao. No privacy. Literally. Staff barely say two words to me. I am watched 24/7. I need my music to keep me calm, but I have nothing wireless so I am expected to stare at the same four walls.

Staff don't care. Staff don't care I've become a different person in here. Staff don't give a shit about you. No one does.

I will now pretend I'm fine. The first thing I'll do is kill myself when I get out. I am not mentally ill, I am a traumatised person.

Be prepared to be watched everything you do, even sleeping..everything. I'm lucky to have my bedroom door open ajar with staff there, and no bathroom door but, the bathroom door is just over half a door and it is magnetic (NOT A DOOR). Staff every 2 or 3 mins will call your name if you're quiet, so make a sound regularly. I couldn't piss for 6 hours. Some people are within arms length, so if you need a shit.. you are FUCKED. I am not eating so that won't happen (I'd recommend fasting before you come in).

I have to have tablets to knock me out to sleep, because noises freak me out and having someone there... this is a trauma response but they don't care. Oh and by the way, this is also a private hospital where famous people have stayed. Lol. Deadly serious. There is no treatment. One doctor is lovely, the rest are AWFUL, really cold and MEAN.

No one cares how I'm being treated. But hey, I'll be out in 27 days (they can hold you for longer under section 3).

Fake it till you make it. Seriously. They're now starting to trust me after two days, so that's nice.

I will NEVER trust a soul again(already have severe trust issues).

Ask me any questions:-) I'm in the UK.

There are different types of suicide watch and I know them all now, so ask away

 

[memoriesofyesterday]

I literally just asked this very question. But you are in the UK.

My Dad is 85, who is going to take care of him so to speak? They're going to haul me off and forget about him?

Can you smoke?
Also, do you have own separate room?

If celebrities go there, I would imagine it's more upscale.

 

[Reflection]

Or they might not even give a damn...I ended up telling my ex girlfriend how I felt due to the seperation for a year and she just told me to fuck off basically and blocked me everywhere

 

[Darkover]

i see my community psychiatric nurse once every 3 weeks, i've told her i've got sodium nitrate, a rope a ladder and pull up bar, every time they come and see me i tell them i am suicidal everyday and have been for 8 years, i've told her i've had the rope out and the ladder and pull up bar in the attic hatch tiring to kill my self but i didn't want to suffocate to death so didn't do it, she doesn't do anything since i am already on medication and there really isn't anything more they can do for me

 

[ijustwishtodie]

It's insane as to how suicidal people get treated like lowly prisoners by society. It goes to show how cruel and sick this world is. I hope that you get out from there asap and find peace soon. I also think that your post is a good reminder of how alone we are when it comes to suicide and how the only person that we can trust is ourselves and nobody else

 

[Redleaf1992]

i see my community psychiatric nurse once every 3 weeks, i've told her i've got sodium nitrate, a rope a ladder and pull up bar, every time they come and see me i tell them i am suicidal everyday and have been for 8 years, i've told her i've had the rope out and the ladder and pull up bar in the attic hatch tiring to kill my self but i didn't want to suffocate to death so didn't do it, she doesn't do anything since i am already on medication and there really isn't anything more they can do for me

From everything I heard on SS, it seems so inconsistent in the UK with sectioning. Some people seem to get sectioned so easily and for others you can attempt over and over and they don't care. I don't understand the logic, and makes it really hard to know what I can share or can't share.

 

[alienfreak]

Thanks for posting this. I was just thinking "maybe if im careful and say i just have thoughts about suicide but no intention or plans then it might work to get useful medication", but I think it really isn't worth the risk getting that close to the point where something like that could happen to me. Absolutely awful

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

If you have a plan, you're fucked. Not ideation, a PLAN. Will answer questions now

 

[Redleaf1992]

Thanks for posting this. I was just thinking "maybe if im careful and say i just have thoughts about suicide but no intention or plans then it might work to get useful medication", but I think it really isn't worth the risk getting that close to the point where something like that could happen to me. Absolutely awful

TBH I think you should be ok saying that to your GP.

After oversharing with BUPA for therapy, they wrote to my GP who invited me for an appointment. Luckily the doctor didn't read the letter and I back tracked and just said I had ideation but nothing more and it was fine.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I literally just asked this very question. But you are in the UK.

My Dad is 85, who is going to take care of him so to speak? They're going to haul me off and forget about him?

Can you smoke?
Also, do you have own separate room?

If celebrities go there, I would imagine it's more upscale.

1. Yes. They will likely get social services involved

2. Yes, you can smoke, all wards are different, but if you're on a one to one you can go for smoke breaks, while being watched.

3. Some are dorms, but I've been lucky to be somewhere that isn't like that and have my own room.

4. No it isn't upscale, that's shit. It's the same. I'm NHS.

Some of the staff are really awful. Be prepared for them not to listen to you

i see my community psychiatric nurse once every 3 weeks, i've told her i've got sodium nitrate, a rope a ladder and pull up bar, every time they come and see me i tell them i am suicidal everyday and have been for 8 years, i've told her i've had the rope out and the ladder and pull up bar in the attic hatch tiring to kill my self but i didn't want to suffocate to death so didn't do it, she doesn't do anything since i am already on medication and there really isn't anything more they can do for me

Not true. It's because you haven't got a plan, doesn't matter if you have access. I only got sectioned because I want to die and have an active plan, and keep trying. I didn't ask for help either, I said I don't want it. I just told someone I know where I live and she reached out to mental health professionals, and I told them I don't want help and refused voluntary
Also happy to explain the process over here on section 2.

Thanks for posting this. I was just thinking "maybe if im careful and say i just have thoughts about suicide but no intention or plans then it might work to get useful medication", but I think it really isn't worth the risk getting that close to the point where something like that could happen to me. Absolutely awful

Yeah, thoughts aren't the same. It's about the plan and recent attempts etc. Trauma can't be treated with medication, and I'm not depressed. Docs are aware. So I'm now pretending I'm ok, but when i get out, I'm gone

From everything I heard on SS, it seems so inconsistent in the UK with sectioning. Some people seem to get sectioned so easily and for others you can attempt over and over and they don't care. I don't understand the logic, and makes it really hard to know what I can share or can't share.

It is NOT easy to section someone. Take it from me, someone that has tried many times. This is my first section. I refused voluntary (been voluntary before). Some think you're seeking attention and that's why you don't. Also, if they realise you're serious, they will secton you - if they think you're not, no. It's mostly about plan, recent attempts (depending on the nature of the attempt also).
You guys are all I have left. I can't trust anyone else ever again

My trust has been betrayed

I am a calm person on the outside world. Not here. But I'm staying calm or I'll look crazy.

Be prepared to be treated like shit. You are just a number.

Some staff are really kind and listen, others not so much.

Sometimes you have two watching you at arms length.

I have to be knocked out with sleeping tablets to sleep, because people watch me when I'm sleeping and it's part of my trauma

 

[finallydone]

seems like a very logical suggestion, it's always a bad idea to tell everyone you plan to do things that are outside of the social "norms" be it suicide or anything else, however it doesn't apply to everyone and i'll be the example :
been thinking about it for the last 2 months and only told a 'once" close friend about it, didn't matter because he himself is suicidal
still even in the case he or anyone else tried to "legally" stop me they won't be able to, because luckily where i live the chances of you getting locked up because you're suicidal are non-existant

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

seems like a very logical suggestion, it's always a bad idea to tell everyone you plan to do things that are outside of the social "norms" be it suicide or anything else, however it doesn't apply to everyone and i'll be the example :
been thinking about it for the last 2 months and only told a 'once" close friend about it, didn't matter because he himself is suicidal
still even in the case he or anyone else tried to "legally" stop me they won't be able to, because luckily where i live the chances of you getting locked up because you're suicidal are non-existant

I didn't tell everyone. I told someone I thought I could trust, and this person believes anyone should be able to die if they want, but because of the nature of her job, she had to tell someone or if I was found dead, she could lose it.

It is hard to section someone. I have attempted countless times and this is my first section.

 

[memoriesofyesterday]

I didn't tell everyone. I told someone I thought I could trust, and this person believes anyone should be able to die if they want, but because of the nature of her job, she had to tell someone or if I was found dead, she could lose it.

It is hard to section someone. I have attempted countless times and this is my first section.

What do you have in your room? You are typing on a website. So you must have a computer. Aren't you scared they can see a list of websites your typing on?

I'm really sorry this happened to you. Like Alienfreak, I want to seek help but afraid of winding up in your position.

 

[Praying 4 a Miracle]

People who live in countries with MAID (medical assistance in dying) programs have a huge advantage in that they can openly talk, even with their doctor(s) about wanting assisted suicide without any fear of being locked up at all, because it's legal.

The risky business of talking about illegal suicide, is the main reason why safe and humane assisted dying is not yet available to most people who really need it. This fear is keeping people from speaking up, but speaking up is exactly what needs to happen for these programs to be expanded or installed.

The solution is simple, only talk to people about wanting access to legal MAID. The fear of people losing their freedom, is what is causing them to have to resort to dangerous, painful, and gruesome unassisted suicide methods. This is what needs to change.

The same applies if you are seeking help and want to recover.

 

[Darkover]

Not true. It's because you haven't got a plan, doesn't matter if you have access. I only got sectioned because I want to die and have an active plan, and keep trying. I didn't ask for help either, I said I don't want it. I just told someone I know where I live and she reached out to mental health professionals, and I told them I don't want help and refused voluntary
Also happy to explain the process over here on section 2.

purchasing items like a rope, ladder, or pull-up bar with the intention of potentially using them to end your life would generally be considered part of a suicide plan. Having specific methods or tools in mind suggests planning, which can be a warning sign that someone may be at a higher risk for suicide.

 

[N7_Alliance_Marine]

The ward... lmfao. No privacy. Literally. Staff barely say two words to me. I am watched 24/7. I need my music to keep me calm, but I have nothing wireless so I am expected to stare at the same four walls.

Staff don't care. Staff don't care I've become a different person in here. Staff don't give a shit about you. No one does.

Same thing happened to me. 22/24 hours a day was in my room staring at walls and reading books while the other 2 hours were their "muh, mental health classes."

One doctor is lovely, the rest are AWFUL, really cold and MEAN.

Most Doctors I've met seem to be this way, they're not pleasant to be around. Nothing better than wanting to kill yourself and people proceed to treat you shittier than you were treated before.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

What do you have in your room? You are typing on a website. So you must have a computer. Aren't you scared they can see a list of websites your typing on?

I'm really sorry this happened to you. Like Alienfreak, I want to seek help but afraid of winding up in your position.

I'm on my phone. You're allowed phone. I'm on eyesight. I use mobile data so they can't see what I'm accessing on their WiFi. And I use DuckDuckGo. If I was on 'arms length' I wouldn't be able to go on here. As long as they can see me, it's fine. Everyone is on different types of suicide watch. If I tried anything, I'd have two watching and directly next to me, so I haven't, but will the first opportunity I get

Yeah, don't. Trust me. Never ever want to be sectioned. Ever. And they can change it and put you on a section 3 which is longer. They can forcibly medicate you on section 2, but they haven't me, because I've been acting calm, but I'm not

 

[FuneralCry]

That just sounds so cruel and horrible to me, I hope that you find peace from suffering.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

purchasing items like a rope, ladder, or pull-up bar with the intention of potentially using them to end your life would generally be considered part of a suicide plan. Having specific methods or tools in mind suggests planning, which can be a warning sign that someone may be at a higher risk for suicide.

No it isn't, because sometimes people have them as it makes them feel safer, it doesn't mean they will do it. You can use literally anything as a ligature

People who live in countries with MAID (medical assistance in dying) programs have a huge advantage in that they can openly talk, even with their doctor(s) about wanting assisted suicide without any fear of being locked up at all, because it's legal.

The risky business of talking about illegal suicide, is the main reason why safe and humane assisted dying is not yet available to most people who really need it. This fear is keeping people from speaking up, but speaking up is exactly what needs to happen for these programs to be expanded or installed.

The solution is simple, only talk to people about wanting access to legal MAID. The fear of people losing their freedom, is what is causing them to have to resort to dangerous, painful, and gruesome unassisted suicide methods. This is what needs to change.

The same applies if you are seeking help and want to recover.

We don't have that in the UK.. it'll never be legal over here.

I don't want to, I have exhausted all options. I am not depressed and all the doctors are aware of that, I'm traumatised, and I'll never get over it, I've been told by many professionals. I don't want to continue living like this.
My suicide watch is reducing now. I'm very good at faking. Only taken a couple of days of masking

 

[divinemistress36]

They will talk you into electroshock therapy which will make you temporarily feel better but can wipe out a lot of your memories of your life

 

[KudzuTrailblazer]

Hey everyone, this is my first post. This is to prevent others making a mistake or telling someone how you feel. Trust me, you WILL regret it instantly.

I told someone how I felt, not the mental health team or anything. Anyway, the crisis team came out, they recommend hospital, I refused hospital. Two psychiatrists (the female was AWFUL) came to assess me with a social worker. Put me under section (it is lawful and if you refuse they are LEGALLY allowed to use any force to take you (so I complied). Waited about 12 hours so I was up all night. A private ambulance took me (mental health nurses) and they were lovely.

They CAN forcibly give you drugs (by LAW) under this section (2). You do not get a say in ANYTHING. Don't expect anyone to care. Expect to express yourself but no one cares, especially the mean male doctors (female here so far, they are lovely)

The ward... lmfao. No privacy. Literally. Staff barely say two words to me. I am watched 24/7. I need my music to keep me calm, but I have nothing wireless so I am expected to stare at the same four walls.

Staff don't care. Staff don't care I've become a different person in here. Staff don't give a shit about you. No one does.

I will now pretend I'm fine. The first thing I'll do is kill myself when I get out. I am not mentally ill, I am a traumatised person.

Be prepared to be watched everything you do, even sleeping..everything. I'm lucky to have my bedroom door open ajar with staff there, and no bathroom door but, the bathroom door is just over half a door and it is magnetic (NOT A DOOR). Staff every 2 or 3 mins will call your name if you're quiet, so make a sound regularly. I couldn't piss for 6 hours. Some people are within arms length, so if you need a shit.. you are FUCKED. I am not eating so that won't happen (I'd recommend fasting before you come in).

I have to have tablets to knock me out to sleep, because noises freak me out and having someone there... this is a trauma response but they don't care. Oh and by the way, this is also a private hospital where famous people have stayed. Lol. Deadly serious. There is no treatment. One doctor is lovely, the rest are AWFUL, really cold and MEAN.

No one cares how I'm being treated. But hey, I'll be out in 27 days (they can hold you for longer under section 3).

Fake it till you make it. Seriously. They're now starting to trust me after two days, so that's nice.

I will NEVER trust a soul again(already have severe trust issues).

Ask me any questions:-) I'm in the UK.

There are different types of suicide watch and I know them all now, so ask away

This is honestly one of my worst fears. A few years back, I've confessed for a former friend of my mine about my suicidal thoughts and they called the police on me. It was the most horrifying thing. The police came knocking on my door at night, interrogating me in front of my house with both my parents watching. And what made it even worse, the whole neighborhood saw me. One of the two police officers made it seem like I was wasting government resources and seemed to just hate me. I was handcuffed and forcibly driven to the hospital where I stayed for a while. Unfortunately, it was the hospital where my father worked at, so he had access to the room I was staying in. It was not a good time.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

It's astounding how the lurking journalists are inventing fake news about how people here encourage eachother to CTB but fail to give a single report on how people are - literally - tortured at psych wards to the point they rather be dead than to be hospitalized. It's a problem that seems to be pretty much worldwide, yet it's more often than not dead (no pun intended) quiet in the media.

If I got to undo just one thing in my life I'd never sought mental healthcare. It ruined me and what's almost worse is that I have to live with the fact that it ruins probably millions of other people on a daily basis too. This forum would very likely have less registered users if those services simply didn't exist.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

They will talk you into electroshock therapy which will make you temporarily feel better but can wipe out a lot of your memories of your life

Not true. That is a last resort treatment for depression, not trauma. They can't force me to do that under this section, and I can refuse meds if I want, the only meds I'm given are ones to help me relax and sleep, but I refuse the ones to help me relax as it makes me worse, and they have listened.

Trauma can't be helped with a tablet and the doctors are aware of that as it isn't depression, I am not depressed. My section is merely for assessment, not treatment, that's a different type of section.

I'm aware of electric shock therapy

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

They turned thinking of suicide into a thought crime. If you mention that you want to suicide they will lock you up and reeducate you .

these people are sick the ones who created this extreme suicide prohibition state thought crime state

another reason for me to kill myself asap.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

They turned thinking of suicide into a thought crime. If you mention that you want to suicide they will lock you up and reeducate you .

these people are sick the ones who created this extreme suicide prohibition state thought crime state

another reason for me to kill myself asap.

There's a difference between ideation and intent. Big difference. You're not locked up for thoughts, you're locked up for intent. I've tried to end it countless times, and never been sectioned, because they didn't take me seriously. This time is different. I want to die, whereas before I wanted to escape

 

[uglyugly]

THAT is the reason I don't trust a single person on this planet. At least I feel safe to talk here. I was getting ready to ask what country you were in, but kept reading... thanks for saying. I'm in the USA and in my state (some states are less stringent) I too can be locked away and force drugged against my will. That's why I have no intention of showing anyone a damn sign I'm going to ctb, I'm just going to do it and let anyone who cares - not that anyone will - figure it out on their own.

They will talk you into electroshock therapy which will make you temporarily feel better but can wipe out a lot of your memories of your life

That is by far the most barbaric practice still legal today. How the hell anyone can call that "health care" is beyond me.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

THAT is the reason I don't trust a single person on this planet. At least I feel safe to talk here. I was getting ready to ask what country you were in, but kept reading... thanks for saying. I'm in the USA and in my state (some states are less stringent) I too can be locked away and force drugged against my will. That's why I have no intention of showing anyone a damn sign I'm going to ctb, I'm just going to do it and let anyone who cares - not that anyone will - figure it out on their own.

That is by far the most barbaric practice still legal today. How the hell anyone can call that "health care" is beyond me.

I don't trust anyone, but this person in particular said she believes anyone should be able to kill themselves if they want to, but as a professional (not mental health) she has a duty to tell someone. I didn't show signs, I don't show signs, I just said that I'm going. I trusted her for that reason. I will never again

I've met a really kind person that works as a mental health professional that thinks electric shock therapy is barbaric, so that was nice to hear that someone in that field recognises that.

Staff in here said to say if I feel unsafe lmao, have they forgotten I said I want to die, and I'm here against my will? How stupid. I looked them dead in the eye and said I will, which I won't. I am going the first opportunity I get, I'm at peace with my decision and have been for some time now. I'm so good at hiding it, they haven't got a fucking clue what I'm thinking.

I wish things were different, but never mind, shit happens.

We are punished for wanting to end it. It's our lives, we should get a fucking choice. It's wrong our rights are stripped away from us. I'm lucky that I'm not on arms length, because it would mean I'd have to piss with people next to me and shower etc.

They expect you to get better when you're watched 24/7, lmao. If you're having a piss and you're quiet for more than a minute or two, they start asking if you're ok, so you have to keep making noises. You get no chance to kill yourself here, and some people have two people watching them.

I'm never going to get better I've explored all options - I have tried everything.

Never tell a soul. My trust has been completely fucking betrayed.
Luckily, I've pushed and pushed and spoken to one of the doctors that care, and they've reduced my suicide watch, still 24/7, but as long as they can see me, all fine.

Some of the staff are lovely, others AWFUL and NOT empathetic, they treat and speak to you like a fucking child. I'm trusted a fair amount now, because I know how to pretend lmao.

I've got wireless earphones now and completely stopped talking to everyone, because I'm calm with my music (staff are fine with those that don't want to talk - most don't)

Psychiatric ward isn't always quiet. Patients have loud as fuck music on and staff don't care, even if you're cowering in the fucking corner with your ears covered.

If you're not compliant, things will become difficult. I've started eating again a little, or they will force me eventually. They have the power to.

The system has failed me my entire life, and they are delusional to think they're helping. I wish I could add more info, but I'm scared it'll give away too much.

I'll post a goodbye thread when I eventually get out. Got weeks yet

One member of staff is AWFUL and I really want to complain about her, but I can't, because I'm the mental patient - who will believe me?lmao

 

[squidsponge]

Why do they do all this? And how is it supposed to magically make you want to live.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Luckily, I've pushed and pushed and spoken to one of the doctors that care, and they've reduced my suicide watch, still 24/7, but as long as they can see me, all fine.

Some of the staff are lovely, others AWFUL and NOT empathetic, they treat and speak to you like a fucking child. I'm trusted a fair amount now, because I know how to pretend lmao.

I've got wireless earphones now and completely stopped talking to everyone, because I'm calm with my music (staff are fine with those that don't want to talk - most don't)

Psychiatric ward isn't always quiet. Patients have loud as fuck music on and staff don't care, even if you're cowering in the fucking corner with your ears covered.

If you're not compliant, things will become difficult. I've started eating again a little, or they will force me eventually. They have the power to.

The system has failed me my entire life, and they are delusional to think they're helping. I wish I could add more info, but I'm scared it'll give away too much.

I'll post a goodbye thread when I eventually get out. Got weeks yet

One member of staff is AWFUL and I really want to complain about her, but I can't, because I'm the mental patient - who will believe me?lmao

Why do they do all this? And how is it supposed to magically make you want to live.

I said to the doc, 'it's illegal to kill yourself', he said it isn't. Lmao it is. I said I don't want help though, I genuinely want to die, locking me in a prison isn't going to change anything.. he then compared me to every other patient he's treated (I'm not having treatment lmfao).

I've said 'drug me up and shut me up.' Loads of times, loudly. Now I've refused the meds to relax me (it made me on edge). I've seen other patients like zombies, they're drugged up to their eyeballs they can't function.

I am now ignoring staff and just listening to my music, now I finally have non-wired earphones. I stay in my room 24/7 unless I need a drink and smoke breaks aren't much -we get about 6 for 15 mins, but we don't for 12 hours almost... so we are locked up for all that time we are treated like prisoners. I've called it a prison many times.

Taking my freedom away is going to magically stop me from wanting to die? think not. I'm a very private person and the type of person that likes to be alone 24/7 (yes, really), so imagine being watched 24/7 when you're thar type.... I wish that one type of member of staff was nice, but she's nasty.

Prisoners have it better. They aren't watched 24/7. Anyway, I'm faking it and they think I'm magically better..they started to trust me within a day LMAO, because I'm a trusting person, and know how to fake how I'm feeling. Suckers. Hate lying but you have to when it comes to this shit, or section 3 comes along
Thanks to everyone that read and replied to this, it means so much to me. I can't talk to anyone else about this. I'm so alone

 

[uglyugly]

I don't trust anyone, but this person in particular said she believes anyone should be able to kill themselves if they want to, but as a professional (not mental health) she has a duty to tell someone. I didn't show signs, I don't show signs, I just said that I'm going. I trusted her for that reason. I will never again

I've met a really kind person that works as a mental health professional that thinks electric shock therapy is barbaric, so that was nice to hear that someone in that field recognises that.

Staff in here said to say if I feel unsafe lmao, have they forgotten I said I want to die, and I'm here against my will? How stupid. I looked them dead in the eye and said I will, which I won't. I am going the first opportunity I get, I'm at peace with my decision and have been for some time now. I'm so good at hiding it, they haven't got a fucking clue what I'm thinking.

I wish things were different, but never mind, shit happens.

We are punished for wanting to end it. It's our lives, we should get a fucking choice. It's wrong our rights are stripped away from us. I'm lucky that I'm not on arms length, because it would mean I'd have to piss with people next to me and shower etc.

They expect you to get better when you're watched 24/7, lmao. If you're having a piss and you're quiet for more than a minute or two, they start asking if you're ok, so you have to keep making noises. You get no chance to kill yourself here, and some people have two people watching them.

I'm never going to get better I've explored all options - I have tried everything.

Never tell a soul. My trust has been completely fucking betrayed.
Luckily, I've pushed and pushed and spoken to one of the doctors that care, and they've reduced my suicide watch, still 24/7, but as long as they can see me, all fine.

Some of the staff are lovely, others AWFUL and NOT empathetic, they treat and speak to you like a fucking child. I'm trusted a fair amount now, because I know how to pretend lmao.

I've got wireless earphones now and completely stopped talking to everyone, because I'm calm with my music (staff are fine with those that don't want to talk - most don't)

Psychiatric ward isn't always quiet. Patients have loud as fuck music on and staff don't care, even if you're cowering in the fucking corner with your ears covered.

If you're not compliant, things will become difficult. I've started eating again a little, or they will force me eventually. They have the power to.

The system has failed me my entire life, and they are delusional to think they're helping. I wish I could add more info, but I'm scared it'll give away too much.

I'll post a goodbye thread when I eventually get out. Got weeks yet

One member of staff is AWFUL and I really want to complain about her, but I can't, because I'm the mental patient - who will believe me?lmao

I don't know how you are keeping your sanity in there and I am so sorry you are going through this hell. I would lose my mind if I had people watching me 24/7 and have no privacy in a shower or at the toilet. And I absolutely would totally lose my mind with the noise and loud music. How do they expect anyone to heal in that environment? Actually, I will answer my own question: they likely don't give a damn if anyone heals. What a horrific place.

I imagine some staff takes that job just to abuse other people. There are some people who really get off on being abusive. (I'm sure there are good staff members, too - not saying they are all bad.) As you said, who are they going to believe, you or the staff member? I am in a support group for survivors of sexual abuse and have heard stories from other survivors who were raped in a ward, and of course no one believed them... until one of them turned up pregnant. Anyhow, I'm truly sorry you have been stuck in this place.

No, never.... never will I tell anyone. Ever. I'd rather die than be locked in a ward here. And there is a stigma, you know. Once the system has a person labeled as suicidal, then they are "crazy", and that reputation will follow a person through every single bit of medical "care" for the rest of their lives. I have never been to jail or prison and don't want to go, but I suspect being released from a psych unit would be a lot like being on parole... someone always trying to sniff up your butt to make sure you are "complying" with whatever the system says you have to.

I'm glad you've learned to pretend enough to get the hell out of there soon. And no matter what road you choose once you are out, I really hope you can find peace.